Friday, July 3, 2009

At long last! The tractor poem!

The role of the Soviet tractor, as previously advertised, will be played by an American tractor.

There will be no refunds.

Snub nose, the guts of twenty mules are in your cylinders and transmission.
The rear axles hold the kick of twenty Missouri jackasses.
It is in the records of the patent office and the ads there is twenty horse power pull here.
The farm boy says hello to you instead of twenty mules—he sings to you instead of ten span of mules.
A bucket of oil and a can of grease is your hay and oats.
Rain proof and fool proof they stable you anywhere in the fields with the stars for a roof.
I carve a team of long ear mules on the steering wheel—it’s good-by now to leather reins and the songs of the old mule skinners
.

29 comments:

Lewd Bob said...

Ah, tractors.

Perseus said...

So, according to the poet, where a car's power may be defined by 'horsepower' (because the car replaced the horse), a tractor's engine, being the replacement for the mule, should be measured in 'mulepower'.

I like his thinking. Tractor companies should say, "...featuring a 60 mulepower engine."

"Asspower" would be funnier though.

This could be applied elsewhere in situations where modern inventions have replaced animals.

"Six-leech blood test syringe"

wari lasi said...

I like your line of thinking Pers.

I've got a 4,000 abacus power computer then.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

A six catpower mousetrap.

Mr E Discharge said...

Nick Cave and The Dixie Chicks need to get this out on an EP without delay! it's got "HIT" written all over it!

Perseus said...

4,000 abacus power computer


My vaccuum cleaner is a fourslave.
My house is threecave.
My ex girlfriend was a fivebitch.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What about your chainsaw, Pers?

Perseus said...

Eight million sharp-stone power?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That's some chainsaw.

Boogeyman said...

Perseus owns a 15 lumberjack chainsaw.

He greases it up with his 15 lumberjack drum of engine lubricant.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Didn't Squib write a poem about her car?

Melba said...

Yay for the tractor poem. I think it's my favourite.

For some reason I have this running through my head:

Kazakhstan greatest country in the world.
All other countries are run by little girls.
Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium.
Other countries have inferior potassium.

Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool.
It’s length thirty meter and width six meter.
Filtration system a marvel to behold.
It remove 80 percent of human solid waste.

...

Come grasp the mighty penis of our leader.
From junction with the testes to tip of its face!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You're an...shall we say... interesting person, Melba.

Melba said...

I didn't write it. And I left out the more offensive lyrics. My point was there was no tractor in the national anthem, and perhaps there should have been.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It's a constant source of pain to me that our national anthem doesn't mention agricultural machinery even once.

Mr E Discharge said...

The country is dotted with monuments to Burke and Wills while Massey and Ferguson barely rate a mention!

squib said...

Beautiful!

I am reminded of a project we had to do for school on the Industrial Revolution. I made a complex pop-up book with a revolving Jethro Tull seed drill and so on. That was before I realised that was uncool

Didn't Squib write a poem about her car?

I think she did

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

There is a song about the Massey and Ferguson, Mr E.

a revolving Jethro Tull

I thought you meant the band there for a minute, Squib.

Mr E Discharge said...

Didn't Jethro Tull invent the Aqualung?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Didn't Jethro Tull invent the Aqualung?

No, no. That was Steeleye Span.

patchouligirl said...

Thick as a brick.

wari lasi said...

Fuck, what a weird thread. But I suppose what else do you expect when it starts with a post about a poem about a tractor?

And Melba, did Sacha Baron Cohen have a hand in your poem?

My ex girlfriend was a fivebitch.

Ah, but while she was your girlfriend, she was a "fiveangel".

Lewd Bob said...

a post about a poem about a tractor

Wari, you have contributed a comment about a post about a poem about a tractor.

I bet that's your first time.

Perseus said...

"Ah, but while she was your girlfriend, she was a "fiveangel".

Nope.

wari lasi said...

You've got me there Bob. I was indeed a virgin in the area of commenting about a post about a poem about a tractor. And the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus were just passing by ... I need a lie down. No wait, it'a Friday afternoon, I need a beers.

And Pers, why were you going out with her then?

Perseus said...

Was with her for almost six years Wari, and not a day goes by when I don't ask myself the same question.

The best I can come up with is: She had good taste in architecture.

Melba said...

Well spotted Wari, indeed Mr Cohen had a hand in that.

I've been thinking all day about matching the "six catpower mousetrap" and "fourslave vaccuum cleaner" genius comments, but can't come up with anything.

What about my "one carrier pigeon telephone"? Or my "one river and two boulder washing machine"?

Does that work? Not funny though.

patchouligirl said...

I was thinking of a 10 tree microwave but it is getting a bit environmental.

Perseus said...

In New Zealand, a Ten Hangi Microwave?