*National Party candidate holds safe National Party seat of Gippsland. Dennis confidentially predicts the triumphant return of The Rodent.
*Fat, smug self-promoter Les Twentyman fails to win safe Labor Party seat of Kororoit. Much rejoicing at Lenin House. Mrs Insertnamehere sums up Mr Twentyman as "a stupid dickhead".
*Return of Doctor Who. Kylie Minogue fails to sing and later falls to painful death. Further rejoicing at Lenin House.
* Cat described as "moody, depressed".