Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Valuable lessons life has taught me. Part one.

If you’re going to be playing a round of mini-golf later in the day with your son, don’t drink heavily beforehand because if you get a fit of the staggers and fall into the shrubbery near the 13th hole – you’ll look like a bit of a goose.

On the brighter side, it improved my golf game no end!

I even shot a hole-in-one on the last hole.

38 comments:

Melba said...

Oh Ramon, what are you doing getting tanked like that? You didn't drive to mini golf did you?

Heh.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm a firm believer in responsible alcoholism Melbs, so of course we caught the tram.

squib said...

I even shot a hole-in-one on the last hole

Falling into a shrub doesn't count, Ramon

Melba said...

I was hoping you'd see my pun, Ramon. I knew you wouldn't have driven.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

My mind - such as it is - is elsewhere, Melbs.

Melba said...

I hope you are ok.

And by the way. Where is PerseusQ? And BOB???

Does anyone know?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Pers announced last week he was re-starting his book blog.

Since then - nuthin'.

He's probably getting some hot flotilla action.

catlick said...

Ramon your son's family life sounds idyllic. In the interest of science could you have another and treat it like a bastard so we can finally settle the "Nature v Nurture" debate?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Catlick, I haven't had the heart to tell The Boy that his "good friend Kevin07"* no longer has the top job.

* His words, not mine

catlick said...

I'm sure Perseus could weave a dark metaphoric narrative, but perhaps you could spin it as Kruddy "sharing" his toys, a good role model for us all.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Perseus is too busy with his flotilla.

squib said...

Would that be a flotilla of canoes?

Leilani said...

Ah mini golf - I must add it to the to do list for these holidays.

Jamie said...

But did you beat The Boy's brains out on the mini-golf course?

Kettle said...

"...don't drink heavily beforehand because if you get a fit of the...

...giggles. I thought for a split second you were going to say 'giggles'.

But that's probably because I've been drinking and everything's just that little bit funny to me (but my kid's in bed and I know to leave the shrubbery well enough alone).

eat my shorts said...

I want ... a shrubbery.

Or, a pint of lager.

Hey, guess what you guys? I gots me a job! At what appears to be an awesome school. Christ, I hope it lives up to its Ofsted report.

I can keep a roof over my head & food in my mouth & beer at my side (and then in my mouth too, but I didn't want to say two things in my mouth because that would be greedy, but ... you get the idea. I'll stop now. It's just the celebratory champagne making me babble.)

P.S. I think I really like my new colleagues. They swear a lot (not in front of the kidlets, obvs) and give each other shit all the time. I think I'll fit right in.

Melba said...

And you get those nice hot school lunches too, don't you EMS? Pudding. Mmmmmm.

Congrats!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Congrats, EMS.

Don't fuck it up.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Does anybody know how to get rid of these dick-biscuits?

Kettle said...

Congrats EMS! Big kiddies or little ones?

Alex said...

Your choice of words there gave me a right chuckle, Ramon. I've not heard the like in quite some time. Unfortunately, I don't think Blogger gives you a lot of options when it comes to dealing with this sort of thing. You can enable word verification, but that's pretty annoying and probably not that effective, anyway. I guess it's just luck that, for the moment, it's a trickle rather than a flood.

eat my shorts said...

Melba: Indeed, had a sample yesterday, but there was no pudding. It's a bit too hot for pudding (no, really).

Ramon: Cheers, comrade. I'll try me best.

Kettle: Ta! Big kiddies, I've got Years 7-10 English. Can't wait to get stuck into it. I had to do a lesson (observed by the faculty head & school deputy head) as part of the interview, which was incredibly stressful, but it all went well, thank christ.

"Dick-biscuits": Ramon, that's priceless. Can't wait to work it into my everyday vocabulary & make full use of it before I have to go back to work.

Alex said...

Is British pudding like Australian pudding, or is it more like the runny stuff that the yanks eat?

eat my shorts said...

They have both kinds here. You're more likely to get the runny kind for school dinners though.

I did have an awesome trifle from Morrisons a little while ago. Apparently Tesco's & Sainsbury's do a similar one, but it's not as good as the Morrisons one. 'Cause Morrisions is all fancy & shit. But not as fancy as Waitrose's. Or is it the other way around?

I have no idea, being too poor to frequent either Morrisons or Waitrose's, but I plan on amending that when I get paid. I'ma gonna get me some fancy supermarket trifle.

Kettle said...

Ooh ooh EMS! I have many teaching-related questions for you. Will email over the weekend.

Melba said...

When I taught in the East End, I remember the pudding being like a treacly cake thing and you'd put hot custard over it.

Mmmmmm.

Alex said...

Hmmm, it must have been more than ten years since I've had trifle. Come to think of it, I probably haven't had pudding in five. It's funny how you can sort of miss things that you were never really that into if you go long enough without them. Nostalgia at work, I guess.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I probably haven't had pudding in five

I find that hard to believe, Alex.

Alex said...

Can't imagine five years without pudding, Ramon? I shan't mention how long I've been without alcohol, then.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I think that's for the best, Alex.

Puss In Boots said...

I think I should give up pudding for 5 years, the amount of food I just ate!

I took my assistant to lunch at Aria to celebrate EOFY, and had the duck consomme for entree, barramundi with baby fennel and truffle mash for main, and banoffee for dessert. I also found a wine I liked, which tasted like granny smith apples (2009 Frogmore Creek FGR). Since I don't drink, after 3 glasses of the stuff, I am feeling extremely cheery!

But also very ill after so much food. I look pregnant.

Alex said...

Obviously I'm not into wine, but I reckon granny smiths are great. Best apples going, in my opinion.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I look pregnant.

Maybe you are.

Puss In Boots said...

Trust me, Ramon, it's just a food baby.

Alex, I don't generally like wine either. In fact, there are only two wines I have ever found palatable. One is a late harvest Yering Station Pinot Gris, and the other was the one today. Generally, I find wine tastes awful, and refuse to drink it.

Alex said...

Oh dear, that reminds me; I've got an old drinking buddy (one of about two that I still keep in touch with) coming to visit this weekend. I imagine that once the bullshit starts flowing freely, the temptation will become considerable. If nobody hears from me next week, I've probably been arrested again.

Puss In Boots said...

Should we send a rescue team, Alex?

Alex said...

What, to spring me from the clink, Puss? Hopefully, if I've got any strength of will at all, it shouldn't come to that.

eat my shorts said...

Melba, I know I should say: "I hope I get treacly pudding with hot custard" for my school dinners, but to be honest, I reckon I can make better (and cheaper) at home.

It really depends on how much the school funds stretch. If they're skint, then I'll supply my own pudding! Nothing worse than sub-par pudding. I think Ofsted should also rate the standard of pudding at the schools they inspect. Pudding is important to one's education.

Questions about teaching, Kettle? I'll do me best.

I've been having much trouble with my usual favourite drink, white wine. I just can't drink it right now. No idea why, it just doesn't go down well. Luckily I don't have the same problem with beer, so that's good news. Also, I've very recently discovered the joys of pear cider (preferably with lots of ice while watching the World Cup on a massive tv screen and lounging outside in the heat on the banks of the Thames).