Sunday, March 14, 2010

Weekend Wrap

Friday Night

I had my Mum staying for all of last week and I dropped her back in Melbourne Friday afternoon. I then put on a 3 piece suit, nothing new there, and took myself to Zetta Florence in Brunswick Street to buy some stationery and presents. Then to Mario's in Brunswick Street for dinner (lasagne, garlic bread, two long macchiatos, three cigarettes). I then went to an art exhibition in the same street. It was a group exhibition but one of the artists is this bloke Sparky (who is dating Artemis) and he is a great artist and I'm positive he'll be famous so I'm collecting his work. I'm prepared to spend a fortune on him so he better get fucking famous. Top bloke, too.

Anyway, he had two works at this exhibition, and there was one I wanted (the one to the left). It was advertised to start at 6pm. I was there at 5.59pm. I walked in... both were already sold. They were pre-sold! Fuck it. The rest of the exhibition was meh and there was no air conditioning. It was 400 degrees in there. I was outside by 6:10pm. Sparky, Artemis and her sister Spud arrived. I said, "You're fucking art was already sold!" He apologised for not letting me know. He then offered to sell me a print on good paper. I said yes, but it's not the same. They asked me back into the exhibition, and for a big night of drinking. I said no. I was hot.

I got in my car. Rang Obtuse, cos it was her birthday, and I had a present for her. I offered to drop it in and she said, "No! Not now!". Righto then. I drove back to the Surf Coast. Popped in to see Surfer Joe at about 10.30pm at his restaurant. He said, "I have lots of drugs on me. Should we have a big night out?" "No," I said, "I'm going home."

Went home and read William S Burroughs. Sparky texted me asking me for my postal address so he could mail an invoice for the print. A print.


Cleaned the house top to bottom. Did eight or nine washing loads. Made nachos with enough melted cheese to feed Belgium. At 11pm, Surfer Joe called. "There's 100 hot women at the bar next door," he says. I picked him up and we walked to the bar. Yeah, hot, but of an indeterminate age between 17 and 19. So, not hot. They all dressed like $5 whores. What's with that? Surfer Joe slipped me an ecstacy pill and I took it. We stood about for a bit, then he decided he had to go see his girlfriend because she's ill. He didn't take a pill.

He dropped me at a birthday party up the hill, and left me there. Twenty five people there. Twenty two blokes, all stoned on grass. Three chicks, also stoned. They have a joint the size of John Holmes' cock. They offered me some but I haven't had cannabis since 1990. I drank a whole bottle of wine and talked rubbish to some guys. I went to the front yard to have a wee, then decided not to go back in. I walked home, downhill, took about half an hour.

I sat outside my house, drinking a cup of coffee, must have been three AM. I was approached by a young boy I know, a local boy, Backward Cap, who once, when he was on Ice, threatened to kill me. He has since apologised. Anyway, he had a German girl with him who I didn't know. He said, "This is Maria. Maria, this is Perseus... I have to go," and he ran away. She sat with me. She liked my kitten, Lord Byron. She said, "I am in Australia for two months. That boy with the backward cap wanted to have sex with me, and was a little upset with me because I wouldn't... but I never said I would. I am engaged. My fiancee is in Germany. I would never cheat on him." I offered her a coffee and she said no, but she took a cigarette. "I'm from the North of Germany," she said, "And my fiancee is from the East. Oh boy, our families weren't too happy at the start." Lord Byron jumped on to her lap. I said, "I'm going to bed," and she said, "Oh, really?" She didn't want to leave. I could tell she wanted to tell me her life story. I could tell she wanted to keep drinking. She looked like Sarah Jessica Parker. Like an anorexic stead. I picked up the cat, said goodnight and shut the door on her.

I read William S Burroughs. On the drugs, he makes even less sense.


Up at 9am, worked in the garden until 3pm. I'm no good at gardening. Everything dies. The weeds always win. But gee I love it. Listened to Jonathan Richman as I weeded, on shuffle. Then had to work for two hours. At 7pm, I had a steak that would feed three rugby players, and a steamer full of garlic beans. It's 8.45pm. Ponygirl is an hour away. Her bed is made and I have left out guest towels, soap and a present of a burnt Neutral Milk Hotel CD. She's staying for four nights, working for me again. I'm not going to write about it this time.


Anonymous said...

I'm not going to write about it this time.

I'll bet some people are going to be mighty disappointed about that one.

patchouligirl said...

I've found something better than nachos. You take a jar of old el paso nachos topping and mix it with a carton of sour cream. Spread it in a shallow baking dish, sprinkle with cheese and chuck it in the oven for 20 minutes. Serve it as a warm dip with corn chips on the side. It disappears at parties.

WitchOne said...

Ohh Pers, honey I'm tempted to arrive at your place one weekend and should you be home, inflict myself on you for a whole 24 hours.

No particular reason, just I think I could probably piss you off AND make you laugh at the same time.

Plus, it gets me away from my life for a minute and someone else cooks dinner.

Everyone wins.

Anonymous said...

Didn't you take an ecstasy pill in there somewhere?

It didn't seem to have made much difference to your afternoon. And you still didn't get laid.

Now not get laid when on ecstasy - well sir, I bow before your mastery of the ancient art of gumby-fu.

Also - how come Victorian accountants have such a wild life?

Anonymous said...

Boogeyman, doesn't ecstasy only get you laid if other people take it? Sort of like a roofie.

If you take ecstasy and nobody else does, then you're just an annoying cunt on ecstasy.

Anonymous said...

It just struck me that in the space of one night:

Perseus' mate who has lots of drugs gives him an E, he goes to a party where everyone is passing a joint the size of John Holmes' cock (I'm as big a fan of Media Watch as anyone, but even to me, this seems like an odd comparison to make) and goes home where he runs into a boy who once threatened to kill him on ice.

Yep, this is the town with no drug problem.

Anonymous said...

doesn't ecstasy only get you laid if other people take it?

I don't know. I never got laid on it*. Got heaps of hugs, though.

* Yes, yes, I realise that according to my own definition that makes me a love gumby too. I am the grasshopper to Perseus's sifu of gumby-fu.

Anonymous said...

The Steve Vizard and Peter Moon of romance.

Anonymous said...

I hope you're not suggesting I look like Peter Moon, because I am wayyyyy better looking.

Not that that helps none, mind you.

Anonymous said...

If Perseus is sifu, that would make you Steve Vizard. Not sure if that's any great improvement though, sorry.

Perseus said...

Patch: I make my own sauce. Extra chilli. Plus I don't use sour cream at all. Nachos is a very personal thing. I use chips, cheese, garlic, chilli, mushrooms, olives, spring onions, poppy seeds, sesame seeds plus my own sauce. And my own guacamale concoction.

Witch: You are quite welcome to spend 24 hours with me. I'll make the nachos. Just remember which side of Melbourne I'm on.

Boogey: Yes, I took the pill at about 11pm. It was a dud. One of those smacky ones that just made me a bit floaty and that was all. Sex was not on the wishlist. Besides which, even on a good pill, I find I'm more interested in cuddles and advanced groping, rather than actual rooting.

Alex: There's plenty of pot and pills in this town. The kid on ice got it from Melbourne... he actually arrived in town a couple of years ago as an ice addict, and has since gone clean. There is no ice or smack dealer in town. I still can't believe you're a woman. It blows my mind every time I think of it.

Anonymous said...

Perseus, If it helps, I could change my atavar and you could go back to thinking I'm not. It'd be just like old times.

Perseus said...

Maybe it's because you said you start every day with a steak. That's so... manly, or something. Aren't you supposed to have some fruit and light muesli? CONFORM TO YOUR GENDER STEREOTYPE!

Perseus said...

Oh, and John Holmes the porn star, not the Media Watch host.

That's not to say that journalist Holmes is deficient in penis size (it's just what I heard from some chick at the pub).

Anonymous said...

Muesli, bah. A hardy breakfast is important fuel for the day ahead. It also means that you don't have to have a big tea - which is wasted, since you're not doing anything except going to bed.

Yeah, there might be a slight chance that I'm not the girliest of girly girls, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Oh, THAT John Holmes. Right, gotcha.

Although, the more I think about it, the more I reckon journalist Holmes is probably hung too. It would explain that smug little sideways grin he's always got. Can't believe everything you hear in the pub, you know.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I hate gardening and avoid it where possible.

Although I do like listening to The Pogues when watering the herb garden.

patchouligirl said...

Mushrooms in nachos - erk. Anyway the idea is to turn it into a warm dip and get away from having soggy corn chips. It's the concept, not the ingredients that matter. One time I mixed refried beans with tomato salsa as the base. You can top it with avocado slices and shallots when it's done.

squib said...

Mushrooms in nachos. That is so, so, so wrong

wari lasi said...

Although I do like listening to The Pogues when watering the herb garden.

Oh my God Ramon, we may have ONE thing in common.

Just had a big TSFKA catch up. Pers, please post about PG's visit.
Lewd, I can't wait for your post based on the comments on that marathon thread.

I'm supposed to go to Thailand with the lovely Noy (we really are engaged, she's the most wonderful person I've ever met) for a visa trip on Wednesday. Not looking too good, and she's a Thaksin fan.

Me: "But he stole billions from the Thai people."

Noy: "That's only money honey, he did many good things for poor people in Thailand"

Keep writing Perseus. BTW, did I tell you Emma has an incredible fascination with Medusa? True. I said, "My internet friend cut her head off". Well, didn't that put the cat amongst the pigeons. "You know Perseus?" "Yep" "Wow, ask him where all the snakes went, or were they really just big nits"

Pepsi said...

Do you need a hug Pers?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Boogeyman would probably suggest a boot up the bum.

Oh, and Kitten?

Global warming is real and you're an idiot.

Mr E Discharge said...

Muesli, bah.

MMMmmmm...Muesli Bah!

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's because you said you start every day with a steak.

Is this some sort of Atkins thing? It certainly did him well.

Do you need a hug Pers?

Perseus needs (another) reality show - Seaside Goth Needs a Wife

Anonymous said...

I eat my main meal in the morning Boogey. Tea is light and easy. Usually fruit and maybe a can of salmon or something. I don't follow fad diets. Which makes me ask - what happened to Atkins?

Mr E Discharge said...

Atkins died of a heart attack while jogging in Central Park.

Final Score:

Atkins - 0
Bacon - 1

Anonymous said...

I would have thought the main problems with a big heavy meal first thing in the morning would be a) no time to prepare it, and b) you'd want to go to sleep afterwards.

But people have had various eating patterns for centuries. I myself like to start the day with some hard tack and dry ship's biscuit, and finish the day with my daily quart of rum.

Anonymous said...

a) Only seems to be a proplem if you don't get up early enough.
b) Is a new one on me. Do you really get that tired from eating, Boogey? Maybe it's the type of food you're eating. I don't know. I'm just having simple steak and veg.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you're just grilling up a quick steak to gnaw at in the car on the way to work. Which is fair enough. I was thinking the full-blown steak and mash potatoes and veges, gravy and peas, etc.

And I find it difficult to believe that I'm the only person that gets sleepy after a big meal. The whole male-slippers and comfy-armchair and just-put-anything-on-and-they'll-watch-it-crappy-evening-TV industries are built around that single physiological quirk of humans.

Also, ever see a lion wolf down a deer then say, "gosh, I'm going to put in an hour of jazz-aerobics at the gym, followed by a really productive day at the office. Today's the day I finally get that promotion!" Noooo, that tawny fat lion is going for a long snooze under a tree, dreaming "a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh."

Anonymous said...

Also, when that lion starts dreaming this, he swears off eating Italian deer ever again and gets himself an antacid.

Anonymous said...

Well no, I don't worry about mashing spuds or making gravy, or anything fancy. Veges are simply peeled, chopped and steamed. But like I said, you can't do it if you don't get up early enough to do it.

And yes, I get tired too if I eat a big meal at the end of the day, when I would normally be tired anyway. I imaging that running down a deer and killing it with my bare hands would similarly wear me out. If I eat a big meal at the start of the day, when I've just gotten up from a refreshing sleep, not so much.

patchouligirl said...

I don't know if I could go steak and veg for breakfast after all these years of toast, cereal or eggs.

I get sleepiest after lunch. I reckon the Germans are onto an idea making lunch the big meal of the day but I probably wouldn't recover from it to do anything in the afternoons. I was very impressed with the practicality of it all, breakfast was rolls, jams, cheeses and cold meats and lunch was a hot meal (the kids start and finish school early to accommodate this). Dinner is just a supper, a repeat of breakfast with maybe the addition of a cup of veg soup which I thought was brilliantly easy.

RandomGit said...

That really is an awesome piece of work as well Perseus. Shame you couldn't get a swipe at it.

Puss In Boots said...

I can barely stomach porridge in the morning, let alone a steak and vegetables. Ugh. Just the thought of eating so much so early is making me feel ill. And I already get up at 5.45am. There is no way I'm getting up any earlier just to eat a steak for breakfast.

Also, I think Boogey is right. I have read in countless sources how eating a big meal makes you sleepy. That's why nutritionists recommend eating smaller meals at more frequent intervals.

Anonymous said...

I don't know Puss. Is that really THE reason why nutritionists recommend eating small portions frequently? Just because large portions make you sleepy? Nothing else? I don't know, you may be right (I don't keep up). It just sounds a bit weak to me.

Puss In Boots said...

Oh, of course it's not the only reason, but it's one of the major reasons. The reason it sounds weak is because being sleepy is just a symptom, and not actually the reason you shouldn't eat large meals.

Essentially, eating large meals, especially those full of sugar and gluten, causes blood sugar to rise, which causes your pancreas to release large amounts of insulin, which drives tryptophan (protein building block) from your bloodstream into your brain, where it is converted to serotonin, which makes you feel sleepy.

So basically, feeling sleepy is a symptom of the reason nutritionists tell you not to eat big meals. Of course, if you were to sit down and eat an entire plate of spinach, you might not feel sleepy at all. But there are probably digestive reasons this isn't a good idea either.

Anonymous said...

That sounds more convincing, Puss. If sugar and gluten are the main culprits though, I guess that explains why my simple meat and veg breaky isn't sending me straight back to bed.

I understand that some people have trouble facing food first thing in the morning, but if all I have is a bowl of cereal, my stomach's complaining by 9AM. A big breakfast, on the other hand, can take me right through till tea - unhealthy as that may be.

Melba said...

I bet Perseus is loving the fact you say "tea" Alex.

Anonymous said...

Melba, you've been awfully quiet lately? Truth be told, I've sort of missed you a bit.

Perseus doesn't like "tea"? I must've missed that one.

Melba said...

Awww shucks Alex. That's nice, thank you. I have been quiet, not too much to say. What's wrong with me? I've been reading though.

And no, Perseus LOVES the use of "tea" for dinner and he was going to single-handedly try to bring it back.

You are helping him in his mission.

Anonymous said...

I think one of the last things I read from you was a comment about having a really shitty time. I may have been a smidge concerned. Y'know, not that I'm getting sentimental or anything.

As for Perseus, I'm happy to be of assistance. Perhaps he might return the favour and join my endevour to get rid of the one finger salute and bring back the old two finger version in its stead.

Puss In Boots said...

Alex, the same thing would happen if you were to eat a huge bowl of cooked carrots, because they have a high GI. It's not so much whether they're carbs/sugar, but more about how quickly they affect your blood sugar level. It's just that high sugar/gluten tends to be high GI.

But yes, I suspect steak and green vegetables is fairly low GI. I still couldn't eat it for breakfast though.

Anonymous said...

But yes, I suspect steak and green vegetables is fairly low GI.

Somewhat shamefully, I have to admit to knowing very, very little about the specifics of nutrition. There has to be some reason why I'm not feeling any ill effects from it, though.