Sunday, February 7, 2010

Dan is thinking about eating rissoles for lunch

Phil is deciding whether to read a book or update his status on Facebook

I wonder if people who like to post their 'status' (i.e. whatever inane thing they happen to be doing at the moment their walnut-sized brains decide to make the post) on Facebook or Twitter, really think anyone gives a fuck.

Do they think they're so important that others are hanging on their every vacuous post?

"Keith has been working hard and is now enjoying a glass of beer."*

Fuck off Keith, I don't give a shit. If you were really enjoying your beer, why don't you just drink it, instead of telling everybody about it, you arsehole.

"Rick thinks your (sic) going to love Avatar."*

Rick, you don't have any fucking idea what you're (see how I spelled that?) talking about, twat.

And incidentally, the people that respond to your status don't give a fuck either, they just want you to check their status:

"Doreen is glad there's something good on TV!"*

Well fucken watch it, bitch, instead of telling your stupid friends about it.


*Actual status updates - names have been changed.

34 comments:

squib said...

I was just updating my FB status. I don’t have any problem with being vacuous

At least ‘Keith is enjoying a beer’ is 12 chapters less excruciating than ‘Levin has found God’

Mad Cat Lady said...

I quite like the status updates too - one of the ladies I follow on twitter updates about having a cup of tea and for some reason I find the idea of somebody out there peacefully going about their day having a cup of tea reassuring.

Mad Cat Lady said...

They just had a feret muzzle on collectors - how awesome - I had no idea there were such things.

Alex said...

MCL, I'd say you're fortunate if you've never had to worry about one of your ferrets killing, eating and falling asleep underground.

Mad Cat Lady said...

Indeed Alex. It is an enduring deep warmth in my cockles.

Perseus said...

Facebook statuses are the car stickers of the internet.

Leilani said...

I was just updating my FB status too and I don't mind if people write something basic now and again. But I think, judging from his FB status, that one of my friends is into Kaballah. Isn't that like the new Scientology - except with Madonna instead of Tom Cruise?

Alex said...

Isn't Kabbalah like Jewish Daoism or something?

Mr E Discharge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr E Discharge said...

Bob,
If I may speak frankly, posting with the labels "fuck knuckles" and "rants" without the inclusion of the words "cunt", "cunts" or "Noted Melbourne Barister Walter Jeremy Sear" within the body text of the post is contrary to the stated editorial policies of this site.

cc: Media Watch
bcc: Noted Melbourne Barister Walter Jeremy Sear.

Melba said...

I agree Bob. My FB status hasn't been updated since some time last year. My twitter account is deleted, so now all I have is my blog and my comments here and elsewhere.

It is enough.

HOWEVER I do agree with Rick and think that you're probably going to (maybe not love, "like alot"?) Avatar. It's not half bad.

There. I've said it.

Melba said...

Oh squib! Are you talking about OUR Levin? Does he really?

Lewd Bob said...

Thank you Mr E. I realise I've made a large blunder and I'm sorry and hope everyone accepts my sincere apologies.

You may be interested to know that in the original post I called Doreen's friends 'cunt' friends instead of stupid. When I read it back it really sounded nasty so I changed it. Perhaps I should have stuck with my original, instinctive intentions.

I think squib probably saw this version.

And I would not want to suggest that squib, MCL or Leilani are vacuous, inane or stupid just because they enjoy the status updates. Clearly they are exceptions and I am a cad.

Lewd Bob said...

Oh and I agree Melba. There is nothing more interesting to me than Levin's musings.

If facebook had existed in the 19th century, Levin may have posted something like this:

Levin is wondering whether the peasants really aren't such a bad lot.

Here, I would've received an instant stiffy.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Levin is one of the most boring cunts in the entire field of 19th century Russian - no mean feat.

If I had a facebook account*, my status would be sick on "Ramon is regarding you with thinly veiled contempt".

*Which I don't.

Perseus said...

I don't have Facebook either, but I have tattoos, so I'm partially a victim of modern-world peer pressure.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh dear, Pers.

Lewd Bob said...

Levin is one of the most boring cunts in the entire field of 19th century Russian

Go to the devil, Ramon.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Won't.

And Anna K gives me the shits as well.

Lewd Bob said...

Yeah, she's a bit of a drama queen, I'll give you that.

Pepsi said...

Levins just come to town to ask Kitty to marry him.

I have no idea what happens next.

So no spoilers please.

Lewd Bob said...

Oh that's right before Kitty shoots him in the eye with an arrow!

No wait, that's something else.

Carry on.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Let's just say Pepsi, Anna doesn't make that 3:15 train to St Petersberg.

RandomGit said...

I like posting angst on my facebook updates from month to month, just to see if they end up in a song someday.

Though, somehow I suspect "Riley went to pre-school for his first day today and spent the time running around madly, running over the other kids toes with a tonka truck, ignoring the responsible adult and shit in his pants. Just like home really." won't be regarded as having poetical value.

I use twitter to follow celebs who use it properly. And to post querulous or transformed literary phrases to see who of my friends can pick up the references and prove their good taste. With 6 followers, it isn't a productive way to test ones net friends.

Melba said...

Ramon, how can you say that about Levin? You're just jealous because you have no peasants to look after, worry about, toil beside and have new-found respect for.

(Ended with a prep. Sorry Bob.)

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You're just jealous because you have no peasants to look after, worry about, toil beside and have new-found respect for.

I have a cat and a six-year old, Melba.

If that doesn't make me eligble to remark on that drip Levin, then I don't know what does.

squib said...

Sorry Melba, that was a bit of a spoiler. I guarantee you though that our Levin will bore you to tears in the last 12 chapters

My FB status update was "Squib thought 'Anna Karenina' was just lacking a runaway nose and/or a vodka drinking cat"

I now wish my status had referred to Levin as a boring cunt. So much more succinct

Melba said...

Ok well obviously I haven't gotten to the bits that will turn me off.

I'm disappointed. I had really liked him alot, but if he goes all goddy then I won't like that.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Melba, Levin becomes "Goddy McGod Boy" - with a side order of God.

Lewd Bob said...

It was the 19th century. All they had was samovars and troikas. They needed a god.

Stick with him, Melba. Stick with him.

Pepsi said...

Goddy and train stuff.

I should just watch the movie.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

They had vodka, Bob.

Who needs God when you have hard spirits.

eat my shorts said...

I was just updating my FB status. I don’t have any problem with being vacuous

I thought that's what Facebook was for?

Don't tell me I've been using it wrong after all.

patchouligirl said...

Facebook is vacuous and updates that are only self promotional get very boring. It is good for keeping in touch with friends and rels that you don't see often and before Facebook and Twitter there was Yahoo Messenger and ICQ. I like that you can post photos on Facebook to share. I'm not spending much time there though.