Tuesday, February 1, 2011

You're just too hip, baby.

Oh, go away, you lot!

The other day I was in Westgarth*, looking for lunch.

My usual café was closed, so I wandered down a couple of doors to a place that looked vaguely; a) open and b) palatable.

Imagine my horror comrades when I went in and found the place full of hipsters!

Hipsters! Filthy hipsters!

Hipsters everywhere; being ironic, wearing the sort of glasses that only John Faulkner can rock and tweeting about their latest “fixie” bike to their hipster mates.

The food wasn’t bad but you couldn’t get a beer** for love nor money.

I’m not necessarily opposed to hipsters gathering at a particular café (it keeps them from roaming the streets, being all ironic), but I suggest a simple warning at the entrance to alert normal people – something low-key like;

Warning!

Hipsters inside!!

Hipster cafes*** - Nie wieder!

* I know Desci is rolling her eyes and saying “well durrr, a café in Westgarth, what did you expect?”, but in my defence I was hungry and foolish.

** Not even a beer that tastes vaguely of mud from a micro-brewery operated by two blokes from a shed in Brunswick.

*** It also had artificial grass out the back. Fuck that shit.

36 comments:

Alex said...

Much as I had to have the term "bogan" explained to me, I think I'm going to need help with "hipster" as well. The photo looks like some sort of performing arts troupe to me.

squib said...

I'm not even really sure what a hipster is

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Wikipedia notes "One commentator argues that "hipsterism fetishizes the authentic" elements of all of the "fringe movements of the postwar era—beat, hippie, punk, even grunge," and draws on the "cultural stores of every unmelted ethnicity", and "regurgitates it with a winking inauthenticity."

Hope this helps.

Alex said...

"hipsterism fetishizes the authentic" elements of all of the "fringe movements of the postwar era—beat, hippie, punk, even grunge," and draws on the "cultural stores of every unmelted ethnicity", and "regurgitates it with a winking inauthenticity."

That explanation sounds a bit like a fucknobism to me; as does much of that Wikipedia entry.

Years ago, I lived with a bloke whose favourite pastime was bitching about how crap the try-hards were who liked stuff that he himself had raved about months or years prior. It was like his whole purpose in life was to stay ahead of the curve when it came to fashion trends - seeing himself as some sort of cultural trailblazer, I guess. I had a lot of words to describe him, but hipster was not one of them. Is this the sort of thing you're talking about, though?

Melba said...

Does Desci still read this? How is Desci? Desci, how are you?

I hate hipsters too Ramon. You do hate them don't you? That's what you said, right?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Alex - that's as good a definition as any.

And oh no Melba, there's been an outbreak of hipsters down your way?

I thought we had them contained north of the river! I must let the Government's "Hipster Hotline" know.

Lewd Bob said...

They are rampant down our way Ramon.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That's very disturbing, Bob.

Happily where I live, any hipsters would be carrying their (non-ironic) teeth home in their (ironic) hat.

Desci said...

Melba, I'm still here, but very, very rarely have time to delve into the comments. O, for my uni life again.

INH, they already *have* a sign that says 'Warning! Hipsters Inside!' It's pasted on the road sign at the corners of Normanby and Plenty, and Normanby and St Georges. (And continues all the way to Fitzroy).

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks Dess.

Dang - I must have missed that one.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh and Desci - I'm sorry to hear about your accident some months ago, BTW.

I would have written something earlier but work considers your blog "flithy and depraved".

Or words to that effect.

Desci said...

This pleases me.

Also, get Google Reader, FFS. No blocks, no hassle.

Melba said...

The hipsters are far and wide, Ramon, don't think it's only you who suffers. As Bob said they are rampant down this way. Especially St Kilda East and Windsor.

Can I say, I especially hate the return of the 80s large Ray Ban spectacles? They suit a very small number of people (ie no one. Zero is small, geddit?)

Mr E Discharge said...

There are also major infestations in Belgrave and Yarraville.

Surely, someone in Government must be aware of this growing menace, certainly I wasn't. I had assumed that they were just Baby Hippies, I used to think they were "sooo cuute" and even occasionally feed them. Good God, I've even patted one!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Belgrave!!

Bugger me sideways with a stick!

The situation is getting out of hand.

squib said...

*sniff*

I got Wayfarers for my birthday

Lewd Bob said...

I wore wayfarers in 1986 Mitcham*. Of course, I was not being ironic, I really thought I was cool. But I also wore multi-coloured jumpers, acid wash jeans and pastel polo shirts. So, as you can imagine, I was not cool.

*Not quite Belgrave.

Pepsi said...

Hipsters. They are everywhere, their main hive here seems to be centred round the Oxford Art Factory. We go Hipster hunting through the streets of Newtown in the ute, its a favourite past time.

Melba said...

Sorry squib. As sunglasses or specs?

I've seen your pic, though, and I'm prepared to revise my statement:

.01% of the population looks good in them.

Actually I don't think the Wayfarers are the ones I'm talking about, Wayfarers are a little flattened and not so round. The ones I hate are the really big, round ones.

There's not much choice. Cats eyes, oblong newsreader, round Lennon/Potter ones. It's annoying.

Melba said...

PS Squib I sent you a card today!

squib said...

Lewd, well acid wash jeans were kind of cool

Melba, thanks. Yesterday I received a wonderful parcel from Kettle addressed to 'Rightful Ruler of All the Universes'

They are sunnies but they are smaller than the vintage Wayfarers. Mr.Squib has those and it took me a whole year to stop laughing at him. My picture? Oh no, but where?

Lewd Bob said...

acid wash jeans were kind of cool

Not the ones I had.

Mr E Discharge said...

To my generation Acid Wash is more of a neurological condition.

Melba said...

Oh squib, mine isn't clever at all, my card. Just a normal card saying THANKS AGAIN for the package.

And you picture was ON the letter your dog wrote. You've forgotten. At least I think it was you...

How embarrassment...

squib said...

That was my oldest girl, she would look glam in safety glasses

Have you got to the whole year 12 ball nightmare yet? I ordered a dress from Poland (as you do). It only just got here in time but it was too big so I managed to find a dressmaker to take it in. Finally got it back and she tried it on the other night and LittleSquib gave her a hug. LS had food on her lips and left a stain flat bang center. Fuuuuuck. In the process of trying to remove that stain, I created big water stains front and back... I've left it with the drycleaners who are not sure it will come out

Also, apparently you wear high heels to the ball but you carry a pair of ballet flats in your clutch bag to dance in

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I received a wonderful parcel from Kettle addressed to 'Rightful Ruler of All the Universes'

What did the rest of the Squib family make of that?

squib said...

They thought it was pretty normal

Lewd Bob said...

I have a package too - it waits me at the PO. Wonder what it be.

Melba said...

Jeez squib. About the dress. We aren't up to that yet but we do have Year 10 Social Night in a couple of weeks, so I'll let you know which dramas ensue.


I thought that was you for some reason but of course now I think of it, why would you have Little Squib and not Big Squib??? I feel like a dolt. I AM a dolt. I just assume everyone is so much younger than moi. You know, hip to the daddy-oh bloggers...

Kettle said...

Ah parcels, hurrah.

Your parcel is quite different to Squib's, Bob, although they're both interactive in their own ways.

By the way, I love sending parcels (I've got this thing with the post) so if anyone else would like something sent to them, let me know.

Lewd Bob said...

Oh my Kettle, you are too kind. Your request shall surely be met. A book AND a letter. A Letter! I haven't received a letter since 1978.

Thank you. And you have the additional privilege of receiving a couple of bonus tracks.

squib said...

bonus tracks? harrumph!

Kettle said...

Bob - thank you, thank you. You rock.

AND bonus tracks! Hurrah.

A book AND a letter. A Letter!

A letter written on an aerogram, now that's the best thing ever.

Anyone going to the Laneway Fest(s) this weekend?

Lewd Bob said...

Hey Kettle, you have Gmail.

eat my shorts said...

You know what, genuine hipsters don't bother me that much (they're few & far between around these parts), what really gets my goat is the faux hipster with an ironic ironic hairstyle/wardrobe.

Oh, that and duckface poses get my goat. There's a real fad of kids doing that ironically & I think it's just dumb.

shitbmxrider said...

Hipsters as far out as Pakenham, I am afraid Ramon.

Very low-rent hipsters, though.