Monday, May 23, 2011

Weekend Wrap

Haven't done one of these for a while, and there's good reason for it. You see, I had to stop blogging, because, well, I had nothing to say about anything important, or if I did have something to say about something important, what I had to say wasn't important. In the absence of brevity of thought, I resorted to blogging about my girl problems which I tried to tell myself was cathartic, but really, it wasn't. It was tabloid blogging at its worst, attention-seeking trash, but when I hit the 200+ comments mark on some of my more outlandish weekend wraps I kept at it; letting you all into my ludicrous bachelor life and the stupid situations I got myself into.

I can't remember exactly which blog it was, but at one point, when bemoaning my latest dalliance with the 3-year-long on-again off-again Ponygirl, some bloggers here decided to barrage me with insults and humiliations. "Pathetic loser" was the general tone of the comments, which I took to heart, because I didn't feel like a pathetic loser at all. In fact, I felt good about myself, even though things weren't going as I planned or wanted. And so to avoid further insults, I stopped blogging about it.

But, it's been about six months so I thought I'd update you on my girl-situation.

PONYGIRL: Haven't spoken to her since October and she can get fucked and I loathe her. There was an incident... I was thoroughly depressed for about 3 months.

SONGSTRESS: Became a good friend, somewhere in amidst all that. We catch up monthly, and talk weekly. She's now dating another somewhat-rockstar who some of you will know (well, you might know the band if you're JJJ inclined, but he's not the singer).

PONYGIRL II: You don't know her, but she's a girl who happens to have the same name as Ponygirl. She picked me up at a gig. She's 20, and was my lover for two months (Dec-Jan) and because of the 21-year age gap there was no way on Earth I was going to blog about it, because you were all going to yell at me.

MISS MIRROR-ME: You don't know her either, but she's a 30 year old who listens to 774, likes footy, drinks coffee and red wine, smokes cigarettes, reads literature and poetry, wants babies one day and has no interest in back-packing, ie: a mirror of me. We went on four dates and it just fizzled. I was a little upset, but then, even though we had heaps in common, for some reason, our conversation was always awkward, so it didn't really matter. She was into astrology anyway, which I think is a sign of retardation, and according to her sister, I apparently wasn't 'blokey' enough for her. Still, she was a nice girl, and we occasionally chat.


Stranger things have happened but I can't name one. It was early March and I had to head to Melbourne for 5 days and needed a house-sitter. I asked around town and someone said, "Oh, Legs 11 is back from Canada and is staying in a hotel room for a couple of weeks before moving into a house. You should ask her!" Now, Legs 11 was a girl I knew from around town a couple of years ago. She lived in my town for a year. I always referred to her as 'that cute chick with the great legs", but I never spoke to her beyond "Hi there". After a year of ogling her, I decided to ask her on a date, but just as I was about to do that, I heard that she had quit her job and was moving to Canada, so I gave up on that.

A year later, and suddenly she's back! And so, I asked her if she could house-sit for a week and she was keen. She came around to check out the house so I could run her through how to feed the cats and play a DVD and all that. I offered her a wine. We drank two bottles. Then we got on to the port. At 1am we went skinny-dipping, and, well, aside from a bit of status confusion in the first few weeks, we've been an 'item' ever since. Yes indeed, strangely enough, and at the expense of entertaining blogging, I appear to have a girlfriend. It sunk in over the weekend when I realised we keep toiletries and pyjamas at each other's house.

Legs 11 is 29, likes kayaking and gossip mags, doesn't smoke, hates footy, watches Glee, wants to get married in a Catholic Church, wants to climb Everest, can't cook and listens to Lady Gaga and other pop acts. We have NOTHING in common.

But wait, that's wrong. We do have a lot in common. You see, the advice nobody ever gave me was this: Having social, religious, political or artistic things in common means nothing. What matters is having emotional, moral and temperamental things in common. On that, we appear to be perfectly aligned. Hell, even our sleeping patterns are aligned. We both had happy childhoods. It's these intangibles that make it so perfect, for now. So much so, that her blog-name has been promoted from Legs 11 to Andromeda 4.0 (Andromeda for short). Wish me luck.

In other news, GO TIGES!


Lewd Bob said...

Having social, religious, political or artistic things in common means nothing

I told you that in 1985.

Perseus said...

Yes, but only to put me off the marking contest. I wasn't listening, and you didn't know if it was true or not.

Lewd Bob said...

From memory I took the mark, you tried to put me off by yelling something trite like "the best relationships are rooted in friendship" and I banged through a goal.

Perseus said...

Yes, but being that we were on the same team, I guess it didn't really matter who kicked it. Then again, team-spirit was never our thing.

squib said...

I didn't think you were pathetic, Persey and I'm so glad you've updated us because it was a bit like that time I was reading The Scarlet Pimpernel and I was on page 216 and it was a cliff-hanging moment (literally, I mean they were on a cliff) and there were 33 pages missing although in that situation of course you go to Gutenberg and print off the missing pages and then you write a letter of complaint to Random House

Well I do wish you all the luck in the world although I am a little concerned about the gossip mags and Lady Gaga

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Go Pers!

Perseus said...

Thanks Squib. The gossip mags don't bother me. When we have our morning coffee, she reads NW and I read Beetrand Russell's 'History of Western Philosophy'. We occasionally hold hands. Point is, she's happy to sit there and read, and not tell me why she wants to die (Androneda 3.0), not tell me who she had sex with all last week (Ponygirl) or yell at me for reading Bertrand Russell because he's part of the western patriarchal hegemony and in doing so I'm supporting the rape of women in World War 1(Andromeda 2.0). No, Andromeda sits there reading NW and says, "Another coffee?".

The Lady Gaga thing is a bit tough to handle, but hey, compromise is my new thing. Oh, the legs.

squib said...

When you put it like that, I guess Gaga is a small price to pay

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I've often thought the test of a good relationship is whether the two of you can sit together in silence for an extended period.

Anonymous said...

Good luck, Perseus.

It would be nice to hear your thought on a regular basis again. From what I've seen of blogs, I don't think it's that important to have anything overly profound to say; but yeah, you shouldn't feel compelled to talk about personal stuff, either. Especially if having people on the internet (including strangers) pick over the details, isn't making you feel better about it (To be fair, you were kinda courting the "lovable loser" image, right?). For my money, your "Captain Kneejerk" stuff was your best material, anyway.

patchouligirl said...

Yes good luck. If I had to say what the most important ingredients to a harmonious relationship are I would actually have said a couple that weren't mentioned i.e. sharing values and principles (helpful once you have kids), having common goals (and if you are different it only means you can departmentalize skills to arrive at a common destination) and who controls the TV remote in the relationship.

eat my shorts said...

Having social, religious, political or artistic things in common means nothing. What matters is having emotional, moral and temperamental things in common

Amen to that.

Good to hear all is well in Perseus-land. Don't be a stranger.

So ... blogging is supposed to be profound? I knew I was doing it wrong.

RandomGit said...

I reckon everyone who gave you shit that wasn't just friendly jibes had the wrong end of the stick.

Weird how different interests seem to keep couples together. I think its because you keep being fascinated by the things you both get up to in the long term.

You can easily take a break from each other as well. said...

Best of luck Pers!

That is all.

shitbmxrider said...


Glad to read its all coming good so far.

Perseus said...

No proper internet for a week... belated 'thanks guys'!

WitchOne said...

WOOHOO!! You found a female Velvet! (Velvet being my beloved)

I've visited here only rarely since you left purely because I've missed your style. So glad you're happy, ecstatic I'm not the only one with a great partner on opposite sides of, you know, everything yet somehow so perfect it's insane.

Ain't life grand?

For the record, anyone who gave you serious shit as opposed to light hearted teasing which was possibly taken too seriously, wasn't a lover anyway and so no great loss.

How is everyone?? I've been flat out living the complete fucktard life but things are looking up if you overlook terminal cancer, emphysema and dementia (in my nearest and dearest not me). I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm back at the gym! YAY!

Mr E Discharge said...

So nice to see you back, Witchy. You have been missed.

Mr E Discharge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WitchOne said...

Hey Mr E, how're things? What have I missed during my self imposed exile? Is everyone still around? Wari would be married by now and living the life (he hasn't been on FB lately that I can see). Is Puss married yet? Is EMS still overseas? I see Lewd is still ranting, I have missed that.

Gosh it's been such a long time..

Anonymous said...

Good to hear from you again, Witchy. Sounds like you've been having your share of ups and downs.

WitchOne said...

Hey Alex, it's been interesting to say the least. How are things with you? Pleased tell me you're still a girl! :-)

Anonymous said...

Yes, Witchy, no change there. Though, with this whole Amina al Omari scandal, I wouldn't be surprised if people started demanding proof.

I've had some family drama of my own (large family - always drama) and there's still a lot to be done since the floods; but my situation is good.

I don't think there's been too much chatter from Puss or Wari lately, so I don't know what's happening with them.

How did your job interview go?

WitchOne said...

I know the feeling Alex, with terminal illnesses the current norm everyone is trying to plan the funerals in advance. A bit tacky if you ask me.

Hope your family is at the very least physically healthy if not emotionally or mentally.

Got the job, back in the dreaded profession. Also applied for and got in, My Kitchen Rules. Did it for a lark, shocked to find we're in but the children pose a problem. It's doubtful they'd last 4 months locked in Tupperware so we had to regretfully decline.

Such is life.

Anonymous said...

Witchy, one of my cousins (30s), was in the process of nursing her father through terminal cancer when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer of her own -- and given less time than him. That was a big kick in the twat. Upset me quite a bit.

everyone is trying to plan the funerals in advance. A bit tacky if you ask me.

I guess. But, on the other hand, I understand why people would want to. The thought of saving someone else the hassle of organising my funeral is appealing to me. I've even considered doing my own joke-laden video eulogy, but don't know if it would lighten the mood or upset people.

Congrats on the job. Don't really know what "My Kitchen Rules" is (guessing reality game-show thing?) but I'm sorry to hear you had to turn it down. I assume there would have been prizes or something?

Puss In Boots said...

Sorry I went Awol. So much on! No, not married yet. 12 weeks to go! I also have a new job, so good luck with your hunt, Witchy!

Puss In Boots said...

Oops, my reading comprehension could do with some improvement. I see you got the job, so congrats!

Anonymous said...

Glad you're back, Puss. Looking forward to the big wedding roundup. Congrats on your new job, too.

WitchOne said...

Good for you Puss! Definitely need a wedding catch up, so post it, now! (please?)

Ouch Alex, that would be a nasty shock indeed. In my case it's the rello's trying to plan the funeral within 2 weeks of the terminal diagnosis, without warning the dying person. "Surprise, here we are at the crematorium to make some serious decisions".

That's what I meant by tacky.

The tv show, meh, such is life. Another months without "seeing" you guys? Too much!!