(Scene: A bar in Brunswick Streeet. Perseus (in a suit) and Suicide Girl (in glamour grunge) are drinking cocktails.)
(to be read in a strong, outback Aussie drawl)
"I grew up on a pig farm, that's just what I am, and I got expelled from a couple of schools and at 17 I was a rousabout, a jillaroo you see, I grew up on quarterhorses, and that's when I fucked me back up and got addicted to painkillers which ended me at rehab when I was 18, and I haven't touched a drug ever since, and I mean any drug, oh, except for pot, I have like two drags of a joint about once a year and that's it, but then I worked at the slaughterhouse for about a year, that was good money but it was tough, but I was tough because me step-father taught me to box, like, he used to make me put on the gloves and he knocked two of me teeth out and broke me nose but I learnt to fight and I'm grateful for it cos I've had to get into a couple of punchups at pubs, there was one bloke who was groping my arse and I said one more time mate, one more time I'm warning you cunt, oh I hope you don't mind me saying cunt cos I say it a lot, and anyway, he touched my arse again so I turned and punched him so hard in the face he didn't get up for about five minutes, but really, I'm a bit of a pacifist and turned into a bit of a hippy, I was such a hippy and so I'm this odd mix of pig farmer and hippy who does glamour-grunge pinup modelling and works in admin for a porn company but really you might think I'm a bit stupid and unsophisticated and wild but last week I just drank too much and I'm so sorry I'm just not a good drinker and I'm usually in bed by 9pm with a science or history book because that's all I'm into apart from death metal and you know I've been nervous all day about this date but I'm glad I'm here I like this bar I did a nude shoot on that couch and it's really nice here and how cute is that waitress? Don't you just want to fuck her, and speaking of which, how about we go back to my place now because I think I need to fuck you right now."
Honestly, I didn't know whether to propose marriage or run for my life.
Follow up date next weekend.
Oh, and she had vaginal piercing. That was weird. And oddly arousing.