Monday, November 24, 2008

Who Owns the 00s? Britney or bin Laden?

I've been invited to a '60's' themed party. The costume is no problem, nor I imagine will be the decor for the hosts. We all know the several variations of 60's 'looks' that we can use at a themed party, and the same goes for 50's, 70's and 80's parties. The 90's-themed parties are still a bit vague for the moment, perhaps because not enough time has passed for society and capital C Culture to decide what the hell the 90's looked like.

The 00's are even more an unknown. In forty years times when people are invited to 'noughty' parties, what are they going to wear, and how will the house be decorated?

What are the defining images of our current decade that can translate into decor and costuming? I have a few ideas to get started:

* Osama bin Laden costumes. Not joking either. You can hardly dress up as the Twin Towers, so this is the next best idea. It'll be the 2050 equivalent of dressing up as a Nazi now.

* Twin Tower cakes.

* I-Pods, which will no doubt by then be totally obsolete and a thing of the past because we'll probably have MP9 players in our earlobes or something. The party guests of the future will make I-Pods out of poly-styrene and paint them.

* Halogen downlights. Are they everywhere or what? Every shop and house built since 2000 has fucking halogen downlights in them. Little fucking bastards. Yeah, it's a nice light, but you have to focus them and move them about and shit and there's always dark bits.

* Zen-inspired front gardens with water features, bark and pebbles. Prevalent in all new estates.

* No undies for the girls, a la Lindsay, Britney and Paris. Must alight awkwardly from a car, or, as an alternative...

* Naked. Cos, you know, porn is everywhere.

That's all I've got. I don't understand fashion so I don't understand what look is going to be the 'flairs' of the 00's. All I see on the streets is a mish-mash of the five preceeding decades' fashion and I can't for the life of me see what's now .

Usually you can rely on the movies to capture the looks, but movies set in the present seem to be rarer and rarer, or if they exist at all, they focus in on the oddballs and zanies that don't represent nuffin'.

Any ideas?


Perseus said...

Oh, already thought of one. Guys who have their pants halfway down their legs like retards. PULL YOUR PANTS UP!

Boogeyman said...

Easy, PQ. Think of what the young men and women wear.

Hipsters. Pink or lemon yellow t-shirts. Oversized sunnies (ala Corey Worthington). Weird mixtures of funky op-shop pieces and grungy jeans or flannies. Fashion for the sake of fashion, studiously put together to give the impression of a casual indifference to fashion. Converse trainers or sneakers.

Basically take a walk through any young person's clothing store, pull out a few pieces at random, and walk out knowing you look like a complete dick now, but in 40 years it'll look even dickier.

Oh, and the 90s was grunge (flannies, torn jeans and rainers), rapper chic (pricey bomber jackets, balloon pants and bling) or dance party gear (loose dance pants, funky little hats, etc)

Alex said...

Thinking about the fact that I'm going to have to die one day is something I usually find a bit depressing. But when you frame it like this, the thought becomes almost comforting.

Aesophia said...

'Fashion' today seems ot be a weird mish-mash of 80s (fluorescent colours and eye torturing patterns with clashing combinations thereof) and emo - because emotional is clearly too long a word to use and still be seen as 'cool'. Either ever high- or incredibly low-waisted, skin tight pants are back in - for guys and girls. Conversely, as Pers has already noted, skin tight or otherwise, for the guys, 'the more you can see of my boxers/undies, the cooler I am' is also considered the height (hur hur) of fashion. And for some strange reason, oversized baseball caps with completely flat brims.

Ooh! There's a 90's thing for you Pers, baseball caps with the brim as curved as you can make it, without actually folding it in half.

I've also noticed that leggings appear to be making a comeback. They were bad enough in the 80s. I saw a girl walking down the street the other day in black leggings that were made of that 'wet-look' lycra *shudder*. However the worst 'I'm wearing leggings and therefore am the epitome of cool' outfit I've seen was out at the Night Cat in Fitzroy where I saw a girl wearing an oversized t-shirt of a browinish hue, coupled with black leggings of the kind I wear when doing pilates. She had accessorised with a handbag with a very long strap, so the bag hung halfway down her thigh and ballet flats. Her hair looked like it had been done two days ago and slept in every night since. The very worst thing about this entire ensemble was the fact that she'd TUCKED THE T-SHIRT INTO HER LEGGINGS. I didn't know whether to laugh nervously or simply shudder when I saw this. Thinking about it now, I'm really still not sure.

And I think we're forgetting about piercings here. Lots of them. Preferably most of them on your face (the lip seems to be particularly popular at the moment), with a genital piercing to impress the lads/ladies (depending on your target market) - even if you don't have one, you tell people you do.

I also think, as far as the famous-for-nothings like Lohan*, Hilton, Spears, etc., go go the brazillian wax, mother nature has no idea of where you should have hair, therefore, wax off the lot. And I do mean everywhere. Which would of course mean wearing a dress/skirt so short it really should be classified as a belt, a silver or gold g-string bikini - on its own**, or nothing, as all three ladies have been noted to do. Just so you can show off your new 'do.

*Apparently she's up the duff - I thought she decided she was a lesbian, what happened there (skipping the birds & bees talk - I already got that bit)?
**I'm not including expensive, large and pointless jewellery here of course. Accessorise at your own risk***.
***This would also provide a good chance to show off that genital piercing too.

catlick said...

Flat long straight hair and the asymmetrical part were signatures of this decade. Weird facial hair; that bit under the lip? What was that? Yes, low slung jeans, with a big belt and the thong!... and Prison Pants. Culturally appropriated tattoos, absence of body hair, (no that will just continue...) To borrow somewhat from Stuff White People Like, people might go as concepts and definitions, in groups.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The "Texan Pirate Goth" look never goes out of style.

Perseus said...

I don't know that Texan Pirate Goth is ever in fashion, but it's never completely out either.

My Mum has been wearing tartan skirts since year dot. She reckons about every 7 or 8 years, teenagers come up to her and ask where she got it from. They are shocked to hear the answer as 'Fletcher Jones'.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

"She has now gone from this unhappy planet,

With all the carnivores and destructors upon it".

squib said...

I remember wearing a tartan skirt to a kid's disco (maybe a Blue Light one?) with my cousin. I think it was in Apollo Bay. And I think I had novelty earrings because they were in. But I remember tartan was BIG right then and I thought I was the bee's knees

Halogen lights? I'm a bit wary about them. Aren't they carcinogenic or something?

WitchOne said...

In whitetrashville the height of fashion is skin tight low slung jeans with a top that bares the midriff or tracksuit pants (loose) and a t-shirt (tight)*.

*actually, swap the trackies for fitted and that's my uniform! Damn it!!

WitchOne said...

Ooooh,maternity tops are all the rage at the moment, who wants to look pregnant unless they are for gods sake??!!

Boogeyman said...

Weren't tartan skirts and docs a must-have fashion item in the mid 90s for just out of school girls who woanted to look a little edgy, but backed away from the full skinhead chick look?

squib said...

Well yeah Boogey but this was a whole decade before that. It was some sort of pseudo punk thing. You had to put a few safety pins on your skirt as I recall

Melba said...

The real punks did the kilt thing. With bondage pants underneath and rubber straps running between the knees. So that would have been mid to late '70s.

Everything goes in cycles. Everything's borrowed from tribes or decades past. My pet hate at the moment are the maxi dresses from the '70s. I predict they will last 5 minutes. No one's wearing them because they're so horrible.

squib said...

I was born in 74 so it was much later for me

Maxi dresses are not very flattering

My pet hate is velour beach towels. They don't aborb water and they feel horrible

Melba said...

crocs. that's what i'll remember from the noughties.

Boogeyman said...

Perhaps Perseus could retain his pair of crocs to wear to a 00's themed party in 20 years.

Melba said...

Boogeyman, if you tell me that Perseus is so sartorially wrong that he wears those fucking things, then Captain Kneejerk or not, I will have to rethink my respect for him.

Perseus said...

You dobbing cunt, Boogeyman.

Melba: I did once own a pair of imitiation crocs (bought from the chemist) and they only came out at night, and when I was walking on the beach alone. They're good for walking through water, and are comfy. They were black. I lost them more than a year ago. I don;t intend to replace them for the shame.

Melba said...

OK then, P, apology accepted. It was an apology, wasn't it?

I know they're popular, but they are so ugly. Anyone other than chefs, people working on decks of boats and possibly children shouldn't wear them.

Boogeyman said...

Sure you lost them, surrrreee.

In Perseus's defence, Melba, he occupies a very unique 00's fashion genre - Texan Pirate Crocs-wearing Goth.

Kerces said...

bunny ears a la whatshername form the first big brother.

extravagantly obvious fake designer labels.

big sunglasses and scarves (see: rachel zoe).


pants halfway down the legs was mid to late 90s, not noughties.

homesick said...

For the ladeees: Dead straight hair, blowfly sunglasses, oversized handbags, retro comic t-shirt with hipster jeans and uggs.

For the gents: Rod Stewart style mullet, jeans below the crack with that annoying bloody chain,retro t-shirt, Corey sunnies,sneakers without laces.

Oh and for all that is said about Crocs.. I agree the first ones out were awful (the style with holes) but now you can get more acceptable styles that don't make your feet look like Humphrey B Bear's.

Why you would need Crocs in suburbia is beyond me but out here they are standard issue.

WitchOne said...

We wear them in the garden, they're just easy to slip on and off and easy to wash.

But I live in whitetrashville and you see people wearing them out to dinner here. *shudder*

Aesophia said...

I beg to differ with the pants halfway down the leg thing there Kerces, while they were out in full force in the nineties, they certainly haven't taken a back step in the noughties... Have you been to Flinders Street Station* recently, el primo hang out for all of the coolest emos in town... Check out the pants-line around you then.

*Assuming of course that you are a Melbournite... although I'm sure all other major train stations accessorise with at least a handful of the local emo-kids.

Kerces said...

point taken Aesophia, though we have no train stations here.

but you've got to concede the pants down with thick-banded, branded elastic of underpants (calvin klein was popular) poking out the top was very 90s.

Aesophia said...

No train stations?! OK then, bus stops?

Anyway, the visible thick waist band thing was very nineties... I think it's never gone away since then - it just gets re-done, you know tightness or looseness of pants coupled with undies or boxers... *sigh*

Regardless, I'm sure we both agree it's a dreadful look :)

patchouligirl said...

I missed this post but no one mentioned rectangular spectacles which seem to be all the rage at the moment. Also (from the 90's) shortish hair in a strange shade of orange, slicked down flat at the front but brushed up like a dunny brush at the back, with a ton of gel or hairspray to hold it there. Usually seen on hard faced middle aged brunettes.