Friday, February 10, 2012

Shaggin' Wagon

...and so he turned to his mate and said, "Now we can all get some sleep."

But I digress.

So, back in November, my girlfriend Andromeda was invited to go camping for three nights by a friend of hers who I'll call Fat-Slapper. Mean, spiteful woman. Anyhoo, Andromeda said yes to the camping thing, even though it happened to be on her birthday weekend. I was a little annoyed because I wanted to take her out to a nice restuarant for her birthday (which I did, three days early) and also because I wasn't invited to the camping because Fat-Slapper doesn't like me and I don't like her. But on the eve of her birthday, Andromeda rang me from the camp-site and said, "I spoke to Fat-Slapper, and you can come tonight to our camp site, but with the following rules: You can only stay for one night, you can't stay in our tent - you have to stay in your car, and you and I can't have sex..."

I agreed to those rules, even though they were ludicrous, but in the end, I wanted to spend Andromeda's birthday with her, and she wanted me there. So I got to the campsite, and Fat-Slapper gave me evils for kissing Andromeda hello, and the whole night was awkward. So I got drunk. So did Andromeda.

At 2am, I went to bed in the back of my Subaru station wagon where I had shoved a mattress.

At 2.15am there was a knock at my window. It was Andromeda, looking for a birthday shag, and because I'm a gentleman, I obliged, but the things is, because I wasn't expecting sex that night (because of Fat-Slapper's rules), I wasn't armed with protection.

Back of the station wagon, metres from the beach, drunk, no condoms... you know how it goes.

Meet Perseus Jnr:

Due in August. As Lou Reed said in his song, 'Beginning Of A Great Adventure', "...It's the beginning of a great adventure."


Ramon Insertnamehere said...

My God Pers, that's wonderful.

Mazel tov!

I still get a kick every time The Boy calls me "Dad".

squib said...

Oh my, congratulations! Oh my! And what a darling wee thing s/he is already

Anonymous said...

Yes, congratulations. So this is either Perses or Gorgophone? I guess that giving up smoking is going to pay off in spades now.

And what kind of weirdo puts rules on grown people like that? Fat-Slapper sounds like a friggin' odd-ball.

Miche said...

Wonderful news Perseus. Congratulations to you both.

patchouligirl said...

Wow! From love gumby to family man in six months. I'm so happy for you. All the cliches are correct, it's the hardest/best thing you'll ever do and you'll never regret it. There's nothing like looking into your childs eyes. I can't wait for all the clucky posts.

patchouligirl said...

P.S. Start thinking about locks on all the cupboards and "out of reach" shelving for all your valuables now.

Kettle said...

Bloody hell that's awesome! Good for you guys (all three of you).

Cath said...

HOLY FUCK!! That is amazing and wonderful and awesome all rolled into one little Ultrasound Scan. How does this excitement fit in with the recent announcement to give up cigarettes? With my imminent delivery in 11 days for No 2 - it is all parts scary and wonderful and something you have wanted for a long time. Enjoy every single second.

Mr E said...

Wow, pQ, Just WOW.

You've Hit "paydirt" at last!

Minimum ten years* supply of what you've always sought. Unconditional Love. I envy you. Congratulations.


* puberty may or may not void. said...

Ha! Fantastic news, congrats to you and Andromeda... and what everybody else said, espcially Patch, cos that's pretty much what I was thinking.

Mr E said...

So this is either Perses or Gorgophone?

I hope it's not Gorgophone, those things are an absolute bitch to tune.

Puss In Boots said...

Holy crap dude! Congratulations!

Melbourne Girl said...

Congratulations, this is great.

I hate Fat Slapper. How dare she??

But... if she hadn't been so fascistic, would there have been a mini Perseus/Andromeda a-growing?

Melbourne Girl said...

Congratulations, this is great.

I hate Fat Slapper. How dare she??

But... if she hadn't been so fascistic, would there have been a mini Perseus/Andromeda a-growing?

eat my shorts said...

Naaww! That's fricking awesome. Congrats youse guys.

Puss In Boots said...

Oh, also "Due in August" - that's when all the cool people are born. ;p

RandomGit said...

Coolest conception story ever bro!


shitbmxrider said...

A bit late to the party, but fuck me! Congratulations Pers!