Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Happy New Beer!


As most of you lot will know, I'm a big fan of test cricket and over the past couple of weeks I've been following the New Zealand and Indian matches fairly closely.

Unfortunately, this also involves watching a lot of commercial television, an action normally on a level with inserting red hot needles into one's scrotum.

One ad that particularly irks me is for a health insurance company - whose name I can't be arsed finding out - which involves ordinary looking schlubs finding their "healthy selves", said "healthy selves" having a slightly manic healthy glow which I find deeply unsettling.

Oddly enough, both "normal" and "healthy" selves seem to be having an absolutely cracking time, with the punch line being that the company can help you find your "healthy self".

I don't think that's likely to happen to me.

Healthy Ramon: "Normal Ramon! It's me, Healthy Ramon!"

Normal Ramon: "Yes, and?"

Healthy Ramon: "I here to say that you too can have my healthy glow!"

Normal Ramon: "Oh?"

Healthy Ramon: "You just need to give up the booze!"

Normal Ramon: "Yes?"

Healthy Ramon: "And the fags!"

Normal Ramon: "Right."

Healthy Ramon: "And the fatty food!"




Normal Ramon: "Fuck off, you weirdo."

That's it for 2011 comrades and what a long, strange trip it's been.

See you on the flip side*.

* Whatever that may mean.


eat my shorts said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that my healthy self would be incredibly smug and someone would punch her out. Which, in the end isn't very healthy at all.

Happy New Year youse lot.

Kettle said...

Good lord those ads suck dogs balls. Frankly I think there's so little difference between the healthy and dying-of-private-health-insurance-neglect selves as to make the ads, you know, totally ineffective. And shit. Did I mention they suck dogs balls? And are shit?

On a more positive note, how awesome are holidays?

Also, Ramon, is the cricket living up to your expectations?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I know what you mean, EMS.

The "healthy selves" are so insufferable I can't imagine anyone putting up with them for more than 30 seconds, let alone embracing them tearfully.

And Kettle, the Melbourne Test is turning into an absolute rip-snorter!

Anonymous said...

I gave away the grog and greasy tucker some time ago and I've never been into durries. Does that mean I'm already my healthy self? If so, do I already sport a manic glow and a smugness that begs a good punching out? Troubling thoughts indeed.

Unfortunately, this also involves watching a lot of commercial television, an action normally on a
level with inserting red hot needles into one's scrotum.

I shall take your word for it. I, myself, cannot watch commercial television at home anymore. By the third viewing of most ads, the obscenities have grown so vigorous and foul that the neighbours are banging on the walls.

But speaking of beer, I see my local supermarket is selling some sort of non-alcoholic Cooper's now (all I need is for them to start selling non-alcoholic whiskey, too). Might be just the ticket if I end up attending another "worst movies of the year" party this year. Anyone got any suggestions on what we should watch?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Does that mean I'm already my healthy self?

I suspect so, Alex.

And it's been a bumper year for shit films.

What's your preference; shit rom-com, shit sci-fi or shit literary adaptation?

Anonymous said...

Ramon, given the audience, I would think the order of preference would be sci-fi > literary-adaptation > rom-com. Ultimately, the most important factor would be whether it could easily be ridiculed by a room full of half-pissed film geeks?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Alex, this might be a good place to start.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Ramon. After reading that and watching some trailers, Conan is definitely going in my top tier of suggestions. The lower tier may still have to be whittled down a little.

patchouligirl said...

I just don't find the portrayal of healthy self and unhealthy self obvious enough. I need to see morbidly obese self meet triathlete self to take much notice. Meanwhile I'm going to drink waaay too much tommorrow night. Happy New Year all!

Jamie said...

Happy New Year to all you TSFKA-ers. Here's a little news from the tail end of the year that almost was that may warm your black hearts, as it did mine:

Hardy's counsel, Walter Jeremy Sear, declined to comment until he "finished stroking his cat". It was not clear if this was intended as acreepy metaphor.

May your New Year's Eve befilled with mu h piss and very little vinegar.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What are you doing to me health insurance company whose name I can't be arsed finding out?!

Your ads aren't getting any better with age!

Melbourne Girl said...

Good idea Alex, my email is on my blog. I think.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't find it, Melba. You didn't take it down during that Facebook business a while back?

Mine's in my profile if you want to send it to me, rather than putting it up for public display.

Melbourne Girl said...

Maybe I did sending you email now