Wednesday, December 15, 2010

You Want What?

You don't need a rice cooker. Dude, use the saucepan.

Well, it's almost Christmas. I don't believe in God and, by extension, I don't believe some guy called Jesus was his son (or brother, nephew or any other relation). Nevertheless I celebrate Christmas and give in to the commercialism of gift giving. Of course, we could all decide to stop giving presents and just buy ourselves something that we actually want. But the mere suggestion would probably make me a Scrooge.

There's something noble about the ever revolving wheels of commerce, at least when it relates to the supply of and demand for stuff we actually need, but the concept of buying shit that nobody needs kind of reeks of ignobility. Yet we all do it, for ourselves and for others.

Perhaps we should return to a pure, subsistence lifestyle. Just grow the food we need, build our houses out of sticks and occasionally milk a goat. Live off the land.

Yes, let's do that. Who's in?


Ramon Insertnamehere said...

But where will the beer come from?

Lewd Bob said...

The land, Ramon, the land!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What, we have to make our own beer?!

Sod that!

squib said...

I will make salt and vinegar crisps. Wait, where does vinegar come from?

Will the internet be a lot slower?

Mr E Discharge said...

Bob, Any truth to the rumour that you've found part time employment at the Nimbin branch of L.J Hooker?

Kettle said...

Bob a friend and I have been having a similar conversation lately. We reckon it's do-able, the whole self-sustaining living thing. As soon as we find five hectares for sale just a few kilometres from the city centre for less than our combined savings ($712) we'll be there.

We're doing a few 'thank you for your help this year' pressies but not 'Christmas' presents (and the present I just posted to Squib today is more a 'hurray you're a poet!' present).

Lewd Bob said...


salt and vinegar crisps

five hectares for sale just a few kilometres from the city centre for less than our combined savings ($712)

part time employment at the Nimbin branch of L.J Hooker

Somewhere in here lies the answer to the meaning of life.

patchouligirl said...

Christmas for me has always been to celebrate the end of the year, a well earned holiday and time with those we love. I don't think you have to believe in God to enjoy the carols we grew up with, and our ancestors knew - they are ours to enjoy, as is the tradition of a Xmas tree and I always have a tree and always go to carols by candlelight because I like them both so much. Presents are restricted mainly to the children in our family although we always get our parents a small gift too.

Anonymous said...

Ha, I thought you had this stuff in you, Bob. A few days cut of by flooding without hot water and you've got a taste for it, eh? As for me, I've had my fill of living off the land. Civilisation will do me just fine, thank you.

As for Christmas, I've quite grown to love it. Mostly because of the weather. allergy season is over, and there's nothing like going outside on a cool (compared to the day) summer night to listen to the wildlife and smell the moisture on the breeze. I also get a measure of satisfaction when I see plastic snowmen wilting in the heat.

As for presents, the tradition in our family is that you stop getting them once you turn 21. Well, sort of. I mean, we still buy things for each other when there's something that somebody wants or needs. It just stops having anything to do with Christmas/birthdays. Anyway, it works pretty well for us, and I'd recommend you discuss it with your family if you're feeling like the whole exercise is becoming a bit of a wank.

AND, as for the NSW electricity sell off, I saw Eric Roozendaal today, desperately trying to make the point that the NSW public will never again have to pay for the construction of a power station. Can somebody explain this to me? Won't the cost of building new power stations still have to be passed on to consumers through price increases? The only way I can see to get around that one is to find five hectares somewhere and try to live a self-sustained life without electric... Oh, wait, I get it now, Kettle.

Melba said...

"And I'll knit me own yoggert."

Anyone who can pick where that is from gets a prize.*

I heard a story about the sister of my mother's friend who joined a NSW commune back in the '70s. To buy in, everyone had to contribute several tens of thousands of dollars. Everyone was hippie and relaxed. It went well for a couple of years, then when this couple wanted out, they had to attend a board meeting to discuss withdrawal. They turned up and women who'd formerly worn caftans and tie-die were in twinsets and pearls, the men in suits and ties and with lawyers, all sitting around the big table. So unless we can write in a clause preventing that, I'm not interested.

*Not definitely, but maybe.

patchouligirl said...

I was appalled by the announcement of this NSW asset sell off to overseas (Chinese) investors so close to the election, for reportedly half of what they are worth. 11 energy company directors quit in protest over it on Tuesday night. I don't think we've heard the last of this.

Eraring power station is only 5kms down the road from where I live. We actually have another disused power station at Wangi, a few hundred meters from my house. It's massive - apparently the largest brick structure in the southern hemisphere, but has been disused for years while council bickers over whether to allow developers to turn it into a resort and shops.

Lewd Bob said...

"And I'll knit me own yoggert."

The Fifth Earl of Sandwich.

WitchOne said...

Bugger the beer, I absolutely refuse to make my own Jack Daniels.

I haven't figured out the recipe!

WitchOne said...

Oh, by the way, I love Christmas, it means my birthday is close and I celebrate that for a month! January is MINE!!!!!!


Where's Pers? I miss you Pers.

TubularBells said...

Living off the land involves quite a bit of eating the same two vegetables every night desperately hanging out for the next crop to start. At the moment in our household, it is lettuce, oh so much lettuce - but nothing else to go with it. On the other hand, we currently have epic quantities of garlic, so if there is a plaque of vampires any time soon, we are set.

Also, caterpillers. Living off the land involves a lot of caterpillers.

Melba said...

No Bob, not even close.

Anyone else?

And yes where is Perseus? I miss him too. But at least we have Bob back. And Ramon never went away. Yay.

Kettle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eat my shorts said...

Just grow the food we need, build our houses out of sticks and occasionally milk a goat. Live off the land.

Can we swap the goat for a cow? Cows aren't as grumpy as goats. Makes for easier milking.

As soon as we find five hectares for sale just a few kilometres from the city centre for less than our combined savings ($712) we'll be there.

Can I come? I'll bring the milking cow. Don't ask how, I have secret dairy connections you know.

squib said...

Never mind Perseus, whatever happened to Boogey?

Melba said...

squib you can say nevermind Perseus because you have (I suspect) insider information.

I hadn't noticed boogeyman wasn't around, but now I do and I miss him too.

If I had the time I'd go back through posts and find the last time either were commenting. For P Esq I suspect it was when we were talking about flotillae (back in June) - I did go and look it up. And the Elvis Costello thing of May.

And the 'knit me on yogurt' was Alexi Sayle's rant about Stoke-Newington on the fabulous LP 'The Secret Policeman's Other Ball'

wari lasi said...

Wow, was it May the last time Perseus posted? My, how time flies.

Mr E Discharge said...

Wow, was it May the last time Perseus posted?

That sounds about right, Perseus was last seen heading South on Ballarat Street Yarraville one morning in late May enroute to meet Ponygirl.

He did post the next day, then nothing. I think we should bring Ponygirl in for questioning.

Although, like Melba, I too suspect that Squib has some involvement in the disappearance.

squib said...

Oh alright, alright, I said I wouldn't tell but here it goes. He fell in love with a trapeze artist and ran off with the Moscow Circus

Truthfully though, I sent him two emails and he didn't reply

Boogey disappeared around the same time. Maybe they were the same person?

Mr E Discharge said...

Methinks the lady protests too much.

Lewd Bob said...

Perseus and Boogey are indeed the same person.

They got sick of arguing with himself so went to live off the land with each other.

Melba said...

Well Bob you know him (P) for real so you would know but you aren't saying anything and I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE KEEP SECRETS FROM ME.

I hope he's ok, that's all. No that's not all, I want to know what he's doing and why he's dropped us.

eat my shorts said...

Have Perseus and Boogeyman broken up with us? D'you think they're seeing other blogs behind our backs?

WitchOne said...

Pers and Boogey will be back. Not that I know for sure or anything but I suspect our scintillating company will be enough to tempt them at some point in their lives.

Maybe when one wants some love and the other wants a bitch fight.

Lewd Bob said...

Sorry Melba, just saw your comment - Perseus is fine. As for any other information, I'm not keeping secrets, it's just not for me to say.