Friday, March 12, 2010

No, I don't understand this either.

I returned a bag of groceries
Accidently taken off the shelf
Before the expiration date
I came back as a bag of groceries
Accidently taken off the shelf
Before the date stamped on myself

Did a large procession wave their
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?

Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want (now it's over)
Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do

I will never say the word
"Procrastinate" again; I'll never
See myself in the mirror with my eyes closed
I didn't apologize for
When I was eight and I made my younger brother
Have to be my personal slave

Did a large procession wave their
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?

Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want (now it's over)
Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do

(So) So I won't
(Sit) sit at home
(And) anymore
(And) and you won't
(And) see my head in
(And) the window
(And) and I won't
(And) be around
(And) ever anymore
(And) and I'll be up there on the wall at the store

I returned a bag of groceries
Accidently taken off the shelf
Before the expiration date
I came back as a bag of groceries
Accidently taken off the shelf
Before the date stamped on myself

Did a large procession wave their
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?

Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want (now it's over)
Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do

Now it's over I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want (now it's over)
Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do

32 comments:

WitchOne said...

I've felt like this!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You've felt like a a bag of groceries, Witchie?

WitchOne said...

Regularly.

Generally expired.

squib said...

You know what, that is almost depressing

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I must be doing something wrong Squib.

I actually thought this was quite uplifting.

Also - I return to an old topic.

squib said...

What if it slips while you're weeing? Then you're gonna have piss all over yourself

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I thought that piece must have been written by Puss, the author was so germophobic.

squib said...

Forget the germs, what about the carpet pythons?!

Kettle said...

I actually think that's quite uplifting.

But then, I've just spent the morning at Ikea so almost anything is uplifting after that (starting with the lift up to the carpark on leaving the store - boom tish).

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Kettle agrees with me, Squib.

Nyerr, nyerr, nyerr.

And Kettle, how on earth did you find your way out?

Puss In Boots said...

I defy even a triathlete to maintain a dry hover in that situation

Meh. It's not that difficult. I managed.

It wasn't written by me, and I don't own one of these things, but I am tempted to buy some now!

Kettle said...

It was a fluke, Ramon. I was looking for the magazine holders, turned a corner and found the cash registers instead. Not one to muck around I muttered a quick non-denominational prayer to the Gods of Ikea, threw my credit card at the salesperson and ran for the carpark.

Whenever I get out of Ikea alive I think just how lucky I am.

Puss, I'm pretty sure Ikea doesn't stop the urinelle, just in case you were wondering.

squib said...

Yeah but Ramon, Ikea is like Cormac McCarthy's The Road which makes a bullet to the head seem kind of uplifting

Kettle said...

Ooh 'The Road'! That was fun, Squib.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It was probably a damn sight more amusing that Ikea, I suspect.

squib said...

Ooh 'The Road'! That was fun, Squib.

I rest my case

Mr E Discharge said...

The only time I go Ikea is when I need more pencils.

Puss In Boots said...

The only time I go to Ikea is when I need more coathangers.

Alex said...

Somehow, I always seem to end up buying my coathangers from Bunnings.

Don't think I've ever been to an IKEA.

Puss In Boots said...

Count yourself lucky, Alex. I wish I'd never been to one either. But now I've bought coathangers from them, I can't stop. I need them all to match.

Alex said...

What are IKEA coathangers like?

My favourites are the really strong metal ones with the shoulder indents, for hanging singlets.

Perseus said...

I too have coathangers from Ikea, for the same reason Puss does. They must all match. I have the wooden ones with the black hooks.

Puss In Boots said...

I just have the plain wooden ones, without the pants hooks.

There is no way on this earth I would ever hang anything of mine on a metal hanger.

Alex said...

There is no way on this earth I would ever hang anything of mine on a metal hanger.

Why? Practical reasoning or eccentricity?

Puss In Boots said...

A little from column A, a little from column B.

Essentially, hanging your clothes on metal hangers can ruin them. They can transfer rust, and because they're so thin, they don't support your garments at the shoulders and stretch them out and distort them, and leave thin marks at the shoulders.

Of course, that depends on the sorts of materials your clothes are made of. I might hang a cheap cotton garment on a wire hanger, for instance, but I'd never hang anything silk on one.

Alex said...

Wow Puss, I never knew there was so much to know about hanging clothes. Guess I'm lucky that so much of my stuff is cheap rubbish, so I don't feel too bad about my negligence.

Puss In Boots said...

Oh! I didn't mean it to sound like that!

Alex said...

I didn't think you did. That last comment of mine was completely sincere and in no way intended as sarcasm. I didn't know there was such a difference in hangers and most of my clothes are cheap rubbish.

Also, I've been thinking about the pants hooks mentioned earlier. Did you guys mean clasps? I can't work out how you hang pants on hooks.

Puss In Boots said...

I meant clasps. Not sure what Pers meant.

You could also use plastic hangers, or fabric covered hangers. I just prefer the look of the wood ones. Plus, as I said, I need them all to match, so I'm stuck with the wood now!

Alex said...

I've got quite a few plastic hangers and I find they get brittle and need replacing every few years; I don't like the idea of fabric covered hangers, especially if the fabric never gets cleaned; I'm not a fan of the common flimsy wire hangers, either (except as a convenient source of wire). Wood seems like a good choice, Puss.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Happily enough, the fact that my suits are hung on cheap metal hangers is disguised by the beer and food stains and a faint covering of cigarette ash.

patchouligirl said...

I just had an image of Faye Dunaway screaming 'no wire hangers!' in Mommie Dearest. I went thru a phase of purging all the wire ones and buying wooden ones. Then we had a vintage wardrobe that was very shallow and I had to buy craft ones and cut them shorter. Then we went back to a regular wardrobe and the plastic ones crept in. I don't care anymore.