Some weeks ago, I speculated where Jesus would bat if he played for the Australian test team.
Perseus pooh-poohed this idea and stated Jesus would be a stoner and wouldn’t even watch the match.
Well, I was right and Perseus was wrong, as Dr Abraham Terian points out in this article in the Age recently
Quoting from his Armenian source, Terian says the gospel relates how Jesus, at the age of nine, had been apprenticed to a master dyer named Israel in Tiberias, on the shores of the Sea of Galilee.
"Jesus is instructed to watch Israel's house and not leave the place while the master goes away on a tour to collect clothes to be dyed. But no sooner has Israel left the house, than Jesus runs out with the boys,'' Terian says.
"The most amazing part of the story of the nine-year-old Jesus playing a form of cricket with the boys at the sea shore, is that he would go on playing the game on water, over the sea waves.''
So, who’s the better theological scholar now then, eh?
Nyeerr, nyeerr.
Of course when he was nine he'd play cricket, but by the time he turned 15 Joseph would be telling him to go to cricket training and Jesus would be all like, "You don't understand me!" and Mary would be all like, "What's happened to you?" and Joseph would be all like, "Do as you're told, son" and Jesus would be like, "Shutup, you're not my real father," and then he'd run out the backdoor to smoke bongs with other long-haired hippies and listen to JBT.
ReplyDeleteFurther proof.
ReplyDeleteFrom the Book of Wisden 20, 11-14.
11. And Matthew spake, saying "Jesus, we're six wickets down and we're still 200 runs short of avoiding the follow-on. We need a miracle."
12. And Jesus said "leave it to me, chief."
13. And Jesus did smite the bowling and the Galilee First XI did pull off a surprise victory.
14. And there was much rejoicing at the club's pie-night.
I think Jesus gave up the cricket in his teens when he discovered he could turn a mug of water into cheap goon.
ReplyDeleteHe should have taken up golf rather than cricket, though...
"Water trap? Ha, what water trap?"
It's well known Moses was the keen golfer. Boogey.
ReplyDeleteThe parting of the Red Sea was originally sparked by a lost golf ball.
Hole 18 on the Exodus golf course was always a tricky one - tee off in Egypt, sink your ball in Canaan. Anyone scoring a Birdie gets a plaque proclaiming their prophethood and entry to the members lounge.
ReplyDeleteAnd Perseus, why aren't you getting the sea-side cottage ready for Artemis' visit?
ReplyDeleteGolf was a major problem in the Old Testamanent. Though Adam named the game 'golf', Cain killed Abel in an argument over whenether three shots under-par should be known as an 'Albatross' or a 'Domesticated Guineafowl'.
ReplyDeleteShe's not coming until the weekend of September 7. Though the gardeners have been booked.
ReplyDeleteThis visit is sounding more and more like a Go-Betweens song.
ReplyDeleteHe's flying over the sea to catch a ball? Sounds more like quidditch to me
ReplyDeleteWho's flying, squib?
ReplyDeleteMoses parted the water trap on the 18th, and Jesus walked over his.
Though the gardeners have been booked.
ReplyDeleteHow metrosexual of you to get the back, crack and sack done.
Jesus was flying Boogey. Everyone knows this
ReplyDeleteForget the gardeners Perseus, why don't you get your chainsaw out and carve her an ice sculpture.
ReplyDeleteAnd quidditch is definitely more interesting than cricket.
I think you're confusing Jesus with Monkey, squib.
ReplyDeleteAnd quidditch is definitely more interesting than cricket.
Heretic.
I note the article says Jesus was playing with a club and ball, which sounds more like baseball. I wonder if he ever got to third base.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if he ever got to third base.
ReplyDeleteDan Brown certainly seems to think so.
And quidditch is definitely more interesting than cricket
ReplyDeleteUmm, Quidditch is imaginary.
But then again, so is Jesus.
Well his divinity anyway.
with a club and ball, which sounds more like baseball
ReplyDeleteGood point. In fact, he may have been totally gay and been playing Rounders for all we know.
Jesus and Monkey both have beards sure but I wasn't mixing them up Ramon
ReplyDeleteThe only way he could walk on water is if he sort of hovered there. Think about it
Flying is simple compared to pulling loaves and fish out of thin air. Just ask Harry Potter
Just ask Harry Potter
ReplyDeleteWasn't he that cunt with the owls?
The very same
ReplyDeleteI'll have no truck with filthy owlists, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteThe only way he could walk on water is if he sort of hovered there. Think about it
ReplyDeleteNah, he just changed the molecular nature of the water to make it support the weight of a half-human/half-divine entity.
Flying is simple compared to pulling loaves and fish out of thin air. Just ask Harry Potter
Harry Potter couldn't fly, he could only ride a flying broomstick. Body flying was actually quite difficult.
I didn't say Jesus didn't have a broomstick
ReplyDelete