Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Tribute to Johannes Kepler - Not a Cunt

"I'm going to tell Galileo about this...as soon as I finish my special fried rice."


A day is the time it takes the Earth to complete one revolution on its axis. A year is the time it takes the Earth to complete one circuit of the sun. There are approximately 365 days in each year. More accurately there are 365 and a quarter days. That's why we have a leap year every four years, to catch up to the antics of the cosmos. However that's a slight over-compensation so every hundred years, despite it being a 'fourth' year, there is no leap year. This, however, is a slight under-compensation, so every four hundredth year, despite it being a 'hundredth' year, is a leap year.

So 1900 was not a leap year, but 2000 was.

I dunno who made the definitive decision that the Earth year is exactly 365.2425 days long, but I'm certain that figure would not have been arrived at if not for my favourite mathematician/astronomer Johannes Kepler, who described elliptical orbits and was not a cunt.

And it's a proven fact* that anybody, including Jonathan Coleman, born on 29 February is a cunt.


What, me worry?


Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal is also not a cunt, but he most certainly is bizarre. This video is rated PNFK (Probably Not For Kids):



* Possibly not a fact.

49 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That gives me an idea for lunch, Bob.

squib said...

This is a cool post because it mentions Galileo. Also, I think you should get a segue trophy, Lewd

Alex said...

I have no idea who Jonathan Coleman is, but that photo looks like Daryl Summers with lymphatic problems.

Melba said...

Oh my, I got a package today with TWO MIX TAPES (including the one from little squib's Narnia winter party???!!!) AND a bah-humbug button AND two hair buttons AND a letter from squib's dog.

It is all truly awesome and I feel awkward about the lame Chrissy card I'll send back, which will probably turn out to be a New Year's Card.

Squib, you are ace.

Alex said...

If that doesn't make for the greatest Christmas ever, I don't know what does.

Lewd Bob said...

I just received a squib mixtape too! And a bah humbug! Squib, you're first on the list for Lewd Bob's mixtape...actually, equal with Kettle and a few others if they want one.

Thank you.

squib said...

You are both very welcome. I gave the 2010 mixtape to a friend today and she said, 'Oh, that song, my 9 year old loves that'. Which deflated me a bit

Alex said...

All this mystery is torturous. Can I at least request a track listing, please?

Also, what did Squib's dog have to say, Melba? Or is that sort of private?

Melba said...

No hair buttons Bob? Denied, while my collection grows.

Alex, just family update stuff, you know, he's cool like that. He's a very good speller too and also writes poetry. Quelle famille!

Alex said...

So much for cats being smarter, eh? I swear, that entire family sounds awesome. I think EMS is onto something.

Melba said...

I don't think I said thank you properly, squib.

Thank you!

Is your Christmas tree up? I bet it's better than anyone else's.

I believe my kids have all reached the 'meh' age. Last year, they all put it up. This year we got the boxes in from the garage and there they sit, waiting. I'll prob have to do it.

Not the same.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Don't feel bad, Bob.

I didn't get a hair button either.

Which maybe due to me not having that much hair.

squib said...

Alex, sorry, didn't mean to leave you out. I only sent stuff to 3 TSFKAers (the other being Kettle). I'd burn you another one but a) my computer keeps crashing and I am about to get a new one which is a right pain in the arse b) my HP printer has run out of magenta and c)I have run out of cds because I had to bin a whole bunch due to my computer crashing mid-burn on the last batch. The playlist is:

Colours - Grouplove
What's in it For Me - Avi Buffalo
Wait for Me - Moby
Seatalk - Zola Jesus
Solitude is Bliss - Tame Impala
Pumped Up Kicks - Foster the People
We're Mostly Made of Water - Kid Sam
Second Floor - Freelance Whales
Airplanes - Local Natives
Hoola - Archie Bronson Mix
Ready to Start - Arcade Fire
Best Friend - The Drums
The Answer - Unkle
When I'm With You - Best Coast
Bushwick Blues - Delta Spirit
Talking Like I'm Falling Down - Sparkadia
Electronic Bells - I Dream in Transit

Melba, well of course my tree is excellent - it's made out of cane and all. It looks like a rocket ship

BigSquib was whingeing something chronic about helping her little sister decorate it this year. "Oh my God, there are like thousands of decorations. It's such a trek!'

I'm pretty reasonable so I said, 'If you don't decorate the tree, you're not getting any presents.'

Puss In Boots said...

I hate that Foster the People song. And I always wondered what one sounds like if they're talking like they're falling down stairs.

At least you don't have that horrible Kid Cudi song, "All Summer." I had that stuck in my head for about 2 days. Ugh.

Otherwise, an excellent mixtape, Squib!

Kettle said...

Squibeline! I just picked up my parcel from the post office! Thank you very much. What a fabulous bag of Christmas goodies and various humbugs. I actually flapped my hands in excitement (ah, yep) when I saw the hair buttons. You know last year's buttons gave up their elasticity just last week.

And the mix tapes - brill.

AND Pablo's Haiku - wow, what a profound piece. If only MrSquib would spend a few Saturday mornings at home talking poetry with Pablo then he too might have a poem published next year.

Thanks Squib xx

Hey, are you still selling hair buttons on Etsy?

Kettle said...

I didn't get a hair button either.

Ramon, not just one hair button, but two hair buttons. One for each of your pony tails.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Kettle, you seem to have confused me with Marieke Hardy.

Kettle said...

No no, I was thinking of Martov. He had ponytails for sure; you just can't see them because they're hidden under his hat.

Melba said...

My old (2009 release) hair button elastic is still going fine, and I have industrial strength hair.

Fits would love the hair buttons but she's not gettin' any. Nyah nyah.

squib said...

Puss, funny you should say that cos Foster the People is the one my friend's 9 year old likes. I am sooooo uncool

Kettle, my hair buttons never give up their elasticity! What on earth were you doing to them? Do you know how many hair elastics I tested to find the perfect ones on the stretchiness and strength scale? No, I was selling them on madeit.com but it was too much hassle for too little return

Speaking of Marieke, just watched FTBC on iview. Twas a good episode. Especially loved Jason and his fish. Is that a new tattoo? I've never noticed it before

Kettle said...

Kettle, my hair buttons never give up their elasticity! What on earth were you doing to them?

I was going to say I don't do anything to them, but on reflection perhaps I do give hairbands a difficult life?

I take a hairband with me everywhere, as most people might take their keys or wear underpants. If they (the hairbands, not my undies) aren't in my hair they're on my wrist. In my year 10 formal photos, with the faff and taffeta and all that crap, you can see the hairband on my wrist. Classy.

And since your hair buttons also double as awesome-looking bangles, well, how can I be blamed for wearing one out over the course of a year.

Really, how can I be?

[Perhaps I should order some from you now, just to make sure I never lose hairband structural integrity again. How much for 20? Or 30? Thirty might be best.]

Apologies to everyone not in the least interested in hairbands.

WitchOne said...

It's THAT time of year again! I still play Lewd Bobs best of 2009 so if a twennyten update is available, could I please put my hand up for one?

Hair buttons? Crap Squib, is there anything you can't do? May I place an order? Happy to pay as I have been absent from here lately and that lessens my ability to demand free stuff, even more so when all I can do in return is cook and that doesn't post so well.

Only need about 10 really cool hairbuttons though, Lia has very fine hair not yet ready for anything not a clip yet and my hair is only just long enough to be tied back.

Alex said...

'sall cool, Squib. I don't have any use for hair buttons. I keep it too short these days (though not quite as short as when I went through my "Ripley" phase). On the other hand, thanks to this play-list, it's only taken ten minutes on Grooveshark and I've already got my own copy of your super-awesome mix-tape (I've never heard any of these songs), but without the time and expense of disk burning and postage (which would be too much for me to ask, anyway). But on the subject of computers, if I was going to be anywhere within a thousand miles of Freo over Chrissy, I'd drop you off a decent one, since I've got more of them here than I know what to do with. Of course, it would all be a ruse to get into your house so I could meet your dog and look at your tree and maybe play in the boat in the backyard.

Speaking of Marieke, just watched FTBC on iview.

Oh bollocks. Was that the thing I was supposed to review for EMS?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

No, no Alex.

The thing you're supposed to be reviewing is called Laid- which hasn't appeared yet.

Marieke has tatts?

*sigh*

What a walking cliche she is.

squib said...

I love the way you guys are placing massive orders when you don't even know the price! That's so sweet

They used to retail for $16.50 a pair. Seriously. And I can't possibly charge you for them, not even for the material cost

Alex, thanks. This new hard drive seems ok and windows 7 is very fast. Just painful reinstalling things and trying to find license keys and old software. I'm trying to convince Mr.Squib that I need a darth vader usb hub even though, looking at my desk, there's no room for it

Has no one watched FTBC?!

Puss In Boots said...

No, squib. I steer clear of anything Marieke is in. She makes me stabby. I just want to cut her stupid pigtails off.

Alex said...

I don't even know what that initialism represents, Squib.

And Windows 7, eh? What version did you get?

squib said...

Puss, oh no, she's fazzo, hair included

Alex, First Tuesday Book Club. One of the regular guests if Marieke Hardy. She is often hated because her grandfather was famous and because she's talented and funny and pretty and she wears flowers in her hair. That never goes down well in Australia

Mad Cat Lady said...

All their faces at mention of Jason's Fish - so funny.

It looked like a gorgeous book. I felt tingles of avarcie looking at it and I don't even like eating fish, let alone fishing.

squib said...

AND he paints them under the water. Incredible! I want. I want

Puss In Boots said...

She is often hated because her grandfather was famous and because she's talented and funny and pretty and she wears flowers in her hair.

I think you meant to say untalented, unfunny, and odd-looking, squib. But you were right about the flowers.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That never goes down well in Australia

Certainly doesn't go down well with Puss, that's for sure.

Alex said...

She is often hated because her grandfather was famous and because she's talented and funny and pretty and she wears flowers in her hair. That never goes down well in Australia

I'll say. I don't know anything about her and I hate her already. Slag!*

Kettle said...

Alex we're missing your * after Slag!*.

Alex said...

Kettle, I was going to add to Puss' comment about Marieke being "odd-looking" (the one thing about her I can comment on*), but deleted it because I thought it was too mean and in all non-joking seriousness, I think she looks fine. Unfortunately, I forgot to delete the "*".

*Maybe not a comment, but here's a question: Why does ABC current-affairs-panel-chat-show-thing "The Drum" use Marieke's face so prominently in their promos despite the fact that she's never been on the show and doesn't even really contribute anything of any great significance to the website?

Lewd Bob said...

windows 7

Get a Mac.

odd looking

If I said that I'd be accused of being a cave-dweller.

Anyway, I have to go now: I have to go and spit ochre all over my hand.

Alex said...

Get a Mac.

Cue another caning from Puss.

Personally, I would have said, be adventurous - go open source.

Kettle said...

Alex I haven't read much of The Drum website but it looks like Marieke writes something once a week. Not that quantity makes someone significant but may justify the inclusion of her profile shot if she's a regular contributor?

I'm really not sure why Marieke inspires such dislike. She's certainly not hurting anyone in the same way that Pierce Ackerman or Andrew Bolt do. If anything, I would have thought TSFKAers would have plenty of things in common with her, like leftist leanings, an interest in politics, a nose perennially planted in a book, a penchant for beer, music, dogs, social commentary, etc.

And anyway, who cares about her hair, or her tatts? I'd hate to be dismissed just because you saw me with a banana clip in my hair, say.

On the other hand, if you see me out wearing one of Squib's hair buttons you're more than welcome to offer me a job with some big Australian news outlet where I can gadabout (can that be a verb?) writing about my leftist leanings, political views, books I've read, music, beer, dogs I like, etc.

Alex said...

I'm really not sure why Marieke inspires such dislike.

From what I've gathered from reading this site and its predecessors, a lot of it stems from her time as a radio personality. I think Skeletor or somebody also had an argument about her being "looked after" by the ABC, despite having produced nothing to deserve such favourable treatment. Maybe Ramon can elaborate.

who cares about her hair, or her tatts? I'd hate to be dismissed...

Yeah. Hence my non-comment.

may justify the inclusion of her profile shot if she's a regular contributor?

While I'd call what she writes comparatively lightweight, yes, I think her pic on the website is completely legitimate. What baffles me is her full-screen web-cammed mug featuring more prominently than anyone else's in the ads, intro and commercial transition for a TV show that she's never appeared on*. Before the first episode aired, I fully expected her to host the bloody thing.

* It's entirely possible that this decision has nothing to do with Marieke herself, but I'd still like to know the reasoning.

Alex said...

And speaking of the ABC: No more Kerry O'Brien political interviews. Awwww...

Puss In Boots said...

I don't dislike her because she's odd-looking (in my opinion). I was just refuting Squib's statement. However, I don't actually care what she looks like, or how many tattoos she has (although as Ramon mentioned, she appears to be a walking cliche most of the time).

I dislike her because she's not funny, not talented, and seems to get practically a free-ride wherever she goes, and I can only put that down to having a well-known grandfather, and parents in the business. I'm not sure there are many people in that industry that have so many failures, and *still* have money thrown at them to write another TV show, when all of their previous efforts have been steaming piles.

Melba said...

I loved her blog and will admit to being one of her sycophants before it shut down and I segued into place over here.

Ironic.

I lurked and watched the hatchetings on the blog before this one, the character assassinations and the fab Desci Neighbours wrap ups. Now I don't miss Fits at all, this is a much better place to be. I enjoyed her blog before she had her face/words everywhere; once that started to happen she lost her edge, and while I had started to tire of her boots, I think the enmity is really just sour grapes. Perseus usually steps in and defends her too, but he's gone AWOL.

May I say thank you to everyone who made me feel welcome here. I do remember begging people to not be mean to me, but the mean people seem to have left. So thank you for the courtesy of letting an ex-Marieke fan-girl play.

Alex said...

So thank you for the courtesy of letting an ex-Marieke fan-girl play.

At this point, I'd wager most everyone's pretty darn happy you stayed.

Maybe my memory's not what it was, but didn't Atari do the Neighbours wrap-ups?

Melba said...

Was it Atari? Didn't Desci do something? I thought it was the Neighbours thing but can't be sure.

Thanks for saying nice things Alex.

Lewd Bob said...

For the record, I have no objection to her because I've very rarely read her stuff. It's possible I've criticized a specific article, but I don't think (but I'm willing to accept I'm wrong) that I have dissed her out.

Praps I should review my old posts...nah, fuck it.

Alex said...

I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was true, Melba.

Do any of the other old-timers remember who did the Neighbours recaps? And if it was Atari, what recurring bit did Desci do?

Lewd Bob said...

Squib, I've listened to your mixtape 3 times and, let me say, it is ACE. Very much up my alley...as it were (insert Hey Hey It's Saturday-style 'boing' noises).

How good is Colours? Great way to kick things orf. Local Natives' song Airplanes is also my favourite from that album.

Thank you.

Puss In Boots said...

There were a few people who did the Neighbours recaps. They did it in turns so no one had to spend too much of their life watching Neighbours. Both Atari and Desci did recaps, and I'm sure there was at least one other person.

squib said...

Lewd, I'm so glad it's ok. I haven't been keeping up with music so much this year