Friday, February 20, 2009

Poetry Slam Friday!

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse

Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

My ability to recite this by heart got me more roots at Uni than anything else I can recall.


Perseus said...

At Uni that can work, but at 39, I find many women are far more interested in my bank balance than my ability to recite poetry.

Also, they usually only have about two hours spare for me to adore each breast, not two hundred years. Women these days are in such a rush! Then again, that's okay, because two hours is about all I can offer before get tired and want to make a cup of tea and watch Lateline.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Chicks today, eh?

It's all "hurry, hurry, hurry".

wari lasi said...

Not all hurry, hurry, hurry. SOme women still like it slow, but 200 years on each breast is a bit much. It brings to mind that joke about the difference between a whore, a mistress and a wife.

I used to be able to recite all of "The Man from Snowy River". I don't recall it ever got me a shag but it impressed a few people at dinner parties.

Nice poem though.

wari lasi said...

I forgot to ask. Did he also start Marvell Comics? If so, we've got him to thank for the rash of shit movies over the last 5 years or so.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Them and Alan Moore, Wari.

Mr E Discharge said...

Nowadays, "vegetable love" only gets you sacked from the nursing home and placed on a charge.

catlick said...

Vegetable Love reminds me of my old fruit picking days. I prepared dinner one night, and unwittingly served, in a ratatouille, the zuccini that had been the toy of one of the English pickers. She was very upset at her loss, and we weren't sure what to feel.

wari lasi said...

I sincerely hope you're not speaking from experience Mr E?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

the zuccini that had been the toy of one of the English pickers

What, she used to dress it up in dolls' clothes and have tea parties - that sort of thing Catlick?

catlick said...

Something like that Ramon. She did put it into her "cubby house".

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What would happen if it broke, while in her "cubby house".

catlick said...

Well, she'd be in a bit of a pickle, or vice versa.

Anonymous said...

Zucchini is very soft and watery, Ramon. If she was a strong enough girl she could pulp the remainder.

catlick said...

Boogey raw refrigerated zuccini is firm and crisp, and likely to snap if sideways pressure exceeding 8 degrees is applied.*

*I am not speaking from personal experience.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Catlick, but give that broken off piece of zucchini a few days in a warm moist environment, and it won't be so raw or refrigerated any more.

At which case it could be internally pulped with some ease and expelled.

catlick said...

And so I refer you to my comment @ 11.30 am.

catlick said... : pron. piss-ant

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

Isn't it funny how "Spread yer legs and pull yer knickers down" works so much better with just a hundred extra words strung around it?

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I've never understood the sexual allure of the vegetable.

And this may sound callous, but why the hell didn't she pick another one?

Or had she already formed a strong emotional bond?

Aesophia said...

There was movement at the station for the word had passed around that the colt of old regret had gone astray... That the one you're referring to there, Wari?

I used to be able to recite five out of the six verses of My Country - never got me a shag though... at 16 (which is how old I was when I learned it, not how old I am now, thank all the gods!) it's not terribly likely to impress your peers.

squib said...

God I hope you washed it well, Catlick

I used to mentally recite Shakey's Sonnet 29 when I was having my braces tightened at the orthodontist's. It had 14 lines back then. Now it only has 8

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming that zucchini had a particular shape that suggested it was far more suited to the position it attained than that of its humbler ratatouille-destined brethren.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

"Had we but world enough, and time,
This courgette, lady, were no crime".

catlick said...

"There was runctions at the vinyard for the word had passed around that the plump and firm courgette had got away,
And had joined the ratatouille, t'was the only one to be found,
So all the "cracks" had had it for the day...*

*apologies to Banjo..

wari lasi said...

colt of old regret had gone astray

I believe it's "the colt from Old Regret had got away"

But Catlick has reproduced a nicer version much more attuned to the current Zucchini fetish.

Apart from that I'm leaving the whole "vegetable as sex toy" thing alone.

Perseus said...

I'm fond of vegetables, but we're just close friends.

wari lasi said...

got me more roots at Uni

You mean root vegetables? Not tubers or legumes?

Don't vegies sounds better in French? Courgette sounds so exotic and yummy, as opposed to Zucchini. And wouldn't everyone prefer an aubergine to an eggplant?

And I remain the headline act on the cheeky followers comment. Long may I reign over you.

Anonymous said...

So Perseus, we won't be seeing Pony Girl replaced by Potato Girl anytime soon?

wari lasi said...

Or, heaven forbid, Mr Potato Head.

eat my shorts said...

Screw you all for hogging all the roots and vegetables puns! You could save a couple for those of us who arrive later. Selfish bastards.

Melba said...

I can't believe I've missed this thread. And the opportunity to state that I can say Humpty Dumpty in German. Never got me anywhere, not sure why.

wari lasi said...

And the opportunity to state that I can say Humpty Dumpty in German

Well Melba? I'm waiting .....

Melba said...

Wirgele Wagele
Auf der bank
Felt is runter
Is est krank.

Ist kein doktor
Im Ganzen Land
Der dem Wirgele Wagele
Helfen kann?

(Apols for spelling and mistakes. I am going deep, deep into memory space for this one folks.)

So, Wari, are you interested? Did that do things for you?

wari lasi said...

It did Melba, it did.

But I'm pretty easy to please.