Tuesday, May 10, 2011

"I want the finest wines available to humanity, I want them here, and I want them now!"

"Maybe we should order something over dessert?"

One of the more annoying items in the Saturday Age of late is an unbearably cutsie piece called “The Good Life, lunch with…”, whereby a journalist I vaguely recall interviews some luvvie with nothing much to say at a restaurant I can’t afford.

Inevitably in the article, there’s some twee line about how the journo and guest decide “to be incredibly naughty and order a second glass of wine”.

A second glass of wine?!

Sweet Jesus!

If I was lunching on the Fairfax expense account, I’d be half way through the second bottle of red* before entrée was over.

In the unlikely event I ever feature in “The Good Life, lunch with…”, the piece would run something like this.

“I met the enigmatic blogger Ramon Insertnamehere in the beer garden of his local, where he was wreathed in smiles and cigarette smoke.

“I ordered the salad and Ramon ordered a roast chicken larger than his head.”

You get the general idea.

*But only the second most expensive bottle. I’m not a complete monster.

6 comments:

squib said...

Aye, show me the Glenfiddich Rare Collection

Lewd Bob said...

Sometimes they use 'cheeky' instead of 'naughty'.

Fuckers.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Bob,

Any journalist who uses the words "cheeky", "naughty" "impish" or "winsome" deserves nothing but scorn.

And a swift kick to the goolies.

Alex said...

Ramon, it surprises me that you read enough of these to start seeing patterns.

Brendan O'Reilly said...

Yes, that item shits me too. And they publish the bill - how tasteless. Most Saturday's I can't even be bothered openign that part of the paper anymore. Thank Gutenberg for books!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Publishing the bill is a bit gauche, I agree.

That said, I notice Tex Perkins managed to run up a bill of $500.

Well played, that man.