Thursday, February 12, 2009

God's Priorities


Isn't this great? The return of Netanyahu and his band of right wingers. What I really find disturbing are comments like these:

With God's help, I will lead the next government.

Can't do it alone, pissboy?

Firstly, as we know, God doesn't exist. Secondly, even if he did, he doesn't give a shit now does he? I can just picture Netanyahu's God sitting behind a mahogany desk eating matzos and thinking "I'm going to give Ben a hand with the running of his government. God knows, he can't handle it himself. Let's face it, he's a fuckwit."

The following sportsmen (among many others) have thanked God upon winning a tournament, a game or a match of some sort:


Gary Ablett
Aaron Baddely
Matthew Hayden.

I'm here to tell you boys, God doesn't give a rat's arse about you, you saps.

God:

"Rather than help people avoid starvation, disease, natural disasters, pain, torture and death, I'll give Haydos another hundred. And as for those stupid Victorians who support abortion, I'm going to burn them alive. Now, back to my witty Darwin rebuttal."

50 comments:

Melba said...

In my opinion, Livni was a scary option as well. I don't know much about her policies, but seeing her during press conferences about Gaza; she looked like a hard-faced killer and her answers to questions had absolutely no room for empathy for civilians being killed.

As for the referencing to God at every turn, I can't read condolence messages because every second one talks about God, and it shits me no end.

By the way, I know there's no God as well, but I do love that painting of him.

God, now I'm confused.

Lewd Bob said...

Yeah, religion's greatest contributions to mankind are art, architecture and good stories.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

religion's greatest contributions to mankind are art, architecture and good stories.

And musical theatre.

wari lasi said...

and good stories.

And some not so good. Read much of the old testament Bob?

As Winston Churchill's son once said, "Isn't God a shit!"

And sorry about harking back to the bushfires but before I could switch channels I happened to hear Georgie Gardner proudly declare on the 6:30 news this morning that Australia has now donated more than 5 times as much to the bushfire victims than they did to the tsunami victims.

Now I'm as patriotic as the next guy but let's exptrapolate this.

181 (call it 200) versus 500,000 dead equals 2,500 times as many people killed. Times 5, because we gave 5 times as much, means we care about Australian lives 12,500 times as much as we do humanity at large.

An interesting comment on relative compassion, but not really something to crow about.

Boogeyman said...

And musical theatre.

I thought God abhorred 'musical theatre'.

I mean, look what he did to the Sodomites.

And then there were the Dollarmites - they got completely screwed over too...

Dollarmites 23:15

"And he shall visit upon thy children much woe, by tieing their pocket money up in pitful, low-interest bank deposits. And there shall be much gnashing of teeth, and whines of "Can you buy it for me Daaaddddd???". And the Great Beast will pout and kick his legs and throw a a humungous tanty on the floor.

squib said...

I think you'll find God prefers twisties to matzos

Lewd Bob said...

And some not so good. Read much of the old testament Bob?

By 'good' I mean interesting, imaginative and creative. Not 'kind' or 'nice'.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You're a heretic, Squib.

Is 10AM next Tuesday a good time for your Auto De Fe?

squib said...

Ramon, Tuesday's no good for me

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

OK, I'll have a chat to Pope Benny and get back to you.

Although Ben's a bit busy bringing all the anti-Semites back into the fold, so it might be a while.

Louche said...

Could you please ask to have Miranda Devine smote while you're there?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

OK, on the list of those to be smoten, we have;

Pastor Danny Nalliah,
Arsonists,
Owls,
Squib,
Benjamin Netanyahu,
Owls.

Any others?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh and Miranda Devine.

Obvs.

Perseus said...

I want everyone here to know that the only reason Ramon loves Ratzy/Benny is because he had him in the office sweep.

I remember trivial details like this.

Perseus said...

...or because he's Irish. You can take the boy out of the Catholic Church, but you can't take the Catholic Church out of the boy.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Too right.

I won 50 big ones when Benny got up as Pope.

That's a goodish whack of Coopers

Perseus said...

Getting Ratzy in that sweep would be like getting Makybe Diva in her 2nd Cup. UNBEATABLE.

Hey Catlick... what's Pell's chances of becoming Pope one day? Like, what's the odds? As bad a Pope he may be, I gotta give him some kudos because he barracks for Richmond.

Go Tiges.

Lewd Bob said...

On that basis Perseus, he has very little chance. Perhaps he'll finish 9th.

Perseus said...

Oh haw haw Bob.

You're forgetting colossus himself, the man known as BEN COUSINS.

He'll single-handedly put us as high as 7th. As long as his hamstring holds. Which it won't.

Oh, you're right.

*sobs*

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Any suggestion that that sweep was rigged because I organised it, is a foul lie and a slur on my honour.

Perseus said...

You got Ratter in your own sweep?

I demand a Royal Commission.

WitchOne said...

Not to mention big bucks to all those affected, myself, you Pers? Were you affected? Just say yes.

Perseus said...

Oh, I was effected alright. I lost my libido and all.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I lost my libido and all.

Does Pony Girl know?

Aesophia said...

I read an interview years ago where Bono from U2 was commenting on everyone thanking God at the Oscars (or some award ceremony), he was saying, I'm sure God's up there and saying, oh please, just don't.

More recently in a discussion on the merits of religion, or rather, the lack thereof, it was brought up that if God is all knowing, why do we need to pray to him and ask him to help us? Why do we need to pray to someone who already knows what we need and want? Isn't that a bit like nagging? And then, if we slip up through our lives and Sin* when we get to the Ultimate Interview** he's likely to toss us into hell cos he doesn't like our attitude or something. I know small children with more scope of grey area than the black and white that God seems to practice.

And Melba, I agree, lovely painting :)

Squib, I think you'll find what God likes depends on who's God He is at the time. Your God may very well like Twisties, I'm sure Netanyahu's enjoys His Matzos (although God only knows why).

Ramon, more people for your people to be smoten list:
- All self serving journos too keen on the story, their profile and possible pay increases to offer compassion and privacy to the vicitms of the bushfire.
- Telstra
- All self serving politicians-- wait, that's pretty much all of them... Whatever, I'm happy with that.
I'll think more on this and add more throughout the day.

*Heaven forbid! Mwahahahahah! (sorry, Friday hysterics)

**which in theory goes something like this:
God: "have you been naughty or nice?"
You: "yeah, pretty much"
God: "rightyho then, in you go"
You: "sweet, where's the pub?"
God: "first door on the left... third one on the right... all of the main square is a beer garden... yeah, pretty much anywhere"
You: "awRIGHT!"
Or in Perseus' case:
God: "have you been naughty or nice?"
Pers: "well apparently you're omniscient, so why don't you know?
God: "what? I don't know that! Aaaaarg--"

Lewd Bob said...

Oh my God Aesoph!

You've just brought to my attention that there are contradictions and inconsistencies in the story of God and therefore my previously unshakable belief in the Almighty!

Whatever shall Christians across the world do? Surely they can't continue to believe under such circumstances! The world is ending...NOW! No wait...NOW! Bugger. It'll happen sometime soon I promise.

NOW!

Shit.

Lewd Bob said...

NOW!

Lewd Bob said...

Anyone there?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I rather hope heaven will be like the Napier Hotel in Fitzroy.

Aesophia said...

For goodness' sake >.< Look, I'm all new on the whole 'let's figure out what life, the universe and everything is really like, etc etc' thing - this was a new idea I hadn't previously thought of and I wanted to share :P so poo to you.

*sigh*

OK, OK...

NOW!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What's >.<

Look at this ant?

wari lasi said...

Sorry Bob, we're still here.

In purgatory.

And God is responsible for the bush fires. He's responsible for everything. It's just that he moves in mysterious ways and it's not for us to try and understand what his motive was for killing these people in the most unimaginable way possible.

He loves us, he really does. Really.

Lewd Bob said...

I wasn't taking the piss Aesoph. Not at all. I think the more we draw attention to the absurdity of religion and the gigantic holes in the 'evidence' of the existence of a supreme being (as opposed to well thought out scientifically based theories on things such as, oh, I dunno, evolution), the better. I appreciate your comments and respect your opinions.

[o.o]

NOW!

Fad MD said...

That last one looks like an owl!

I would have paid a lot more attention to Pers' review of the old testament if it was like this:

www.bricktestament.com

Perseus said...

Pft. Gimmicks.

catlick said...

"Hey Catlick... what's Pell's chances of becoming Pope one day? Like, what's the odds?"

Long odds. Some days I reckon he's a secret Anglican sent in to make us micks look bad. It's working.

Aesophia said...

>.< is angry eyes Ramon... although I do like your version too...

Ah, thank you Bob :) sometimes I forget that the world doesn't revolve around me *sob*

And I LOVE the Brick Testament. I would have loved church a lot more as a kid if we got all that Lego to help out with the stories!

Fad MD said...

There's a lot of attention to detail in those LEGO dioramas. The "Rape, Treachery, Slaughter" one (and how good a title is THAT?!) features mass circumcision, complete with little LEGO men putting littler LEGO foreskins in a barrel.

Enjoy kiddies...

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I think Perseus is possessed by the lego demon of jealousy.

Boogeyman said...

complete with little LEGO men putting littler LEGO foreskins in a barrel.

Considering the smallest Lego piece is the Lego stud, proportional to the lego minifigure sizes, that's one hell of a foreskin.

No wonder the Lego men and women all have such beatific smiles on their faces.

WitchOne said...

New follower, SICK'EM!

patchouligirl said...

It was recently brought to my attention that there is bugger all difference between the definition of a soft Atheist and an Agnostic, so if you aren't sure whether God exists you may as well call yourself an Atheist. Or you can chat with Perseus for a while to arrive at the same conclusion. All roads lead to Atheism.

My stepmother says that God is a black woman with bad PMT.

Just a question on smoting 'self serving journalists' - er wouldn't that be anyone getting paid to cover the fires? Where's the cut-off point?

Can we add Australia Post to the smote list please?

Melba said...

Please add to smote list stupid young female driver registration NDO 456 last sighted tailgating me right up my arse on Glen Eira Rd, Caulfield, and who tooted at ME when I kept slamming on the brakes to make her back off, but half hoping she would run into the back of me because I would have loved to have a chat with her. She had no idea what I was doing, what a fuckwit.

Thank you.

Alex said...

Sadly Melba, this kind of behaviour seems to be almost commonplace nowadays. I can vaguely remember hearing about an incident not too long ago where a bloke was booked for doing this and claimed that he was trying to conserve petrol by "slipstreaming".

You can probably add to the list people who speed up when you try to overtake them and people who overtake you and then immediately slow down. Please pick a speed people.

patchouligirl said...

Its annoying being stuck behind someone slow but I've never been able to figure out why people care a toss about being tailgated. Who cares whats happenning BEHIND you? Am I missing something here?

Melba said...

patchouligirl, it's dangerous to tailgate, pure and simple. I'm not talking on the open road here, I'm talking built up, suburban streets, where any number of things happen regularly which mean you need to break suddenly.

And I'm talking right up my arse, so close it distracted me so that I couldn't concentrate on anything else other than her. I was driving at the speed limit, so what am I missing when people do this?

It was you, wasn't it?

Alex said...

I'm not talking on the open road here, I'm talking built up, suburban streets, where any number of things happen regularly which mean you need to break suddenly.

I find it more puzzling when people do this on the open road when there is miles and miles of open space. All it takes is a roo/pig/tire blow-out/car failure and you have a hundred plus kilometre an hour rear-ender which could have been easily avoided.

And then there's the people who do this at night with their lights on high beam.

patchouligirl said...

It was you, wasn't it?


I'm probably guilty of many road crimes, but tailgating isnt one of them. I'm rarely in a hurry to get anywhere. I've always thought if a tailgater runs up the back of you, they are liable, so its not my problem - why worry? Let them go for it. Smile and wave.

I used to drive a delivery van and it was always a hassle reversing out of driveways, I had limited vision, I'd put the hazards on and reverse out slowly but some bastard would always try and sneak past. That bothered me more as I didnt know if they would be liable or if I would. Logically, they run into the back of me, they should be liable, but then if I wasn't in the way of the road the accident wouldn't happen.

Melba said...

Yeah, agreed Alex but who would be slipstreaming anyway on Glen Eira Rd?

That was my point I guess when I said it wasn't on the open road. Not that it's ok to do on the open road anyway.

And patchouligirl, I know the other person is liable if they run into the back of you regardless, but it can just seem so aggressive and I refuse to be intimidated by a 20-year-old girl on the roads. So I like to give them a scare by braking when it's not necessary to get them to back off. In this case, it didn't work but then again, my doing this is probably stupid and provocative. None of us is perfect.

Alex said...

I wasn't trying to suggest that slipstreaming was any sort of legitimate reason to tailgate people. I was mainly trying to highlight the stupidity of some people.

Also, I tend to worry less about the financial and legal ramifications of having an accident and more about the possibility of being left crippled or brain-damaged.