Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.
My ability to recite this by heart got me more roots at Uni than anything else I can recall.
At Uni that can work, but at 39, I find many women are far more interested in my bank balance than my ability to recite poetry.
ReplyDeleteAlso, they usually only have about two hours spare for me to adore each breast, not two hundred years. Women these days are in such a rush! Then again, that's okay, because two hours is about all I can offer before get tired and want to make a cup of tea and watch Lateline.
Chicks today, eh?
ReplyDeleteIt's all "hurry, hurry, hurry".
Not all hurry, hurry, hurry. SOme women still like it slow, but 200 years on each breast is a bit much. It brings to mind that joke about the difference between a whore, a mistress and a wife.
ReplyDeleteI used to be able to recite all of "The Man from Snowy River". I don't recall it ever got me a shag but it impressed a few people at dinner parties.
Nice poem though.
I forgot to ask. Did he also start Marvell Comics? If so, we've got him to thank for the rash of shit movies over the last 5 years or so.
ReplyDeleteThem and Alan Moore, Wari.
ReplyDeleteNowadays, "vegetable love" only gets you sacked from the nursing home and placed on a charge.
ReplyDeleteVegetable Love reminds me of my old fruit picking days. I prepared dinner one night, and unwittingly served, in a ratatouille, the zuccini that had been the toy of one of the English pickers. She was very upset at her loss, and we weren't sure what to feel.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope you're not speaking from experience Mr E?
ReplyDeletethe zuccini that had been the toy of one of the English pickers
ReplyDeleteWhat, she used to dress it up in dolls' clothes and have tea parties - that sort of thing Catlick?
Something like that Ramon. She did put it into her "cubby house".
ReplyDeleteWhat would happen if it broke, while in her "cubby house".
ReplyDeleteWell, she'd be in a bit of a pickle, or vice versa.
ReplyDeleteZucchini is very soft and watery, Ramon. If she was a strong enough girl she could pulp the remainder.
ReplyDeleteBoogey raw refrigerated zuccini is firm and crisp, and likely to snap if sideways pressure exceeding 8 degrees is applied.*
ReplyDelete*I am not speaking from personal experience.
Yes, Catlick, but give that broken off piece of zucchini a few days in a warm moist environment, and it won't be so raw or refrigerated any more.
ReplyDeleteAt which case it could be internally pulped with some ease and expelled.
And so I refer you to my comment @ 11.30 am.
ReplyDeletepu.is.sant : pron. piss-ant
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how "Spread yer legs and pull yer knickers down" works so much better with just a hundred extra words strung around it?
ReplyDeleteIt's not what you say, it's how you say it.
I've never understood the sexual allure of the vegetable.
ReplyDeleteAnd this may sound callous, but why the hell didn't she pick another one?
Or had she already formed a strong emotional bond?
There was movement at the station for the word had passed around that the colt of old regret had gone astray... That the one you're referring to there, Wari?
ReplyDeleteI used to be able to recite five out of the six verses of My Country - never got me a shag though... at 16 (which is how old I was when I learned it, not how old I am now, thank all the gods!) it's not terribly likely to impress your peers.
God I hope you washed it well, Catlick
ReplyDeleteI used to mentally recite Shakey's Sonnet 29 when I was having my braces tightened at the orthodontist's. It had 14 lines back then. Now it only has 8
I'm assuming that zucchini had a particular shape that suggested it was far more suited to the position it attained than that of its humbler ratatouille-destined brethren.
ReplyDelete"Had we but world enough, and time,
ReplyDeleteThis courgette, lady, were no crime".
"There was runctions at the vinyard for the word had passed around that the plump and firm courgette had got away,
ReplyDeleteAnd had joined the ratatouille, t'was the only one to be found,
So all the "cracks" had had it for the day...*
*apologies to Banjo..
colt of old regret had gone astray
ReplyDeleteI believe it's "the colt from Old Regret had got away"
But Catlick has reproduced a nicer version much more attuned to the current Zucchini fetish.
Apart from that I'm leaving the whole "vegetable as sex toy" thing alone.
I'm fond of vegetables, but we're just close friends.
ReplyDeletegot me more roots at Uni
ReplyDeleteYou mean root vegetables? Not tubers or legumes?
Don't vegies sounds better in French? Courgette sounds so exotic and yummy, as opposed to Zucchini. And wouldn't everyone prefer an aubergine to an eggplant?
And I remain the headline act on the cheeky followers comment. Long may I reign over you.
So Perseus, we won't be seeing Pony Girl replaced by Potato Girl anytime soon?
ReplyDeleteOr, heaven forbid, Mr Potato Head.
ReplyDeleteScrew you all for hogging all the roots and vegetables puns! You could save a couple for those of us who arrive later. Selfish bastards.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I've missed this thread. And the opportunity to state that I can say Humpty Dumpty in German. Never got me anywhere, not sure why.
ReplyDeleteAnd the opportunity to state that I can say Humpty Dumpty in German
ReplyDeleteWell Melba? I'm waiting .....
Wirgele Wagele
ReplyDeleteAuf der bank
Felt is runter
Is est krank.
Ist kein doktor
Im Ganzen Land
Der dem Wirgele Wagele
Helfen kann?
(Apols for spelling and mistakes. I am going deep, deep into memory space for this one folks.)
So, Wari, are you interested? Did that do things for you?
It did Melba, it did.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm pretty easy to please.