Monday, May 17, 2010

A Tensome

Here is the update on my stupid love life.

It's really messy right now, but at least I'm gettin' some.

Aside from me, there are 4 characters in this tale.

1. Ponygirl: My former lover, and unrequited love of my (recent) life, 26 years old. As you may recall, she has spent a lot of time with me this year, but she refused to have sex with me since returning from 9 months overseas.

2. Songstress: My more viable love interest. Single, 30 years old, mutual friends. She and I did sleep together, but from then on we struggled to meet up because she's always busy. She briefly took another lover, but dumped him, contacted me and was supposed to come on the road trip but her cousin Miss Flatmate scuttled that plan. We caught up once after the roadtrip and it was okay... but there was no sex.

3. Miss Flatmate: 22 years old, cousin and flatmate of the Songstress and fan of my band. A close friend who spends a lot of time with me as I pay her to work on my garden. That's not a euphemism. I'm growing a native garden.

4. Miss Rat: Divorcee, mother of three children, 41 years old, former bikini model, has been my friend since we were fifteen years old.


After the roadtrip I decided to really apply myself to the whole Songstress thing. But, she just bought a house and is moving soon, plus her two bands are working heavily, the album comes out next week, plus she works a variety of jobs and has hardly any time to spare. She kept making dates with me, then cancelling. In amidst all that, I got a call from my old friend Miss Rat who invited me around for a night. "I've just finished breast-feeding the youngest," she said, "...and I haven't had sex since conceiving him more than two years ago. I need some attention." I think Gen Y refer to this as a "booty call". I obliged, for old time's sake. Having known her for 25 years, we have, over the times, in between her three marriages, shagged often. She's into bondage, which makes me giggle, but if I drink enough I can play the role she expects me to. So, I went over and spent the night and it was fun. I hadn't had sex for two months (Songstress was the last - Feb)and it was all cool. Since that night, Miss Rat has taken on two other lovers. A local cop, and a neighbour, plus me (in theory, even though I haven't been back, but I'll be visiting next week).

Songstress was supposed to come down to me the following weekend, but she cancelled on the Friday. She said she would be definitely come down the following weekend.

Then she cancelled again on that next Thursday.

I got annoyed. We're supposed to be in the 'getting to know you' phase and we just never see each other. I offered to come up to Melbourne many times but she kept saying no, so I gave up on her.

Ponygirl happened to ring and I said, "Songstress just cancelled me for about the 10th time. Wanna come down for the weekend?" and she did.

I thought it would be our usual sort of weekend. Get drunk, play rummikub, have no sex. She announced when we sat down that she has two lovers in Melbourne... Young Lesbian, and Lapsed Catholic Boy. I said, "I'm a bit jealous, but at least I got some with my bondage friend, Miss Rat."

Anyway, one thing lead to another, and after a 15 month drought, Ponygirl and I shagged. I think it was because she knew I was getting some elsewhere, and I was less of a chance to start hassling her to be my girlfriend, especially given that she has two lovers in Melbourne anyway. We spent Friday to Monday together, and there was much physical activity.

We caught up again last Tuesday night, briefly. Dinner on Sydney Road, and Miss Flatmate also came along. I said to Miss Flatmate, "Your cousin Songstress is supposed to come down to my place this weekend, but she'll probably cancel again, as she always does."

"She probably will cancel," said Miss Flatmate, "Because, well, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but she has two lovers at the moment. Buff Handsome Man and Hip-Hop Guy."

"Fucken hell," I said, "Well, that's okay, cos Ponygirl and I hooked up, and Miss Rat and I hooked up as well," and the three of us had a laugh.

But deep down, I was upset. As much as I love Ponygirl, I have given up on having her as a girlfriend. I must be content with having her as close friend, and sometimes lover. But Songstress... she was an option, and it turns out, she's just not that into me.

Sure enough, like clockwork, Friday night just gone, Songstress rings and says, "Sorry, have to cancel the weekend."

"Why?" I asked.

"Look, to tell you the truth Perseus, I've been shagging these two guys in Melbourne."

"I know," I said, "Your cosin Miss Flatmate dobbed on you. Hip-Hop guy and Buff Handsome Man. I know all about them"

"Little dobber!" she yelled.

"But I don't care. I have two lovers myself. Ponygirl and Miss Rat. And each of them have an extra two lovers. There must be something in the air."

"Oh, in that case, if we're being all open about it, I'll come down," she said.

And she did. She came down Saturday night and we had a great night, and we're catching up Tuesday night in Melbourne.

So, I have three lovers (rains, pours): Miss Rat, Songstress and Ponygirl.
Miss Rat has three lovers: Me, Local Cop and Neighbour.
Ponygirl has three lovers: Me, Young Lesbian and Lapsed Catholic Boy.
Songtsress has three lovers: Me, Buff Handsome Man and Hip-Hop guy.

That's a love triangle with ten points (cop that, geometrists).

The fuck? Honestly, I don't know how I get myself into these things. Actually, I do. Desperation. Clinging at straws. Bachelordom does weird things to your head. You may think, "Oh stop complaining, you're getting sex and you're in the mix," and it's true to an extent, I'm having fun when I am with these women, but the in-between times are a barren emotional wilderness. I have that sick feeling in the stomach. I feel rotten, and used in a way, and a user in another way. It's rubbish.

The only positive I can put on it is that after three years of having only Ponygirl in my wider romantic net, Songstress has at least matched her. I've ruined all other chances at romance over the past three years because whoever I meet just doesn;t compare to Ponygirl, and finally, I found one that does. It's just that she happens to have two other lovers.

I don't know how all this will end, but in a fortnight, Songstress has her album launch and there will be at least 6 of the 10 players in this fruity melodrama at the show. Maybe that'll be the next post.


Oh, and as an aside: I actually told this yarn to a chick I know, a 22 year old Goth called Batgirl, and she immediately asked if she could come down for a night of lust. I said no, but that's not the point. The point is that she found it sexy. Aren't girls supposed to be put off by guys who 'play the field'? Why, after just telling this girl I have three lovers, did she want to be a fourth? This is the exact opposite of what people are supposed to be like.


Cath said...

This situation could of course only happen to you.

The reason why Batgirl, and Songstress for that matter, are now attracted to you is simply because women like the bad boy. You sleeping with many women apparently gives them the impression that you are a bad boy. When in fact, as you so rightly pointed out, you are a desperate bachelor aching for an emotional connection, but only currently able to get sex.

My recommendation, as I have said before and you disagree with, is to not sleep with anyone. If you are happy with the situation then it is fine, but clearly you are feeling disenchantment. Take sex off the menu, and see who still wants to come round for a coffee and a chat.

Puss In Boots said...

Because, Perseus, if you're managing to keep 3 girls satisfied, then you must be pretty good in bed. Batgirl is obviously keen to find out just how good.

I had a similar situation a few years ago, where I had one guy sort of off and on (born again christian - ugh), had just started dating the boy (no action yet), and had just stopped seeing another guy because I wanted more than he did (I wanted a relationship). Once the last guy found out I was sort of seeing two other guys (but in actual fact, not sleeping with either of them), he wanted me back.

People are weird. If someone else has something, then it must be good, so you covet it.

RandomGit said...

From your many posts on the subject, I'd say you aren't playing the field but the field is playing you. It ups your 'intrigue' factor.

There's something about Perseus.

Anonymous said...

Miss Flatmate must be feeling left out.

Perseus said...

Cath: I tried the 'no sex' thing for 6 months last year, then a further 4 months twixt November and Feb this year, and you know what the result was? No relationships, and no sex.

Alex: Miss Flatmate doesn't care. She likes to sit back, watch it all unfold, and laugh at us all.

Perseus said...

Oh, and Puss: I can't be keeping them that satisfied, because they all feel the need to take other lovers. I think I;m just the 'older, safe' one, who will pay for dinner.

Anonymous said...

So, Miss Flatmate is a bit like the TSFKA equivalent of a live studio audience?

You're probably right, but I can't help picturing her as this lonely figure, working out in your garden, everyone around her enmeshed in a complex web of relationships, and nary a fella to call her own. Laughing on the outside, etc, etc.

Gah, I can't believe I'm even thinking about this.

Perseus said...

If it makes you feel better Alex, Miss Flatmate is on some sort of anti-depressant that she claims kills her sexual desire, and she reckons she has none at all. But she's not fussed, because the anti-depressants she is on are, on every other level, the best she's found, or something. Anyway, this all leads to her not caring about all the sex going on around her, and her heightened spirits means she is amused by it all.

Cath said...

Anyway, this all leads to her not caring about all the sex going on around her, and her heightened spirits means she is amused by it all.

Except of course when it came to her hissy fits surrounding the road trip....

GiggleWorthy said...

"No woman wants a man that other women don't want."

I believe this quote answers your question.

Please do post about the launch - I can't wait to see what alcohol adds to the mix! And yes, only you could end up in this situation.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Miss Flatmate is on some sort of anti-depressant that she claims kills her sexual desire

Bollocks to that!

I'm in North Queensland, BTW.

patchouligirl said...

Those anti depressants probably could have saved my first marriage. Husband no 1 was just a rooting machine. I would've liked to sneak something in his bourbon to slow him down a bit.

Pepsi said...

Entertaining as always are the adventures of the love gumby; looking for love in all the wrong places.

Sex like this is good, and fun, and entertaining and stringless, but if you're looking for a serious relationship - maybe not so good.

Do you enjoy letting so many young women use you like that?

Miss Flatmate goes all the way to the country to do your gardens? Thats seems keen, I thought she lived in Melbourne?

Perseus said...

Pepsi: I pay her $50 plus 3 meals a day to do my gardening. She's on Austudy. This is like riches for her.

squib said...

I concur with Cath. You are never ever going to find the right one this way. You are too easily distracted, as are it seems the women you are attracted to

Perseus said...

So, I find the right woman, by, er, not going out with women?

Is there one behind my couch I don't know about?

Cath said...

I found getting stalked by a man on the interwebs was my most effective method of getting a date yet. Stalking led to date let to marriage leading to first child.

Hold on.... maybe not such a good plan.

squib said...

I find the right woman, by, er, not going out with women?

No. You find the right woman by not sleeping around. Also, you need to find the right woman. I hope this helps!

Melba said...

I just love the word 'twixt.'

And Alex snuck a 'nay' in there as well.

I just hope you're all using condoms. So much dipping and switching going on there just between the 10 of you.

patchouligirl said...

Living in a rural area makes it harder to meet people. I admire your honesty about the bondage though, very funny.

Pepsi said...

So Ponygirl likes boys and girls? How interesting.

Anonymous said...

And Alex snuck a 'nay' in there as well.

I think it might have been a 'nary', Melba.

And no, Perseus. Knowing that Miss Flatmate is alone, lives with two people that she doesn't really get on with and suffers from depression, doesn't make me feel that much better.

I've never taken anti-depressants, so I can't comment on their effect. Ramon seems able to, though.

That said, I'm not going to read too much into the road trip hissy fit. I've lived in share accomodation (hasn't everyone?). If I'd scored a holiday that would take me far away from my flatmates and then found out they were coming too; no amount of drugs would have stopped me from wanting to bang my head against a wall - or somebody else's face.

Melba said...

You're right it was a nary. Typo on my part. Still impressed Alex.

Oh and just got the "tensome" reference.

Der fred.

Anonymous said...

Der fred.

Dear God, I hope that turn of phrase doesn't make a serious comeback. I actually heard my Mum say it to my Dad the other day. A teeth grinding moment if ever there was one.

Perseus said...

I love 'der fred'!

Dr. Golf said...

Keep trying for Ponygirl. I doubt the lesbian or Tony Abbott are genuine competition.

When you fall off the horse, you have to keep getting back on. Actually that doesn't really work because there was one called Horse a few months back wasn't there.

wari lasi said...

Fair dinkum, I love your stories Pers.

There's no rules to this game. I found the love of my life in most definitely the wrong place.

So long as everyone is happy and it isn't hurting anyone then who's to judge?

I have to (as usual) agree with Melba though and sincerely hope there's a whole lot of protection happening here.

wari lasi said...

And sorry to mention it in this most inappropriate of forums, but Emma is 9 today and lovely as ever. I was 46 last Thursday and remain as ugly as ever.

Just thought you needed to know that.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Wari, and best wishes to Emma.

patchouligirl said...

Yes, happy birthday to you both.

eat my shorts said...

I think I;m just the 'older, safe' one, who will pay for dinner.

Then stop paying for dinner, Perseus & see who actually sticks around because they like the person you are, as opposed to what you can get them.

So, I find the right woman, by, er, not going out with women?

I don't think you have to stop sleeping with women to find the right woman, but there seems to be a gap between what you're getting and what you say you want. You need to close the gap somehow. I'm not entirely sure that a play with so many characters is going to get you closer to what you say your goal is. It's not impossible, but I don't know how likely it is that while you're involved in that situation you'll find yourself a wife/the prospective mother of your children.

Does that make me sound prudish? If it does, that's not how I mean it to sound. I think if you're all being safe & it's not hurting anyone then go for it & enjoy it. But you say: I feel rotten, and used in a way, and a user in another way. It's rubbish. So it doesn't sound like it's terribly fulfilling for you in the end.

This is the exact opposite of what people are supposed to be like.

Not 22 year old females. They're a world unto their own, old boy.

WitchOne said...


Just. Wow.

Oh, and how do you come up with all the names?

Perseus said...

Songstress: Is a full-time singer.

Ponygirl: She was named that by Melba or Squib, can't remember which, in reply to an anecdote I told on my other blog. When she was a kid she pleaded for years to get a pony. When she finally got one, she hated its guts.

Miss Flatmate: Is the flatmate of Miss Artist (my former lover) and Songstress (current lover).

Miss Rat: Was nicknamed 'Spunk Rat' back in High School.

Lapsed Catholic: Is a lapsed Catholic.

Young lesbian: Is a 21 year old lesbian.

Hip-Hop Guy: Is a hip-hot artist.

Buff Handsome Man: Is buff and handsome.

Anonymous said...

I apologise if I'm merely stating the obvious here; but after some consideration, I'd like to put forward this thought on whether or not rooting around is going to have a negative impact on your chances of finding a long-term partner:

Maybe it's not so much a question of the amount of rooting you do, and more a question of the type of people you root. Do you think you might have better luck if you dumped all of your current interests and started focusing on women, say, in their thirties who were less career focused and actively looking to start a family? Just a thought.