Monday, June 20, 2011

There at it still

I told you there's no apostrophe in 'tacos', cunt

I'm quite aware that I, and perhaps others, have posted in the past about poor spelling, grammar and punctuation. But despite that, people of the world haven't, surprisingly, taken heed of my contempt. And I don't just refer to abbreviated text-speak, although that certainly doesn't help, but outrageous clunkers contained within long hand sentences, on shop signage and, most rampantly, in the comments columns of YouTube and newspapers, and Facebook 'walls'.

The following are some of the most common mistakes.

The Apostrophe

Of course, the classic bit of punctuation that is misused more than any other. People who place apostrophes in words that are simple plurals CAN GET FUCKED.

Just in the last few days I've seen avocado's, box's, apple's and spa's.


If you asked the writers of these abominations why they threw an apostrophe in, they wouldn't know. Well, of course they wouldn't know because there can't be a reason!

And of course then there's the missed apostrophe, such as Johns Diner, the misplaced apostrophe, such as childrens' clothes, and the downright confounding Im.

And despite it feeling a little like a possessive, there is no apostrophe in Its feet.


Check any thread of commentary on YouTube. 9 out of 10 times somebody writes any version of the above words, it's the wrong one. They just don't know. They probably don't care. Don't people realise they're means they are? If they do know that, why do they write "Hey, there wrong about that, and Im right!!!!!"

It's impossible to read that without initially misunderstanding it. Unless you're 90% of the population who thinks it's correct.

Multiple exclamation/question marks

One's enough!


Should have v should of

It's SHOULD HAVE! Enough said.

David Mitchell is quite likely one of the finest blokes around and he's much more witty and eloquent than me, so I'll let him take it from here:


eat my shorts said...

Fuckit. I can't even look at this right now. It's my first day back at school after a three week break.

All I can think of to say right now is, get the frick over the spelling and grammar because that should be the least of your worries about the next generation.

But that's just the first day back speaking. Once I'm a bit rested up I'll be back bitching about their grammatical shortcomings but saying what lovely little human beings they are. True say.

Sigh. (Plus! They smell!)

Lewd Bob said...

Smelly little bastards, eh. I'll never get over the spelling and grammar EMS, as perhaps you can tell, and I also think it's not limited to the next generation. I suspect people my own age are making many of those same mistakes.

Anonymous said...

Love those videos.

Bob, do you ever get grammar rage when you go shopping? The other day I was walking through the pet aisle, and noticed that 90% of cat-food spells cat with a "k".

Lewd Bob said...

Yes that's a whole other thing, Alex. It pisses me off now that I have a 5 year old who is learning to read. The English language is hard enough as it is (let's consider the myriad ways 'ough' can be pronounced: cough, through, though, plough, enough...) without these marketing fuckers coming up with words like Kit Kat, Weet-Bix, Playdoh etc.

patchouligirl said...

I'm guilty of the multiple question/exclamation mark when on facebook but I suppose that's excusable as it is another world in there. I've got a friend who uses the word "his" instead of "he's" which is misspelling on a new level I feel. My punishment is to not tell her.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I do like David Mitchell.

"But really.


You're French now, are you?"

WitchOne said...

I posted those on my Facebook, David Mitchell is one I like.

I consider the additional exclamation marks to be the hand movements and facial expressions you can't see. They're vital!!!!!


MG said...

On the subject of question marks, they are necessary but only one as you said. With exclamation marks I think even one is often too much.


Has your son started on the 'versing' thing yet, at 5 he might be a bit young. Give him a year or two though and you'll start hearing it. As in 'we versed the other school and won.' This particularly odious bastardisation is now widespread. I did relief teaching, I heard it in the west, I heard it in the south, and the inner east. I did not hear it at East Preston Islamic College.

Anonymous said...

MG, do you mean the South, East and West of Melbourne, or a wider area? Because I can tell you it happens as far North as Queensland.

Patchy, I don't think you're doing your friend any favours by not pointing that out to her.

Lewd Bob said...

Versed. Fuck. That sucks arse.

It's a little like verbing the noun 'medal', often used by sporting commentators:

"Ian Thorpe medalled 3 times* during the Sydney Olympics."

*example only, may not be historically accurate.

Mr E Discharge said...

"Ian Thorpe medalled 3 times* during the Sydney Olympics."

Silly language. Use a gerund with the same word, ie "having medalled", and becomes a perfectly cromulent phrase.

Anonymous said...

If I'd heard that, I would've assumed they meant, "Ian Thorpe meddled 3 times during the Sydney Olympics."

Which, I guess is the point of all this. When you step away from convention, it makes you a less effective communicator.