Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Me v. McDonalds!

While I was growing up my parents were convinced that McDonalds was a tool of American imperialism and refused to take us there.

When an adult I wasn’t all that into to their style of fast food anyway* with the net result that when, on the rare occasion The Boy forces me to that particular establishment, I am somewhat flummoxed when confronted with the McDonalds menu.

This, in turn, leads to the sort of laughable misunderstandings, much loved by a certain type of indie film.

Witness this exchange from the other night.

Me: “Ermmmmm. Ummmmmmmm. I believe I’ll have the ‘super happy fun meal’, thanks.”

Bored McDonald’s chick: “whaftawhaftawhafta fries with that?”

Me: "Sorry?"

Bored McDonald’s chick (slightly louder): “whaftawhaftawhafta fries with that?”


Me: “Yes, I believe I will have a medium portion of chips with that, thanks.”

Bored McDonald’s chick: “whaftawhaftawhafta medium fries?”

Me: “Yes, medium chips sounds lovely, thanks.”

Bored McDonald’s chick (clearly deciding that I’m a dickhead and she wants me out of her queue): “whaftawhaftawhafta drinks as well?”

Me: “OK, can I see the wine list, thanks?”

Horrified McDonald’s chick: …………….
……………..
……………..
“We’re not allowed to sell alcohol, sir!”

Me: “OK, I’ll just have a Coopers Ale then.”

Honestly, I might as well be wearing a pince nez and frockcoat.

*Much more of a kebab man**, me.

**Especially after a couple of Coopers.

48 comments:

Jamie said...

You, sir, are a man after my own heart. All the McEmployees get very confused when one works away from the McScript and ask for things likechips instead of fries.

I used to like buting the little boxes of biscuits for tge kids but could never bring myself to refer to them as McDonaldland cookies.

Me: i'd like two packets of biscuits, please.

McBlonk: What?

Me: Two packets of biscuits, please. Those boxes over there.

McBlonk: you mean cookies?

Me: No, I mean biscuits.

McBlonk: (rolls eyes) Like, whateverrrrrr.

Jamie said...

Sorry. Buying, not buting.

patchouligirl said...

As they are now providing some healthier menu options, I have only two current issues with McDonalds: 1) they use caged eggs and 2) they should have a recycle bin for all that cardboard and packaging.

patchouligirl said...

And I like some Americanisms. "Cookies" is a much more fun word than "Biscuits". I love the word "Critter" too.

Cath said...

I too don't go into McDonalds with any regularity. Approximately once every 2-3 years I am either drunk enough or in a foreign country and strangely crave a pickle and familiarity and McDonalds comes to mind. I refuse to ask for Fries as well.

But more importantly to your point about alcohol. On one less than memorable trip into McDonald's in Milan, I enjoyed, fresh from the tap, a lovely refreshing lager. Being Italy, I must admit that I probably should have chosen the wine, but for the life of me now I cannot remember if it was available... Folly of youth and all that!

Mr E Discharge said...

Hmmmm.....

Someone who hates American Capitalism AND likes Kebabs......

Welcome to the "No Fly" list, Ramon.

patchouligirl said...

Oh and another favorite Americanism "Sheriff". We used to use it talking about this or that business partner . . 'there's a new sheriff running that department'.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

In my defence Mr E, I only like kebabs when I'm drunk.

Mr E Discharge said...

Yeah,yeah.yeah. And I only crash jet airliners into buildings when I've had a few......

Melba said...

Wow Mr E let me get on my predictable high horse here and say "stupid much."

Yeah yeah I know it's a joke but some of us know muslims, some of us have muslims in our family and some of us might be offended by that kind of talk. Also some of us might be flying overseas on the most auspicious day in the calendar in a couple of weeks, and so therefore might be a little toey.

Actually the first bit was funny, the second unnecessary.

Things have been a little dull around here. Let me stir the pot.

Mr E Discharge said...

Ggood thing I didn't mention the beard!

Mr E Discharge said...

And Melba, in passing, There also are some people that don't draw an immediate link between "terrorist" and "muslim".

Peace be upon you.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Melbs, if watching the entire series of Aircrash Investigations has taught me anything it's

i) Listen to the safety lecture at the begining very, very carefully and

ii) Make sure you know where the emergency exits are.

Hope this helps.

Mr E Discharge said...

aus·pi·cious
   /ɔˈspɪʃəs/ Show Spelled[aw-spish-uhs] Show IPA
–adjective
1.
promising success; propitious; opportune; favorable: an auspicious occasion.
2.
favored by fortune; prosperous; fortunate.
Use auspicious in a Sentence
See images of auspicious
Search auspicious on the Web
Origin:
1600–10; < L auspici ( um ) auspice + -ous

—Related forms
aus·pi·cious·ly, adverb
aus·pi·cious·ness, noun
un·aus·pi·cious, adjective
un·aus·pi·cious·ly, adverb

Melba, If your reference was to September 11, I'd maybe try a different adjective.

Melba said...

I was being "funny" through the use of sarcasm.

Didn't laugh?

I usually call people out for their intolerant views, and yes, even when they are "joking." I do it face to face so of course I'm going to do it more when it's anonymous like this.

And thanks Ramon, just for mentioning that show. I didn't use to be a nervous flyer.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Piff-paff Melbs.

Airlines are safer than they've ever been.

Mr E Discharge said...

Much safer than tall buildings!

squib said...

Melba, get hold of a heap of Ativan and you'll be just fine

There was a special on how to survive a plane crash. I watched it very carefully. One good tip is, if the plane is crashing into the sea, and you have put on your floaty thing, you should not pull the inflate cord until after you have got out of the plane

As for McDonalds, I went to the Drive Through a couple of years ago and tried to place an order at the spot where you collect your order and then I couldn't reverse my car to place the order and I had to park up and go in on foot

Melba said...

Now you people are just playing with me.

STOP TALKING ABOUT PLANE CRASHES.

Although if we talk about it enough, it won't happen.

I don't know what Ativan is but I do know what champagne is.

Fad MD said...

Planes have free alcamhol and experience has told me that's the best way to deal with pretty much anything.

Boogeyman said...

Jamie, I'm betting you also go into McDonalds at 11am and ask for the breakfast menu...

Alex said...

Planes have free alcamhol and experience has told me that's the best way to deal with pretty much anything.

Except a drinking problem, apparently.

I have no advice about overcoming nervousness on planes. I don't fly nearly enough for it to be a problem for me. Sorry.

As for Maccas, about the only time I go is when I visit my brother and his kids. Of course, they're not at all interested in the food; just the wonderful play equipment.

And, while I do ask for "chips" or "biscuits"* when ordering, I don't do it specifically to torment the staff. Some time spent living with a long-term Hungry Jacks employee has convinced me that those poor bastards suffer enough.

*I'm going to have to be extra careful not to ask for dick-biscuits next time I'm in there - thank you very much Ramon."

patchouligirl said...

If you're tired of Maccas you could try an angry Kevin burger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hApCBfB-nng

Dr. Golf said...

Ramon, being a Russian history nerd you might enjoy this photo colection, amazingly taken in colour a century ago.

Dr. Golf said...

Melba you're more likely to be killed on the way to the airport.

You're also more likely to be killed by a donkey.

Riding a donkey to the airport is not recommended.

Melba said...

Thanks Dr Golf.

I wish I'd never said anything now.

I blame Mr E for provoking me.

Mr E Discharge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wari lasi said...

At the McDonalds in Hong Kong Airport (either that or Changi, I can't remember) you could swap the normal drink (you know in those combo thingies) for a beer for 2 bucks or something. It surprised me because it was the first time I'd seen alcohol in McDonalds.

And my daughter (the older one, not Emma) used to work at McDonalds in Kenmore and she's not stupid. But she really hated working there.

And (is it bad to start sentences with "and"?) there are no McDonalds in PNG. So we almost invariably have that, or KFC or Hungry Jacks as soon as we arrive in Oz. And (there I go again) I usually regret it. It's too soft so I eat it too quickly and it gives me a belly ache.

wari lasi said...

Ramon. I'm for a fresh election. These independents have gotten so bloody full of themselves. Katter seems to have gone completely fucking mad. If there's a new election I bet nobody votes for the idiots and we might wind up with a government with an actual mandate.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Possibly, but we can't have a fresh election just yet, Wari.

The proceedure is that Jules, as the incumbent PM, would go to the Governor-General and advise that either she could form a government or the G-G should approach Mr Rabbit and see if he could.

Either way, the Parliament has to meet and have the numbers tested on the floor of the House.

Depending on what happens then, The Governor-General could - possibly - issue the writs for a new election.

And do you think I can find any constiutional deadlock poetry for PSF?

Can I bollocks!

wari lasi said...

Copy that.

And PSF? You must have some 1975 stuff around Ramon.

Alex said...

When I went to school Wari, I learned that you should never ever have an "and" or a "but" at the start of a sentence; but later, a university lecturer, who taught grammar, told me that that was bullshit and it was much more important to not let your sentences ramble on and on and jump from one thought to another and that's the advice that I've always lived by - so make of that what you will.

Also, I know I'm not as experienced (or jaded) as some of the people here, but I've really started to warm to the current political situation. All this talk of parliamentary reform might just be pie-in-the-sky that ends up in tears and pork-barrelling scandal - but for the moment, I've got little stars in my eyes.

Oh, and nice link, Mr E. Not sure why you removed it.

Alex said...

Oh wait, I got that completely ballsed up. "Nice link" goes to Dr G, who didn't remove anything. Mr E, as someone with a little knowledge of adult videos, I'm thinking that A & C are probably both terms associated with coprophilia.

Also, while I agree that Bob Katter is a raving lunatic, I'm not particularly appreciative of the manner in which a few commentators seem to have adopted a mentality of: "I neither understand nor am interested in any rural issues; therefore, they all must be beneath the realm of serious political concern and deserving of nothing more than scorn and ridicule". I find it a bit disappointing, actually.

eat my shorts said...

When I went to school Wari, I learned that you should never ever have an "and" or a "but" at the start of a sentence; but later, a university lecturer, who taught grammar, told me that that was bullshit and it was much more important to not let your sentences ramble on and on and jump from one thought to another and that's the advice that I've always lived by - so make of that what you will.

Same.

But, when I've got my teaching hat on, I tend to tell the kids not to start a sentence with 'and' if they are writing in a formal situation. That's what I've been told to tell them, so that's what I tell them.

Personally, if I'm writing formally, I try not to do it, but when I'm writing informally, I do it heaps.

Also, I know I'm not as experienced (or jaded) as some of the people here, but I've really started to warm to the current political situation. All this talk of parliamentary reform might just be pie-in-the-sky that ends up in tears and pork-barrelling scandal - but for the moment, I've got little stars in my eyes.

See now, I normally would feel the same as you Alex, but what happened over here was that they talked about parliamentary reform in direct aftermath of the UK hung election, but now, no-one seems to be talking about it at all. It seems like it's off the agenda a bit.

patchouligirl said...

Yes, thanks for the link Dr Golf, I've been sharing it with friends and they are amazed.

wari lasi said...

Thanks Alex and EMS.

I recall being told it was wrong, but then they talk about "common usage" making everything ok. Which I don't think I agree with. Without structure the language is doomed. Take "SMS speak" for instance, it's definitely common, but makes me cringe.

Alex my problem with the current situation is that these blokes (pity there isn't a woman there) are already carrying on as if they won the election and have a mandate to push through their own petty agendas. Whilst I admire Katter's advocacy for the bush, he seems driven by revenge. It's beyond passionate.

Alex said...

Take "SMS speak"

Nah, you can keep it. Full support on the "txt h8" here, Wari.

Whilst I admire Katter's advocacy for the bush, he seems driven by revenge. It's beyond passionate.

Yeah, I really wasn't trying to paint Katter as an outstanding representative of country Australia. The point I was going for was more along the lines of: even when worthless politicians give worthless opinions on rural issues *cough*Barnaby*cough*Joyce*cough*, people shouldn't assume that the issues themselves are worthless.

my problem with the current situation is that these blokes [...] are already carrying on as if they won the election and have a mandate to push through their own petty agendas.

I see your point, but at this stage I'm willing to go along with it, provided they can do (what is in my mind) more good than harm**. Don't get me wrong, I'm not singing their praises just yet. Even I can see that Katter is way too volatile to be let loose around anything that we don't have at least two of, and I haven't made up my mind about the others yet.

**EMS, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that since these guys are on their own, they won't get seduced by the idea of being "the party in power"; and maybe, just maybe, they won't go quiet on parliamentary reform when the first casks of swine flesh come tumbling their way.

Mr E Discharge said...

Even I can see that Katter is way too volatile to be let loose around anything that we don't have at least two of,

Alex,
Such a good line, I am sooo going to use that! Merci.

This whole Katter thing got me thinking. I could not think of anything the Katter has actually done to materially alter the plight of our rural brethren, apart from calling for a ban on the import of Bananas.

So I went to the source of all knowledge. The Google. The main term used is "colourful". It seems that most of Bob Katters notoriety derives from just being Bob Katter. In several decades in politics, aside from actually being Bob Katter, he seems to have done fuck all else.

In Canberra being "colourful" isn't all that difficult. As Keating pointed out with reference to John Howard, "If it weren't for his Varicose Veins, the man would have no colour at all". If "Medium Beige" is a colour, then yes, Katter is full of it.

The Google did shed some light on the charactor of the man, by way of his voting record and public utterances.

Taken as a whole,they would suggest that he is:

Uneducated.
Incurious.
A devout Catholic.
Racist.
Xenophobic.
Homophobic.
Misogynistic.
A cunt.

All of which would be fine while he
was a back bencher representing nowhere in particular, whose opinion is only sought on the slowest of news days,and then only when the media need to get a comment that "Sounds like something Bob Katter might say", to give the piece "colour".

Putting this man in a position where he can directly influence policies and outcomes is a whole other thing.

wari lasi said...

Putting this man in a position where he can directly influence policies and outcomes is a whole other thing.

Well put Mr E. I think that's what I was trying to say.

Let's face it. What we need from them as a group is to provide stability. I don't think (as a group, but certainly individually) that they can be trusted to do that. Not by a long shot.

I somehow doubt Ms Bryce will see it that way though. It's a big call to send the country back to the polls.

patchouligirl said...

It's a big call to send the country back to the polls.

What's the likelihood and what would happen if they got the same result a second time? Would many people vote differently a second time?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Interesting question Patchie.

There some speculation that the Mad Monk is going to let Labor form a minority government and then make parliament unworkable to force an early election which he thinks the coalition will win.

Of course, you'd have to be a dead certain dickhead to do...

Oh, wait a bit.

Mr E Discharge said...

Ramon,
Does the GG still have the powers to disolve Parliament ala 75?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

She does Mr E, but convention states she should call upon the Prime Minister then leader of the opposition to see if they can form a government first.

wari lasi said...

I'm no constitutional expert Ramon but does she have to be of the opinion that they can form a "stable" government? That meaning that they have a solid guarantee of support of enough independents to be able to get important legislation up? Like budgets for instance?

patchouligirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
patchouligirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
patchouligirl said...

If we go back to the polls and get the same result they'll have to change the system, which is what they are talking about doing anyway.

Not that they'd need to in my electorate - Greg Combet was such a foregone conclusion his entire campaign consisted of a single poster on the side of the road at Morisset.

Lewd Bob said...

Outstanding link Dr Golf, outstanding. I stand amazed. If it's possible to stand while reclining.