Friday, August 20, 2010

It's Politics Slam Friday!

Works for Liberals too.

Well ,the Federal election campaign is in its final leg/quarter/lap/whatever bullshit sporting metaphor the meeja are using these days and despite all the hand wringing about “how boring the campaign was”*, I’ve actually quite enjoyed it.

This is more than I can say above the coverage, both print and electronic, which has been beyond appalling.

The Smage has been obsessed with long, unfunny “colour” pieces and somebody should really tell the bods over at the new 24-hour news channel ABC 24 that journalists interviewing journalists about what another set of journalists said is less than riveting.

Most of the really useful stuff I’ve come across has been from the Internet, with Crikey and Peter Brent’s site Mumble being the standouts.

That said, I still have no freakin’ idea about who’s going to win, but if pressed I’d say a Labor win is more probable than a Liberal win and a hung parliament not probable at all.

If the ALP can minimise its losses in NSW and Queensland, using the advantage of incumbency, and pick up some seats in South Australia and Victoria, then we can look forward to another three years of Ranga Rule.

It may very well be that the Tories will pick up more votes but still have fewer seats.

So there.


And on a final note, if people want to join me for the local Labor Party election night piss-up, then shoot me a line and you can be entertained by the site of me drinking beer, swearing at the TV and generally carrying on like a lunatic.

Can’t say fairer than that!

* A line the meeja has used about every single freakin’ election since 1980.


squib said...

You'd better be wearing that badge and taking orders

I'm glad you're feeling quietly confident. I'm not. I'm deeply worried

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Squib in my experience I've found that where an election is considered 'close" the voters tend to stick with the current government - as in 1990 and 2004.

However, I'm frequently wrong.

Melba said...

Me too squib. It's all just a bit much. And Ramon, I would love to join you for an ale Sat night however I have mother coming over to watch, plus I told Clokes he couldn't go to the footy, he had to stay at home and watch it unfold with me.

I dunno. I figure you're not a texter otherwise I'd email you my mobile and you could deliver your insightful and biting commentary that way. Can we have a live post going on TSFKA on Sat night?

catlick said...

Squib in my experience I've found that where an election is considered 'close" the voters tend to stick with the current government - as in 1990 and 2004.
Ramon I've taken this and made a comforter out it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm going to be on the turps, Melba, so I suspect any live blogging action will be variants on "fuckin' Tory cunts".

Which is less than educational.

squib said...

oh! speaking of turps, Melba, last night at our favourite Italian restaurant, the owner offered us some homemade limoncello. It had milk in it. Twas nice but a bit on the sweet side

Melba said...

With milk, squib? Blech. I would consider that an abomination and would have found it hard not to ask "which regional variety is this, dear sir?"


Do you mean Ramon you are expecting a less than ideal result?


老總 é放電 said...

I'm going to be on the turps, Melba, so I suspect any live blogging action will be variants on "fuckin' Tory cunts".

So business as usual,then?


Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Pretty much, Mr E.

Anonymous said...

I think I would've enjoyed this election more if I hadn't gotten sick and ended up with a nasty lingering cough. Bloody immune system.

Can we have a live post going on TSFKA on Sat night?

Well, if we do, there's no doubt I'll be here for it. Not that I'll be providing much that's biting or insightful. Anyone else?

somebody should really tell the bods over at the new 24-hour news channel ABC 24 that journalists interviewing journalists about what another set of journalists said is less than riveting.

That reminds me, I've got about 10GB of less-than-riveting election analysis, that's been pulled from iView, sitting here. Still haven't decided whether or not I should keep it for posterity - you know, so in 20yrs I can point to it and say, "This is how the ABC covered the first election of a sheila/utter-cunt* as PM". I trust nobody else wants a copy.

*Admittedly, Tony may not actually be a first.

老總 é放電 = Best spammer ever.

Kettle said...

Hey can anyone explain the long-term presence of Anthony Green on the Australian election landscape? Is he like a man-nipple (i.e. superfluous) or really rather good at what he does?

Kettle said...

Also Ramon, don't you think your invitation is a little state-ist? Just because, say, Squib and I choose to live where the weather makes a modicum of sense doesn't mean we should automatically be excluded from 'local' piss-ups.

If you're not going to tweet or live-blog you could at least set a webcam up in your loungeroom, eh comrade.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

A "web-cam", you say Kettle.

Is that something to do with computers?

And Antony Green is the duck's guts.

Kettle said...

Ramon that sounds a little like faux computing ignorance. I bet you're streaming live, 24 hours a day, at

Alternatively you're Anthony Green and too busy with your election blog for webcam shenanigans.

Either way, before I started reading this blog I knew neither 'dick biscuit' nor 'duck's guts'. I have come a long, long way.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I bet you're streaming live, 24 hours a day

"OMG, Ramon is scratching his arse and looking for a beer!!!"

Yeah, that'd really pull in the hits.

Melba said...


I won't domain squat any of these, I'll leave them free for you, Ramon. They are my election gift to you. You give me lemons, I also give you lemons.

Kettle said...

Big Brother was based on that level of activity Ramon and it seemed to be quite successful.

Also, some of the most popular sites on the interwebs are live shots of aquariums (as in your domestic variety, not your mega-tonne of water type). And aquariums really, ah, go off.

Melba - gold!

Anonymous said...

I had to ask about what the deal was with Antony a while ago too, Kettle. Oh and I assume that duck's guts and duck's nuts both mean tops, right?

"OMG, Ramon is scratching his arse and looking for a beer!!!"[...]Yeah, that'd really pull in the hits.

Big Brother ran for what, 7 years?

Also, I just heard that Julia was drinking Tooheys while Tony had a shandy. I wonder how this vital information will affect votes.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Aww, thanks Melbs.

Kettle, the drawback to your analogy is that most of the contestants on BB were vaguely good looking.

Kettle said...

Alex - Big Brother jinx.

Great minds... etc etc (or else 'great arse-scratchers'...).

Kettle said...

Ramon if you look anything like Senator Faulkner you're alright by me.

老總 é放電 said...

Webcam - Brilliant solution!
Maybe even spend some time on Chatroulette if you can pull yourself away from the election coverage............

squib said...

as in your domestic variety, not your mega-tonne of water type

oh the really B-grade aquarium stuff

Anonymous said...

Yes, it seems I owe you a drink, Kettle.

Very funny, 老總 é放電. Have Chatroulette got the penis filter working yet? Kind of seems like a shame if they have.

Oh, and Ramon, I noticed that both and are available, if either of those tickle your fancy.

Anonymous said...

用心經營blog,人氣百分百~^^ 加油

Kettle said...

用心經營blog,人氣百分百~^^ 加油 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


Julia Gillard couldn't have said it better herself.

WitchOne said...

I liked the asian dude until he went jihad on our arses.

I do agree, best spammer ever.

I'm trashed in preparation for election day. Party tonight while watching coverage, come to boganville ya'll, I dares ya!

Kettle said...

3am Witchy? Saturday's going to be a looong day for you.

老總 é放電 said...

冠州 said...

用心經營blog,人氣百分百~^^ 加油


用心 fucking 經營????

Next time think before you post, you 屄!...........

Melba said...

Let me open the Election Day stream with the following:

I've voted. I took a HTV sheet from ALP and from the Greens.

This is what the ALP woman said as I took her paper:

Annoying woman: Are you voting Labor today?

Me: Maybe.

AW: Well, give it a go.

Give it a go?


Anonymous said...

Melba, perhaps she took your "maybe" as meaning "I want to vote Labor but I'm not entirely confident in my ability to fill out the ballot correctly". Well, maybe not.

I just saw Annabel Crabb on the telly, suggesting that NSW may be very kind to the coalition today. Kettle, you're in NSW aren't you? What's going on?

Melba said...

Apparently it's west Sydney and QLD that might be the trouble spots for the ALP.

It might just be you and me today Alex, but I need to pop out to see West Side Story in about half an hour. I'll be back...

Anonymous said...

No worries, Melba. I'll hold down the fort here.

According to Ms Crabb though, NSW could be a bigger problem than anyone suspected, thus far. Of course, that's assuming she knows what she's talking about and isn't blowing things out of proportion. I assume she's going on early exit polls.

Melba said...

Puss just saw this in the Age online:

Review of Top 5 Vegan Eats according to one M. Hardy. BUT I thought you could google them and see if they have their menus online (places often do).

Just a thought.

Melba said...

Going now Alex. Be back later.

Anonymous said...

Ok, so according to some bald fellow on the telly, Every time you vote for Tony Abbott, God kills a kitten is now a Facebook group (or Twitter tag or some shit. I don't know how these things work) with 70k members. Ramon's doing? Considering there's like, a billion people on Facebook, it seems like kind of a low number.

Kettle said...

Alex my preliminary analysis of the election in NSW is that 23% of people have made gags to their friends and family about the length of the senate ballot paper (a surprising 42% of which have been vaguely to mildly amusing), 86% of people have enjoyed the election day sausage sizzles, and 1.2% of people can explain both the system of preferential voting and the off-side rule in football.

Personally I can report that beer and bean nachos make an excellent post-vote lunch.

How are things looking in your part of Oz? More importantly, what's your post-vote dish of choice?

Anonymous said...

Sadly, I'm not sensing a lot of Labor love here, Kettle. More to the point, I'm not sensing nearly enough Abbott hate - which is worrying.

I had to pop down to the shops to get more cough syrup, so I decided to snag a kebab. The local kebab shop is awesome (despite the fact that white people here have suddenly become alarmed by the fact that it's run by Asians). For eight bucks you get a massive kebab with everything you could possibly want - olives, mushies, beetroot, pineapple, the works.

Also, since Lindsay Tanner is bowing out this election, I've been looking around for a new parliamentary heartthrob. After a little bit of research (and a bit of video footage), I'm thinking I might try to muscle in on your Faulkner turf. That is, as long as you don't mind. It's a shame he'll be shifting to the back bench.

Kettle said...

Alex there's enough Faulks for everyone, and when he's PM (just a matter of time) he will be all of our special gentleman friend.

I'm afraid my seat (Sydney Inner City) is really rather uneventful: very safe Labor seat (by 19.3% in the 2007 election). I'm looking forward to seeing what happens in Bennelong (Labor by 1.4%), of course Eden-Monaro, and I reckon Gilmore looks like fun (with the sitting MP with the worst surname in Australian politics).

Favourite electorates in your state?

Kettle said...

Anyone in Hasluck?

Anonymous said...

Favourite electorates in Queensland (I have been here a while now, I suppose)? Good question. Well, there's Bowman, with a margin of only 0.01%, and I have to admit to taking an interest in Dickson, ever since Boogeyman gave Peter Dutton a savaging here. Then there's Herbert with 0.03%, which is in Mad Cat Lady's neck of the woods (I think she said she was from Townsville. I could be wrong). Hmmm, I might have to give this one some more thought.

squib said...


Well, folks, there was a lot of rain and a car with liberal flags doing bog laps (if only we'd remembered the spike strips)

There were about 50 people in the queue. The cupcakes were delightful

Anonymous said...

Thanks for that, Squib. It's a shame that EMS isn't in a position to keep us informed on the food situation in Tassy. We don't have any South Australians or Territorians here, do we?

Anonymous said...

That reminds me, EMS was celebrating her birthday today, wasn't she? Happy Birthday, EMS.

And Puss was having nose surgery or something, right? Hope everything's going well, Puss.

Oh, and Kettle, thanks for being so generous and understanding with The Faulks. A matter of time indeed.

Melba said...

I can report that West Side Story was pretty good. Also, my post-vote luncheon was corned beef on multigrain with tomato sauce and mustard. I am now in loungewear, ie pjs, and about to settle in front of the teeve with my first chardonnay.

I will periodically pop back to the computer for comments.

Anonymous said...

Well, it's sounding like a pretty positive tucker situation Australia wide.

Here's a question for those who've been doing this longer than I: can anyone remember an election where the commentators (instead of talking up how tense and exciting and close everything was) basically just said, "Yeah, we've got a pretty good idea how this is going to go. Might as well switch the channel. Nothing to see here"?

Kettle said...

Alex it's not a question of if they say "we pretty much know how this is going to go," but when they say it (and the tense they use).

They usually start saying it around 9pm and it sounds something like "This is just what we expected; we always knew it was going to go like this".

Melba said...

You can get an idea pretty early sometimes, I'm not hearing it yet.

Listen closely, and there is def a tone. And usually around 10pm is when it's called. Unless it's that close, which is when it gets ultra exciting.

By the way, my father has to be the only person who is listening to jazz on ABC radio while watching a muted Antony Green?

Anonymous said...

Aha, thanks. I'll keep an ear out for when it happens.

Is everyone watching the ABC, or has somebody ventured onto the other channels. I'm digging getting to see the lower half of Leigh Sales for the first time. Also, I'm hoping that Nick Minchin will do his nut when the Liberals lose (fingers crossed).

Melba said...




Where is Ramon?


Anonymous said...

Yes, I was hoping to get at least one alcohol fuelled "Fuckin' Tory cunts" before the night was out.

Anonymous said...

Oh, it looks like poor Boogey's going to be disappointed.

Melba said...

I'm calling HUNG.

Things aren't looking good. Maybe hung is optimistic?

Bllllodddy helll.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I could tolerate the inevitable barrage of awful jokes if we get a HUNG parliament.

Anonymous said...

Oh, it looks like poor Boogey's going to be disappointed.

Yes, more Dutton in Dickson.

If Labor hadn't kicked an own goal on this one he'd have been out on his arse.

Anonymous said...

Given the circumstances, I imagine there would have been quite a bit of ridicule when he landed, too.

My electorate's close, but it looks like it'll go against the Libs. Kind of makes me feel like my vote actually counted and stuff.

Also, it's hard to tell since he's such a reserved guy, but Stephen Smith's looking pretty upset, isn't he?

And I have to admit that listening to Connie Whatchamacallit-Wells commentate on stuff is becoming a guilty pleasure of mine.

Melba said...

I think Steven Smith was looking very uncomfortable, then rallied, and then again was looking very stressed.

But all I really have to say is what the hell was Maxine wearing?

Also, I've already gotten the first bad HUNG joke from my sister via text.

Melba said...

sorry Stephen

Kettle said...

McKew - fark.

On the plus side, someone at The Australian is having a smidgen of fun:

The mood at the official Labor function at the West Epping Bowling Club is subdued, as Ms McKew's supporters wait for her to arrive and deliver a concession speech that will provide a stark counterpoint to the ecstatic scenes of three years ago.

The highlight of the evening so far has been a fistfight between two bowlers.

Anonymous said...

I've never thought of Maxine as a real fashion plate, but I will be a bit sorry to see her go. She certainly wasn't holding too much back tonight, which I liked. And I think it's a bit weak how all the Labor pollies are doing the "oh, I didn't hear what she said" thing.

On a slightly related note, has anyone noticed the quality of the head-shots tonight? Belinda Neal, I thought, was looking especially un-Belinda-Neal-ish.

Greeny seems to be calling the Libs to get a majority of seats in the end. Shit.

Also, I like the way that the ABC microphones seem to be picking up little bits of stuff their not supposed to.

Finally, George Brandis is a twat.

That's my stream-of-consciousness out of the way.

Anonymous said...

So, Wilson Tuckey could conceivably get the boot this time around. Nice. I wonder if we could be fortunate enough to lose Heffernan as well.

Melba said...

Maxine is a total spunk but that top was hideous. I didn't like the way she was bagging the ALP. Sure, we're all thinking the same but she obviously doesn't want to continue in politics otherwise she would have held her tongue. Not smart. Penny Wong was not impressed.

Anonymous said...

Point taken Melba. I guess there's a fine line between political honesty and political suicide.

It looked to me like Julia had been crying, but I thought she held it together very nicely. I wonder how Mr Rabbit will look.

Fad MD said...

This has been gold.

I really hate pollies generally (they make my life hell), but Penny Wong takes the cake. Oh and goodbye Stephen Fielding you illiterate deadshit!

And the snags were undercooked at my polling place. How the fuck do you do that?

Melba said...

I thought Jules looked ok, not like she'd been crying. I can hear Abbott speaking as I type, I can't be bothered watching him.

Going to bed now, night. Not sure that we'll be any the wiser tomorrow. They're saying a week or two?


Anonymous said...

Well, he didn't gloat nearly as much as I thought he would. G'night Melba.

Fad, I second your thoughts on Fielding.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm feeling oddly zen.

Still too early to say who will form the new minority Government.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear Ramon. Especially since I expected you to say that you were just feeling deathly hung over.

patchouligirl said...

I'm starting to reconcile myself to what was previously unthinkable. My electorate of Charlton returned Greg Combet with a flourish so I don't feel personally responsible for what happens next.

WitchOne said...

Thanks for caring Kettle, Saturday was shit. Undercooked snags at my polling booth as well, the banana and pineapple cupcakes with coconut buttercream icing were weird, but nice all the same.

I had to supervise Velvets vote because he was taking literature on the way in, hadn't been able to hold a decent political conversation in the lead up to the day and therefore lost (in my view) the right to an opinion. Get informed or fuck off.

I was teaching Angel boy how to read political posters with expression though. That was FUN!

Anonymous said...

So, now we get to have a debate about whether primary or preferred votes are the proper measure of legitimacy for government? Anyone got any thoughts on that?

Melba said...

My thoughts would be why have them (preferences) if they serve no purpose? It's as good a measure as any if primary votes don't do the job.


And that's another argument.

Anonymous said...

I agree, Melba.

I just thought it was strange that people have started talking about this all of a sudden - like it's going to make some sort of difference in the present situation.

In the end, it's going to be about who offers what to whom, isn't it?

WitchOne said...

Who's in bed with whom Alex.

eat my shorts said...

It's a shame that EMS isn't in a position to keep us informed on the food situation in Tassy.

Well, my usual polling place/s featured an array of cakes and jams, scones, slices etc. I don't remember seeing a BBQ snag at a polling place in NW Tasmania, but have seen snags in Hobart. And they were never undercooked. That shit just wouldn't fly in Tassie.

The food situation in Australia differed greatly to where I voted this year. I went to Australia House in London to vote last Friday. It was heaps fancy & there was hardly anyone there. No queueing up at all. Us Tasmanians got lumped in with the West Australians (hmphh) and there was no food to speak of. There were chandeliers. I've never voted underneath a chandelier before.

After we voted we went to the pub down the road and got quietly drunk while watching England vs. Pakistan play cricket on the telly & played a few games of Connect Four (which I lost - I blame it on the beer, normally I'm unbeatable).

That reminds me, EMS was celebrating her birthday today, wasn't she? Happy Birthday, EMS.

Nah, it was my flatmate's birthday. But I'll take the happy birthday wishes anyway & tell him some chick on the internet wished him a happy birthday. He'll be well chuffed.

And ... hey! When do they count my vote? Have they counted it yet? I hope it doesn't get lost in the post.