"Tony Abbott is our new Prime Minister? Seriously!?
OK, political tragics, it's on.
Feel free to bang away with predictions, early calls of the board or teh hotness of Antony Green.
No deffo actions, please.
Also, got into a shouting match with the Wikileaks Party people.
God, they're a pack of aresholes!
Posts
77 comments:
Oh I see how it is. You're late to send out invitations, meanwhile I start my party and you set up in competition?
Lucky we're only two streets away, we can pop back and forth I reckon.
Pray tell about the wiki scandale? Was it at the polling booth and what did you say to them?
Thought I'd pop back. You still haven't served drinks?
Should we just help ourselves then? Only seems to be Coopers in the fridge
Yes, I think we should Squib. The prospect of an Abbott govt has done the unthinkable and gotten me to break several years of sobriety.
Cunt.
Lucky I brought a bottle of Glenfiddich then
Oh but I brought Lafroaig, squib. We should have co-ordinated. Wonder where Ramon is. Do you think that's his bedroom door over there? Should we knock?
If he's not in there, we should go in and rearrange his cupboards.
Is it just me, or is that Joe O'Brien a bit alright? Shit, I think I need to pace myself a little more.
I have also brought silly string and marine flares and a bouncy castle
I think you should knock
It's just you. You are falling off the wagon big time
Too late. Yay, bouncy castle!
Didn't think I'd be cheering Palmer tonight, but it looks like he might be the only thing that could knock off Mal Brough at this point.
Go Clive!
Any word on Sophie at this point?
"She's in trouble."
Cheers, Greeny; music to mine ears.
On a night like tonight, one has to take the samll victories.
"She's in a lot of trouble"
Greeny, I could kiss you.
It annoys me that the ABC virtual room (or whatever they're calling it - I have it on mute) only has male stick figures on the benches. Women don't sit like that
Hey Puss, long time, how goes things?
I mean apart from the fact that we've now got an Abbott govt.
... and ABC stick figures are all blokes.
I'm weirded out by the fact that Joe isn't casting a shadow, too.
Hey Alex. Things go alright. Except that we've now got an Abbott govt. I hate that man so much. How are things with you?
Hello made it back. It is all over and well...
We have an Abbott govt, so things go terribly Puss.
Like I said at Melba's, it wasn't like I was in love with Labor or thought the Libs would never get in again or some shit. If it'd been Turnbull, it really wouldn't have been a big deal.
But I've loather Abbott since he was health minister under Howard. I'd hoped, when he was winging about his pay as shadow minister, that he'd piss off into the private sector and sponge of contracts from conservative state governments like Costello did (hope that's not considered defamatory, Ramon).
And now the cunt's PM.
And Barnaby Rubble won New England. Still waiting to hear decisively about Brough & Mirabella. Fingers crossed.
Sorry if I seem a bit flaky. First time I've been on the turps in years.
How's the married life, by the way?
Seems like ages since we've had a chat.
So tired.
So drunk.
Bye.
Also shocked that Katter might lose Kennedy.
For fucking Abbott.
I've got a lot of family in that seat. I used to live in that seat.
Fucking shocked.
Ramon, in two or three days, when the hangover's passed and the wounds aren't quite so tender; I wouldn't mind hearing a knowledgeable bloke, steeped in political history, like yourself, giving an appraisal of exactly what the fuck you think went so fuckin' wrong here.
Or anyone else who thinks they've got an answer.
Cheers.
I think it's because people who swing easily between the two major parties were so fed up by the ALP's instability. And then they get Liberal government for a while and then they want a change. The whole thing is decided each time on where these people's disgruntlements lie. And they are all fuckwads.
Just woke up.
Abbott still PM.
Bugger.
Will write something more coherent later.
Swingin' party Melbs.
I voted for The Sex Party because they had great policies. They're like The Australian Democrats used to be but with a slightly less cynical name. Anyway I voted then I watched footy all weekend. Fucking Richmond.
One end of Sophie or the other... it was well worth the money I spent on Cathy McGowan's campaign. I remain hopeful. As for the rest, I'm going to learn to meditate.... or something.
Oh, my apologies, that's so weird. The link originally had a photo of Sophie with a lipstick anus mouth, but it's been replaced with a less amusing shot. Makes you long for google cache abilities.
The SMH still has it up, but in case that gets edited, here is a page of Sophie goodness. Anus shot down the page.
Q: How do you give Sophie Mirabella a marginal Liberal seat.
A: Give her a safe Liberal seat and wait a couple of terms.
It's looking slightly better. The AEC "found" a box containing over a 1000 miscounted McGowan votes, and after each vote was inspected by nearly 40 of Sophie's scrutineers they have provided a buffer against the predicted flow of postal votes.
And this didn't take long, inside a week:
Sophie's Downfall
Catlick, I thought last election you said you were in Greg Hunt's division; are you in Sophie's now. Well, even if you are, hopefully not for much longer, eh? This might be the one silver lining to this whole shemozzle, no?
Ace picky, by the way.
I hear these stories about "finding" ballots and recording-errors and sending papers to the wrong state, and it makes me wonder how thorough things are at the AEC. Anyone got any first-hand experience?
The vid was nicely scripted, but I wonder if you could have got a better effect by editing a Mirabellan episode of Q&A (or something) and matching it to the audio.
Alex I am in Greg Hunt's electorate, but I felt motivated to throw some money at Cathy McGowan's campaign. Motivated, I might say, by a desperate need to salvage something from this train wreck which, to prolong the metaphor, has yet to come to a halt. I fear the damage yet to come.
And in related news.
Run, Albo, run!
Albo is running!!!!!!!
I don't fucking care about any of it anymore.
Go Cats.
I fear the damage yet to come.
sigh. Agreed. Should have thrown her a few bob myself.
Albo is running!!!!!!!
Hmmm, so long as we don't end up with an Albo V Shortman factional stoush that leads to 10+ years of Abbott, I'm not sure I really care too much about who leads the ALP either, at this point.
Although, I think it's interesting that both have fingered Plibersek as a likely deputy. She must be pretty popular within the ranks. Or exceptionally competent. Or it's just the done thing now to have a female deputy. Or some combination thereof. Or something.
To Alex I say: "what could possibly go wrong?"
To any currently serving members of the ADF who may be passing by, I say "learning a little conversational Syrian may come in handy".
Go Cats.
Cats gone. As is Sophie, it seems. High-five Catlick.
what could possibly go wrong?
Oh, you.
learning a little conversational Syrian may come in handy
Still too early to make a start on Farsi, ya reckon?
Yes, they are gone but anyway... it's fine considering the wider state of the world and all.
Fortunately the Syrian and Farsi words for "KA-BOOOM!" are the same.
Maybe we'll all get lucky and they won't be able to afford to go.
Hey, what do you reckon'll happen if the Tea-baggers dig their heels in and the Yanks default?
I know, I know, the campaign donors won't stand for it, but like, hypothetically?
Statement issued from somewhere by someone …. “Now that Chopper Read is dead, I’d like to set the record straight. Who did what to whom is not really important, but I know Chopper would want the truth to come out. Yeah, he’s not here to back me up, and sorry I didn’t get around to it earlier and it’s not true that I am a weak prick and a coward. Anyway, he never did that stuff to me, in fact he and I were best mates over the years and he had a bit of a rep to keep up, so I was sort of helping him out in a way.”
I'd just like to take the opportunity to publicly assert, what is now my unshakable conclusion, that Campbell Newman is both a fuckwit and a cunt.
Thank you for your patience. That is all.
[blows into microphone]
Happy New Year's comrades.
Have been watching much cricket.
Will be back in 2014, with heaps of new posts.
Or not.
Who the hell knows.
Happy new year, Ramon, and everyone else.
I am not a cricket watcher, but I have been enjoying watching the 20/20 (or T20, or whatever the fuck it's called) each night, with family members; sitting in the dark, so the little midges don't swarm in through the fly-screens. They should do a women's league.
We watched the ABC's new-year's thing, and wasn't that fuckin' shithouse? Still, a fitting end to the year, I suppose.
Looking forward to all those posts brightening things up in 2014.
Or not.
Take care, all.
Hello Ramon! HNY to you and yours too.
I haven't been watching any cricket for I do not like it.
But glad to see your words and that things are fine and there might be more posts. Or not.
I haven't been watching any cricket for I do not like it.
This saddens me.
Deeply.
I know. It's why you don't come to my blog I'm sure.
But maybe one day I'll want to learn about it. I know a lot of people like it.
Melbs, do you really want some lunatic barging into your blog, stumbling around drunkenly, ranting about owls?
Really?!
YESSSSSSS
Oi Ramon, ya old bugger; seen any good articles on what's going on with Sharman & Rabbit and all? Or better yet, got a take on it yourself? You must be enjoying the show at the moment, no? I've been stuck out at whoop-whoop with naught but ABC radio to stay informed, and even I can't suppress a little smile.
Hope everything else is going well too, by the way.
Short version, Alex?
1. Dr Stone is the local MP.
2. She hates Abbott.
3. She will never be a minister (see point two above).
4. Indi.
Ah, thank you Ramon; I hadn't even considered Indi, but it does make a lot of sense.
Still out in the sticks. Still bugger all internet access.
Also, things are dry.
How goes it back in civilisation?
Congratulations to the Victorian Labor Party for a disciplined campaign and an historic result. Politics is a bit more fun/a bit less painful this week.
I hope QLD Labor can similarly get their act together for next year. And I hope they repeal these bloody criminal association laws if they do.
How's it going Catlick? Last time we spoke, you were doing rehab after your accident, and I think legal stuff was still ongoing?
Hey Alex. How are things with you? My legal stuff is still ongoing. Drinks on me when it settles. Insurance companies... lovable rogues. Knife edge stuff in Fisher in SA. Tony Abbott is still a cunt. Who knew the government would legislate to pay to train Catholic seminarians but not, of course, Mullahs. Some things never change.
Ugh, you have my condolences on the insurance issue. How's everything working out on the medical front?
Tony Abbott is still a cunt
Quite. At this point, I can't see him growing out of it either. And then there's the people around him -- Pyne, Cormann, Bishop, the other Bishop; I nearly fell over when that prick from The Institute Of Public Affairs was given the title of Human Rights Commissioner.
As for the funding, I have to imagine Tony got an email from pell@holy.see, containing a virtual high-five over that one. And the Mullahs, well, you don't want people to see you feeding the bogeyman now, do you?
Seriously, I don't think it was even ten years ago that I started getting properly interested in politics and current-affairs -- and it seemed like such a lark. Already I feel burnt-out by the bloody bombardment of bombastic balderdash. I don't know how people go their whole lives engaged with this bollocks. Still, putting one's head back in the sand isn't much of an alternative, is it?
Apart from that, I'm doing well enough. Enjoying the summer, in spite of storms knocking my power out from time to time.
Speaking of summer, you're a cricket fan, aren't you Catlick? Looking forward to The Big Bash, or are you more of an "all whites" type person? I hear they're going to try and get a lady's league off the ground next year. Have you considered trying out?
I prefer my cricketers dressed in white playing Test cricket. I prefer my politicians competent. I prefer my Catholic Cardinals indicted.
My legs are... I think the correct medical term is... fucked. I'm shopping for knees later this decade. And the National Party is not the only one suffering from Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.
Thanks for chatting. I miss this place.
I prefer my cricketers dressed in white playing Test cricket. I prefer my politicians competent. I prefer my Catholic Cardinals indicted.
I hope that first thing is the most important to you, because I don't much like your chances of getting the other two anytime soon. I think I have a Stockholm syndrome type love affair with T20. Last Christmas I was trapped in a situation where we couldn't turn on the lights because of midges, and cricket was the only thing we could agree to watch.
Sorry to hear about the state of your lower limbs. Kudos on using the NATs as a comparison for something that's up shit creek; although, I do hope your legs aren't in danger of withering away until they're subsumed into your body by means of vanishing up your arsehole.
I miss this place.
Yeah. I know what you mean.
I miss it too. Just remembered it existed and swung by hopefully...
I miss Ramon.
I miss Persey.
I miss Mr E.
I lurk.
Owl cafes.
Haiiii Ramon!
Something NQR with the site. Anyone?
NQR = "Not Quite Right", right?
Looks alright to me. What's going on at your end, Catlick?
No biggie Alex. The 2 comments we posted after my Owl Cafe post aren't appearing on the site, but are visible in the preview.
Gotta finish my novena for Tony. Still not quite sure which outcome I'm praying for. I lean towards him menacingly bullying the party room, denying the spill, and dying a death of a thousand cuts over the next few months. He can then join Campbell Newman in the LNP museum of cunts whilst the 'Bull can try, hopefully, too late, to fix things in time for the next election. Yes, that's definitely what I'm praying for.
I think you'll find the two missing comments in the thread previous to this one.
The masochist in me is secretly hoping they drop Bishop in the hot seat. Then, when she loses, we can go back to endlessly discussing how sexist Australia is, and why we're just not ready for a female PM.
And I quite like the idea of an LNP Museum Of Cunts. The centerpiece would surely have to be a giant talking statue of Menzies, draped in a Union Jack. But where would you build it?
I think regional museums would each have to provide a wing to fit them all in. Or, given museums are now just storage units with interactive screens and cafes, and kids are fat fucks, they could install a virtual interactive boxercise set up where you could cock punch and bitch slap former ministers, (... including you Sophie, you stay RIGHT where you are)*.
*apologies to Kill Bill.
If you cunt-punted Sophie, she could pull that baboon's-arse face. Then take to Wilson Tuckey with an actual iron bar. And imagine the noises the Alexander Downer could be programmed to make. This is a splendid idea.
CuntPunchSophie.com (sorry. no link) is a fisting site featuring a Fantasy Fisting League. Sophie was my Offensive Back but I may have to move her to Wide Receiver.
How does one get into fantasy fisting, Catlick?
Carefully, I imagine.
Where's that slimy faggot Ramon gone?
Thus far the 2015 Ashes Campaign is notable for some prescient calling by Heals, and the apparent senescence of Brad Haddin. Starc sprays like an rotor sprinkler, eventually getting the stumps wet, and with England at 7/343 Australia looks well placed for day 2.
And in news to hand, TURC is experiencing an outbreak of Confirmation Bias.
Day 2: Oh dear.
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