Tuesday, March 1, 2011

10 Things Most People Like But Are Actually Shit

You think I give a fuck?

1. Soccer. (Yes, there really aren't enough goals scored.)
2. Google Maps. (Oh boy are those directions and timings SHIT or what?)
3. Grinderman. ("You can't criticise Nick Cave!" "Yes I fucking well can. Grinderman are shit.")
4. Meryl Streep. (You're shit!)
5. PCs/Windows/Microsoft. (Would you be happy if your car broke down EVERY day? Microsoft are SHIT!)
6. Facebook. (The MOST user-unfriendly major website around. And I DON'T CARE what you're doing/where you're going/what you're thinking - cos it's usually so fucking vacuous it hurts to read it!)
7. Twitter. (Even shitter than Facebook!)
8. Vietnam. (It's the worst place I've ever been!)
9. BMWs. (there is no real difference between a BMW X5 and a Ford Territory - other than the $80,000 discrepancy.)
10. Natural Therapies. (They might be natural but they don't fucken work!)
11. Stephen Kernahan.


ToneMasterTone said...

Obviously you haven't been to Jakarta.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Nick Cave still rocks.

But yes, Grinderman sort of sucks dingo balls.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh and Julian Assange seems to be getting stranger and stranger.

squib said...

1. I like soccer. Soccer players is hawt

2. I use Google Maps all the time. They are ace

3. I agree

4. She hasn't been in a movie for 100 years. You sure know how to hold a grudge

5. PCs rule. BigSquib has a Mac and it is always broken and it reminds me of a French car engine because everything is deliberately in the wrong place

6. I love being vacuous and therefore I like FB

7. I've never tried it but 'Twitter. Even shitter' is very good and you should be a copywriter

8. You have never been to Ceduna

9. BMW drivers are hugely shit

10. I agree

11. I have no idea who this is

wari lasi said...

1. Soccer. You're right about the number of goals but sometimes you see a goal that is so much better than every try you've ever seen and you know which is really the superior game. Did you see Wayne Rooney's goal recently? Unbelievable.

2. Google Maps. Doesn't do Moresby. I use C Map on the chart plotter to help me find where the marina is to park the boat.

3. Grinderman. I like music but I never know who's singing what. Sorry.

4. Meryl Streep. What Squib said.

5. PCs/Windows/Microsoft. Ha ha. How would we all know each other without PC's? It's easy to hate MS but standardisation is what makes it work.

6. Facebook. I'm almost over it. But I now keep in touch with relatives I hadn't spoken to in ages. And Witchie of course.

7. Twitter. Don't do Twitter, but thinking about it now so I can follow Charlie Sheen. Fuck, isn't that bizarre?

8. Vietnam. Pretty wild there in the 60s and 70s. America went there for a party and trashed the joint. And took home 55,000 dead bodies. Fuckwits.

9. BMWs. There is a huge difference between a BMW and a Ford. I owned a 323i for ten years and it was the best car I've ever driven. Ever. And I'm an old guy remember.

10. Natural Therapies. With you all the way there. But Melba will get cross I think.

11. Stephen Kernahan. What's your problem with him? Or do you just hate the blues?

wari lasi said...

Sorry for the dodgy apostrophe at No. 5

Melba said...

I love the way I am now some sort of poster child for natural therapies when I don't even use them.

The smear began when I took on Bob/Perseus Q/Ramon? more for fun than anything else, not because I am an advocate of them. So can we get past it?

Oh and I like The Streep and Nick Cave but have no strong opinions on most of the other things on the list.

Anonymous said...

I see blogger has eaten the eleven point comment I left yesterday.

You have never been to Ceduna

Dunno about the worst place in the world, but I did get robbed there.

squib said...

In Ceduna, Alex? Same here

Melbs, we all know you lurve that crystal colour herbal power wristband stuff

Anonymous said...

1) Soccer, footy, cricket, golf, tennis.... It's all just watchin' people chase a ball around a paddock, isn't it?
2) Yes, the timings and directions are shit and will be until they can intelligently incorporate weather, terrain and traffic data. But I find the maps themselves, (especially with street view) pretty handy for finding my way around.
3) What?
4) I remember seeing her in Out Of Africa, Kramer Vs Kramer, The Deer Hunter and Death Becomes Her and thinking she wasn't all that bad.
5a) Wait? What? All personal computers are shit? Huh?
5b) What I don't like about Windows is that the lack of source code makes it impossible to critically analyse, modify, improve or tailor the operating system. Same goes for Mac OS. That being said, a lot of the computers I see, "break down" because of third party software and a lack of user knowledge (especially in regard to security). To use your car analogy: It's like fueling up with Dodgy Bob's Home Made Petroleum Products and then complaining to the manufacturer about a lack of performance.
5c) Microsoft Need to cut the shit and stop telling non-techies that their product is simple, secure and flexible. Today's technology simply doesn't allow for all three.
6) It's certainly not for me.
7) Or that. What's the appeal of forced character limits, anyway? If you want short messages, you can produce them just as easily with regular non-micro blogging services.
8) Y'know, my Old Man says exactly the same thing.
9) I don't see the value in prestige vehicles. Unless you have to live in them, I guess. But while we're talking cars:
9a) Electric windows. (How much effort do they actually save? How hard is it to turn a bloody handle? They die quickly if you drive on dirt roads and you can't operate the bastards without the friggin' key)
10) Quite. Well, unless you count the placebo effect.
11) Who?

Anonymous said...

Yep, in Ceduna, Squib. It must be pretty common thereabouts.

Oh, and there's my great big ramble back.

Lewd Bob said...


I love Nick Cave, just not Grinderman.

When I say "PCs" I mean Windows-based systems, which is the industry terminology. They ARE SHIT. Macs are vastly superior, in every way.

Lewd Bob said...

And that was supposed to be a colon, not a semi-colon. Fucken shift key.

Anonymous said...

When I say "PCs" I mean Windows-based systems, which is the industry terminology.

Really? Because around here, it means just about anything that falls between a smartphone and server-class hardware (though you could argue they should be included, too). Doesn't matter if it's running Windows, OS X, RHEL, SUSE, Debian, FreeBSD or Solaris.

Oh, and Wari, standardisation is what makes it all work, but only if the standards are open and free. That is to say, the standard definitions of units such as kilograms or meters are very useful because everyone has access to those definitions and can freely implement them. They would be less useful if they were controlled or kept secret by a single corporate entity with a business agenda. In the IT world, it is important that free and open standards are well maintained and supported so that data can be easily exchanged between devices. In this regard, both Microsoft and Apple have a long history of doing sweet fuck all.

Lewd Bob said...

Ok, maybe not just Windows, but PC is never to be used when referring to a Mac.

Mr E Discharge said...

1: Soccer, in fact any form of Football means that for half a year, Cricket Matches are not televised, and therefore has my full support.

2: Trying shelling out $700 for an Iphone plus another $200 for a Tom-Tom GPS directory App only to find it can't locate it's own position in a building or a car.
Only useful if you"re walking and then only to check if the passer-by who gave you directions was telling the truth.

3: I admire the fact that Nick had the courage to walk away from his career as an Entertainer to focus on "His Art" and his self esteem issues.

4: Met her at a party years ago, lovely person. but as an actor, she leaves me cold.

5: To deny the PC is to deny reality. Check out the selection of movies available on Betamax at your local video store.

6: Agreed.

7: Also agreed.

8: Try spending a week in Houston TX. I dares ya.

9: As an Audi driver, I tend to regard BMW drivers as just being woefully ill-informed.
I have no problem with Ford drivers, providing the pizza is on time and hot.

10: Can anything that kills hippies be a bad thing?

11: Who?

Anonymous said...

Check out the selection of movies available on Betamax at your local video store.

Superior formats often fail to achieve market dominance. Frustrating but true.

PC is never to be used when referring to a Mac

Does this come from the "I'm a Mac and I'm a PC" campaign? It reminds me of blokes who reckon their Harleys aren't just motorbikes.

And speaking of things that are SHIT. How about this Adam Hills show?

Melba said...

Hah squib. Actually I did buy some Himalayan salt lamps last week.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Good Lord Squib, what on earth for?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I mean Melba.

Sorry Squib, didn't mean to imply you're a hippy.

wari lasi said...

but PC is never to be used when referring to a Mac.

Ironic, when Apple basically invented the Personal Computer.

Sorry Melba for the inference that you were an advocate for all that natural therapy stuff.

squib said...

9a) Electric windows. (How much effort do they actually save?

I have an electric back door. I scare people with it by pressing the remote when I'm a fair way from the car. It's like KITT. Kind of. Not really

squib said...

I forgive you, Ramon

Melbs, have they energized you?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

They've certainly energized her salt.

Kettle said...

Ah Grinderman; the music is so much more disappointing given how great the band name is.

Ordinarily I would agree with so many of everyone's gripes but I've been reading James Hamilton-Paterson's Cooking with Fernet Branca this afternoon and laughing my arse off (well off). But as soon as I get stuck watching a nil-all game of soccer/lost again with Google Maps/enough money to make an informed decision between a BMW and anything else I'll pop back and lodge my complaints.

Now, where were things? Ah yes, energising salts.

Melba said...

That's ok wari.

squib, no, but they are pretty.