Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Impressively weird conversations at work. Part One.


"Waddya mean I've had one gin-soaked mouse too many!"

Me: "I see scientists have finally found a way to stop mice with a drinking problem falling off the wagon."

Co-worker: "What!?"

Me: "This article here. It says scientists have found a way to stop mice with a drinking problem falling off the wagon."

Co-worker: "That's ridiculous. Why would scientists give mice alcohol in the first place?"

Me: "Are you saying mice shouldn't be given alcohol? Because that seems a bit harsh."

Co-worker: "Well, where else are mice going to get alcohol from? Answer me that!"

Me: "Home brewing."

Co-worker: "Home brewing?"

Me: "Home brewing. Think about it; if I was a small creature whose sole purpose in life was to be a tasty snack for larger animals, I'd be permanently pissed as well. What do you think?"

Co-worker: "I think we're both lucky the Boss is away this week."

Next.

A political post.

When I stop screaming and punching holes in things.

61 comments:

catlick said...

The Labor Party is dead to me.

Melba said...

Ah fuck yes.

And on home brewing: my father made beer in the garage in plastic rubbish bins and strained it through my mother's wedding veil.

I'm pretty sure he asked her first.

Alex said...

The Labor Party is dead to me.

"The Labor Party is dead" might be just as accurate.

Given what I've seen so far, the top five things I expect to see discussed in the media between now and the election:

1. How dysfunctional is the Labor party?
2. How much do they despise Rudd?
3. Who leads after the election?
4. Have they lost all teh womenz?
5. Boats, boats, boats, boats ... boats?

... and Tony Abbott skates to victory in the house.

How's the numbers look in the senate? I need some good news.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Greg Jericho summs it all up rather nicely here.

Them's the breaks.

Melba said...

That's funny Alex. We were talking about the skating guy as well last night. Abbott just sails on while everyone else falls around him? I hope not. But talk about grim times. And how about the Texan filibuster yesterday. What a day it was come to think of it.

Alex said...

Oh Christ, that front page. I swear, the first knob who shouts "Queenslander" at me today gets a trip to the blood bin.

But I can't see Rudd getting a sustained honeymoon with the press, especially in other states. Can he overcome that? Does he go early?

Melbs, I only heard about the Texas thing second-hand, but it sounded like a pretty bloody impressive effort. And it worked, right?

Melba said...

I believe it did work Alex but there's been some confusion about the legality of what happened (not the filibuster-er but trying to sneak a vote through after midnight and noise levels obscuring stuff.) Haven't had time to check it closely so I'm also a bit second-hand on it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It has worked - for the time being.

Republicans may try and re-introduce it.

Cath said...

I don't know where to put my vote come September.... But if Penny Wong took over, the ALP would finally have someone with morals I admire at the helm!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Cath,

One party will bring us;

- The National Broadband Network,

- Gonski,

- A price on carbon.

- Wage increases for the lowest paid.

The other will not.

Alex said...

Yeah, but the other will give you:

- A decades-slower roll-out of what will eventually be the same network - but cheaper.*

- Hands-off race-to-the-bottom education competition between the states.†

- DIRECT fucking ACTION on climate change.**

- Less red-tape for businesses, which will allow them to pay higher wages.***

It'll be just like a return to the golden years of Howard. Don't you want that? Why wouldn't you want that?


* Sort of. In one respect. In the short term. Sort of.

** Abbott will strip-down, oil-up, and wrestle climate change to the death.

*** It's what every business really wants to do. That's why, wherever you go in the world, the most profitable businesses, operating under the least amount of regulation, always pay the highest wages.

† I worry that even if we get Gonski, by the time things are fully hammered out with the states, the implementation'll end up like the super-profits-tax. Also, the QLD govt keeps dropping these lines that look like weird hints about wanting to privatise public schools.


Actually, I know where you're coming from Cath. Between the Palmeroids and the Kattermites, we're spoilt for choice up here.

Any Victorians planning to vote for Assange in the senate?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Any Victorians planning to vote for Assange in the senate?

What, and elect another narcissistic misogynist to the Federal Parliament?

No thanks.

Melba said...

But he's a good hacker. I'd vote for Assange. Maybe.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Great hacker.

By most accounts, odious human being.

Alex said...

I've been giving what you said some thought for the last couple of weeks, Ramon.

Firstly, is it right to call someone a misogynist if they're an egomaniac with a general contempt for everybody?

And, isn't it alright to support someone politically if you think he might push some things in the direction you'd like them to go, even if you reckon he's probably a bit of a dick-biscuit? Not trying to draw a direct comparison to Kruddy; more like a broad philosophical one.

Melba said...

I don't know much about him Ramon, so odious how exactly? And I think I agree with what Alex is suggesting in her third par. I don't need to like a politician to think he might do things that I would support. Not that he's a politician. But just say.

Melba said...

And is he a misogynist because of the rape charge or for other reasons? Sorry for the hard questions but... I'd like to know what you think.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Documentary film maker Alex Gibney is not a huge fan.

Mr E said...

By most accounts, odious human being.

Oh Pulease, Ramon.

By most accounts.....
Sources close to the government...
An anoymous source with links to the case.....
It is widely thought/speculated/believed....

The oldest journalistic dodge there is!

I've been following this for a long time and have never heard a public utterence that could in any way be considered mysogynist. As to the Sweden thing, no charges have been made. I don't know the man personally but I know lots of people who do, having lived for twenty years in Olinda surrounded by members of "The Family", which Assange was lucky enough to escape from at an early age before too much damage was done*. Most describe him as an intelligent, thoughtfully and funny guy.'

So to put the question again. Odious human being? How so? By what evidence?

If the best you've got is an American Doco maker making a program primarily to appeal to an American audience by re-enforcing the mainstream meme that Assange is guilty of treason in a country of which he is not even a citizen, then sorry comrade, major FAIL.

*Although the fact that he still dyes his hair Blonde is a matter for quiet concern.

Melba said...

I want to High Five you Mr E but that would be inelegant. I also wondered whether Ramon's comment was just bit of propaganda or whether there was something I'd missed about Assange. I am heartened by your comment, Mr E, because while there might be other adjectives for him, I wouldn't have put odious out there as one of them. But like I said, I haven't followed it closely if at all. The rape thing, as you put it, is without charge (I meant to say 'accusations') and could be bullshit or it could be true but without that being proven, and even if it were, depending on the circumstances, I don't know that 'odious' would be a certainty.

I see Assange's hair as white, not blond, there's no yellow, it's the white hair of a man who has gone grey very young.

Excuse me, it's Tour time. Back later.

Alex said...

I remember back before the Manning leaks, when Wikileaks was primarily getting up the nose of banks and Scientologists; I read a couple of comments from people claiming to have worked with Assange who said, while he was intelligent and charming, he could also be demanding, manipulative, abusive and prone to childish temper-tantrums (so, the parallels to Kruddy continue, I guess). These are the ones that have stuck with me the most, because they came from a time before Assange and Wikileaks were mainstream news. I wish I could remember who or where I got them from, but it's going back about six years now and I probably wasn't paying as much attention to the details back then.

The journos who worked with him on the Manning leaks all had pretty nasty things to say about him; but then I suppose they could've been covering their arses after that cock-up with the leaking of the non-redacted documents.

And afterwards, I seem to remember Dan Schmitt/Domshit-berg/whatever his name was, who left to start his own Wikileaks, giving Assange quite a lambasting; but then you could say he had an ulterior motive too.

The ladies in Sweden obviously thought he was alright to start with but changed their mind. And while he should be presumed innocent until proven guilty and, as you say, he hasn't even been charged at this point, and it's easy to jump to the conclusion that the whole thing's a pretext for extradition to America ... I still don't like the idea of brushing these types of things off.

I haven't seen the "We Steal Secrets" film, but some weeks ago I heard an interview with yanky-doco-maker-Alex promoting it. He reckoned he was a huge fan or what Manning and Wikileaks did (can't remember if he mentioned Snowden) and hoped that they were a spark for something bigger. But, he said his impression of Assange was that he was arrogant, egotistical, bitter, paranoid, secretive and possibly delusional. Now, that could've been hyperbole and 18 months stuck in a bloody embassy in London could've taken their toll.

Look, I wouldn't want to make any definitive judgments about his personality without having actually met the man, but at this point, I'd say I've seen enough of these kinds of accusations, over a long enough period of time, that I at least wonder if some of it isn't true. And then, on the other hand, I guess it really doesn't matter to me. I'd probably support the biggest knob on Earth if they were pushing the right barrow. It wouldn't stop me calling them a knob. And that wouldn't stop me supporting them.

Melba said...

But I don't think any of that equals odious necessarily Alex. Odious is a strong word. Paranoid, secretive and bitter can all be explained by how he got into trouble and no one has helped him (eg Australian government); egotistical, arrogant, demanding and manipulative I don't see as odious; they can often just be characteristic of people who are ambitious or high-achieving or whatever. Charming and intelligent fits with that. Abusive and prone to temper tantrums are not so good and could indicate odiousness but again: who is saying it?

Maybe this man is becoming like a myth; everything is being said about him and no one knows the truth. Like Keyser Sose. (Joking. Kind of.)

To the bikes!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Do people want a separate post on this?

Happy to oblige.

Alex said...

Well, if you've got a post in you on the subject, I'd love to read it, Ramon.

How go dem pushies, Melbs?

Melba said...

Didn't watch them last night Alex, the night before killed me and I knew I had to get up oily today. It was a time trial last night. Finishes Sunday night but it starts the usual time it finishes here... 1.30am. I don't have work Monday so maybe I'll go to bed and get up for it. It doesn't seem as exciting as last year, not as many crashes, peloton seems smaller according to Princess (haven't checked on that) and Evans seems finished. The Australian team did some stuff earlier on so they have achieved their goals for second year in the race, but yellow jersey has been held by one guy for ages and he is solid in it. He is from the same team that helped Wiggins win last year so it's all a bit samey-samey in a way.

Yes please, I'd like a separate post on Assange if, like Alex said, you have more to say?

Happy day all.

Alex said...

It doesn't seem as exciting as last year, not as many crashes

Yes, that is generally disappointing when it comes to these types of sports, isn't it?

catlick said...

The Australian Cricket Team is dead to me.

Alex said...

Jeez Catlick, what's left?

Perseus said...

I've spent many hours in the past fortnight yelling at the TV, "Just hit the fucking ball!" but I was wrong to yell that, because invariably when we did hit the fucking ball it was caught behind or in slips.

I think we should keep Clarke, Agar and Siddle, then sack the rest.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

At this stage, I'm thinking that if an Australian batsman can walk out to the crease without falling over, then we've done well.

Melba said...

Perseus do you ever come to Melbourne? Can we persuade you for a meet up? Trying to rally interest, I have Ramon and Mr E (hopefully) on board.

Anyone else?

Count Typo said...

I'm in

Perseus said...

Who the hell is Count Typo?
I come in once a week for work and band stuff. Usually Tuesdays. I'm in if Ramon brings us lemons. And if Count Typo wears a nun's outfit.

Melba said...

Fabulous. Count Typo is Mr E. He might wear a nun's outfit. I don't know if there be lemons, let's wait for Ramon.

A Tuesday could be good.

Melba said...

Let's try and make this happen. I'm going to be in Fitzroy next Wed 7 Aug and the following Tues 13 Aug. Need to be somewhere both nights at 6.30 but can meet for drinky-poos before-hand. Please register interest at melbamay2013 AT gmail DOT COM...

Anyone welcome but not you freaky stalker people who I don't know.

catlick said...

The Umpire Decision Review System (DRS) is dead to me.

Melba said...

OK I'm just using this as my diary space. Tues 13 August is now out sorry, but next Wed I'm still open. WIDE. And not embarrassed at all that no one's talking to me.

Alex said...

Hey Melbs, sorry to hear you're getting ignored. Hmmm, well, on what we were talking about earlier, I just saw that Leslie Cannold is running for the Wikileaks party. Thought you might possibly be interested in what she had to say. Might be an option for Victorians like you who might be iffy on Assange as a person. I dunno.

Catlick, today I would've given quite a bit to be at home, complaining about bloody cricket. Instead, I was at the home of someone with a passion for making (and showing off) experimental "art" films. The kind that don't tell any kind of story and can apparently be strung into endless playlists, like music tracks.

Fucking hell.

Also, one of the "movies" had audio from a conversation I'd had with this person that they'd secretly recorded. That was a bit weird.

Melba said...

Hey Alex, ahaha, the cricket's on. It's probably that.

Leslie Cannold, I don't really like her, so it kind of makes it a less attractive option for me, although it does give Assange a bit more credibility because she's quite respected and has a high profile (not that he needs any more profile). I think she's a bit of a show pony and has her own agenda (sure, I know we all do but she's a public person and I need a bit more balance I suppose to think someone's credible). I know you'll ask for a reason, here's my reason: Couple of years ago I went to a 50-years of the Pill 'event' with speakers etc in Melbourne and she spoke, and it was all about a) her work, her perspectives and her beliefs about contraception (and quite politicised)and she turned it into a rant against Big Pharma, and while I actually agree with and am sympathetic to a lot of the points she made, it wasn't relevant to a celebration of the Pill and the choices it has meant for women and b) she wrote a bad first novel. It was a great premise but she stuffed it up with too much flowery writing. That's not a reason to not like her but I suppose I don't see her as a solid person who makes good decisions, just based on those two things. I have more of a positive feeling about Assange but nothing to base it on really.

I don't know who I'll vote for - the only certainty is it won't be the LNP. I saw a reasonable argument to vote for the Greens around the traps but the blogger was that lawyer you guys picked on (?!) years back. (That'll bring Ramon out of the woodwork, away from the cricket, surely.)

Melba said...

I left a message for Kettle on her blog too, maybe she can come.

Hello?

Melba said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melba said...

[breaks wind]

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Ahem.

catlick said...

We lauded "The Invincibles" and we can now enshrine "The Capitulaters". In other news, the fellow who drove over me has argued ADHD, crushing parental expectations and or sibling angst in a 5 hour courtroom drama that never once, not even in passing, made reference to me. He was given a good behaviour bond, no fine, and a licence suspension. As Steve Coogan sings.....

patchouligirl said...

Hi all from the safe Labor seat of Charlton (made even safer now that there is no Liberal candidate running). It'll be back to the future at the polls here as everyone rocks up to the local primary school to vote for Kevin all over again. Unfortunately the rest of Australia also get to vote; let's hope some of our enlightened example rubs off. Maybe they'll let Tony say a few more things before the election; that usually helps Labor. How's fatherhood treating you Perseus?

Melba said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
squib said...

Apparently back in April when we all filled out Overseas Notification forms, scanned them, returned them to AEC, we should in fact have filled out Registration as Overseas Voter forms

Alex said...

Ramon, yes, that did all fall apart rather smartly, didn't it?

Squib, very sorry to hear about your predicament.

Catlick, doubly so. Catchy tune but. On a related note, does anyone know anyone who's been to a shrink in the last ten years and not been diagnosed with ADHD?

Melba, [sniffs] what have you been eating?

Just came back from a fortnight in QLD's interior. The #1 issue on the minds of people I talked to? Flying foxes. People are terrified of Hendra & Lyssa. In some places, houses too close to trees where they roosts are unsellable. Maybe Kruddy could swing some seats with an eleventh-hour anti-bat policy. Also, Campbell Newman is not a popular fellow.

Anyone got plans for election night?

Melba said...

This is a test comment from the future in Clifton Hill Sat night.

Melba said...

Yes I'm going to a good old-fashioned election party. Probably will be a little bit Don's and a little bit not, with all of us depressed around 10.30 - 11pm I'm guessing. The last time I was with the same group of people at an election party was 2004 when Latham lost and Howard won. It was very depressing. Wonder what it would have been like with a Latham government. Maybe even more damaging than Howard. Anyway it was a horribly depressing evening as there'd been hope for some reason.

Should gather here for commentary and sharing? I can do that remotely...

Melba said...

Ooh it works.

Anyone around? eg Ramon do you want to start a new post and it can be like Don's Party but we're all on devices?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'll probably be too pissed, Melbs.

Melba said...

Start a new post now and then me and Alex will fill it. Or I will on my own.

Dare ya.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Challenge accepted.

Melba said...

Awesome. Prepare for scintillating, insightful, skilled, deft election commentary. (Four of these adjectives are utter lies.)

Alex said...

If the polls are any indication, you should probably prepare to see the Kubler-Ross model played out in real time. Even I'm contemplating getting pissed for this one, Ramon.

Melbs, you plan to spend the evening looking at your phone while at a party? Who are you and what have you done with the real Melba?

Also, speaking of the last term of Howard, why haven't I heard anyone even mention the senate this time around (Nick Minchin doesn't count)? Anyone seen any projections for what that's going to look like?

Alex said...

Dear God,

I just saw this article teasing the possibility of Sophie Mirabella losing her seat. Look, I know it's hard for you to get stuff done on account of you're a bit of a useless prick and an imaginary, made-up person and that; but I'd consider it a big personal favour if you could make this come true.

Cheers, big fella

P.S. While you've got your hand in the miracle jar, could you do something about Mal Brough, too. Thanks

Melba said...

You're right Alex, I might promise commentary but really, I'd be dancing to Rage. Or sobbing into the ice bucket. Or flirting with someone. Or getting bothered by someone else. Or boring someone about something.

But I thought I could check in occasionally...

Yeah it's the sort of thing I'd hate the others to be doing. On their phone, at the party, while I'm dancing to Rage.

Melba said...

OK I'm setting up a page at mine. Anyone who wants to wander over tonight please do. No Liberals.

catlick said...

Queensland. Tick.

Alex said...

Quite, Catlick. I've been turning cartwheels all day -- hoping this isn't simply the return of the Bligh/Beattie government.

Personally, I'm hoping they do away with these bikie laws sometime soonish.

And I hear talk the federal Libs are reconsidering TA's tenure. Do we dare to dream?