Thursday, January 14, 2010

Detox This!

This Ain't Detox, It's Fruit

The body does not need to detox. There is no accumulation of 'toxins' that we have to rid ourselves of. The liver and the kidneys are excellent organs which eliminate bad things from our body readily, quickly and efficiently*.

By all means stop drinking heavily or eating fatty foods or consuming large amounts of caffeine - they can be bad for you. But your body isn't storing any toxins**.

If you're fat and you don't want to be fat, go on a diet. If you have high blood pressure, reduce your amount of caffeine and salt. If you have high cholesterol, perhaps that second pie isn't doing you any favours. If you're constipated, eat more fruit and vegetables.

But don't detox. Because there is no such thing. And certainly don't buy products that 'assist the body to detox'. Because there is no such thing.

"I'm on a liver cleansing diet."


"I do it every year."

"But why?"

"To rid my liver of toxins."

"What toxins?"

"From the food and alcohol I've been consuming."

"But what toxins?"

"Like alcohol."

"But it doesn't accumulate. You stop drinking and it goes away."

"What about the unnatural stuff in food?"

"Like what?"

"Preservatives and stuff."

"Again. Your body doesn't accumulate them. Maybe some preservatives are bad, but just stop eating them."

"But that's what detoxing is. You stop eating the bad stuff."

"No. That's called a healthy diet. Detoxing suggests that there are toxins stored in your body until you eat 43 guavas, a pound of ginger and a small shrub."

"What star sign are you?"

*Unless you have severe liver or kidney disease.

**I have clearly included no references, however Google 'detox myths' and rejoice in the outcome (unless you disagree with me in which case either Google 'Why Detox' or go fuck yourself).


Kettle said...

My favourite is the detox product that calls itself an 'intestinal broom'. Seriously, who makes this shit up?

Leilani said...

Couldn't agree more. I have a friend who regularly goes on the lemon detox - which involves drinking salt water and some plant syrup mixed with lemon and cayenne pepper. No food obvs.

So she shits herself senseless for a week, loses 6kg and two weeks later it's all back on. Yet she continues to shell out $100 for every try.

Kettle, "intestinal broom". Awesome. It actually sounds like the name of a parody rock outfit from the 80s. Perhaps the lead singer was Colin Irrigation? But what was their one hit wonder?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That's some fine work, Bob.

Fuck, this "de-tox" gibberish shits me.

WitchOne said...

I like the Dr Joshi Holistic Detox. Same thing really, stop eating shit. You follow his diet, you actually start to dislike unhealthy foods, they have a bad taste and that's weird, took me ages to start enjoying KFC again.

Correction. I like the IDEA of Dr Joshi, I prefer the reality of KFC.

TubularBells said...

Ergh, yes and no. Detox programs are rubbish, but your body does accumulate certain toxins, specifically the fat soluble ones which get stored in your fatty tissue. Examples are things like dioxins and organo-mercury compounds. I am not sure you want to try and get rid of those all at once, if you tried to detox via starvation/losing all your fat, then I suspect you just flood your body with toxic chemicals which are still there precisely because your organs can't process them into harmless substances.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

drinking heavily or eating fatty foods or consuming large amounts of caffeine

Oddly enough, that pretty much describes my current diet.

RandomGit said...

What star sign are you

This joke is storing and replicating in my laugh gland and people keep looking at me funny.

Leilani said...

Off topic: Tracey Bartram just claimed that 774 supports live/independent music more than any other radio station? Is she completely deluded 774 might be many things - but a music station?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...


She's completely deluded.

Melba said...

I walked past her the other day. She is a very tall person.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

She's about six foot, Melba.

I still don't know what that is in metrics.

squib said...

I'm five foot 10" but I don't know what that is in cms and when someone tells me their baby weighed 3500 grams I have no idea what that means. It's weird because my education was always in metric

Ebony McKenna. said...

Thank you so much.
Detox is brilliant marketing.
Everyone should eat less crap & walk more, but there's no money in it.

Sure, mercury builds up, but if you stop eating swordfish, dolphin and car batteries, you should be fine.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Well, that's my lunch of dolphin and deep-fried car battery out then.


Perseus said...

A friend of mine is having 'no alcohol January'.

To replace her wine consumption for the month, she has turned to light beer, ecstacy and marijuana.

Puss In Boots said...

Squib, I'm the same as you. Complete metric education, but I can't picture 180cm or 3500g in my head. Say 6' or 6lbs and I can picture that. I'm 5'2", and I still have no idea what that is in cms. Not much, I imagine.

I think some detox advertisements and programs can be completely misleading, and I hate those ones (lemon detox, for example), but some simply promote healthy eating, and so I see no harm in dressing that up in a different word so more people will pay attention. The Blackmores 10 Day Detox, for instance, just tells you to eat healthy whilst taking some supplements. I don't see any harm in that. Hopefully people will see such a difference during that period that they decide to stick to the healthy eating longer term.

I've started my new diet plan (not a New Years Resolution) and it appears to be working. The hardest part is no carbs after 3pm! I feel I've exhausted my repertoire of no-carb meals in the first week!

Lewd Bob said...

whilst taking some supplements.

Taking vitamin supplements is completely unnecessary unless you're a seventeenth century sailor.

However I do make allowances for pregnant women taking folate.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Jeez, you're short Puss.

You'd come up to my stomach.

Not that you'd want to, of course.

And what Bob said.

Loose Shunter said...

Back in the old days, this would be where Caz would post the infamous 'Colonix turd' image and we'd all lose our lunches.

Melba said...

So when would be the right time to announce that I enjoyed Avatar?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks for reminding us all of that, LS.

Melba, do you get wide on gin or something before you go to the films?

patchouligirl said...

Haven't seen Avatar yet but everyone says its good.

What star sign are you

Did anyone see Andrew Denton ask Richard Dawkins that question on "Elders?".

I've never embarked on a detox diet but I cook most nights and prefer fresh to processed foods. One example is I can't stand the taste of milk powder or long life milk. I recently found a diet I quite liked but it requires me to drink 'protein shakes' and I don't know much about them. I had a look at the 'iso' type ones in the supermarket and they all seem based on milk powder (yuk). Does anyone know if you can substitute a protein shake for a low fat milkshake or smoothie?

Puss In Boots said...

I don't entirely agree with you, Bob. If you eat a healthy diet, then yes, you probably don't need supplements. But I had various medical tests done which showed I was lacking in iron, selenium, magnesium, and various other things. Nothing a multivitamin can't fix, and nothing that won't dissipate once I start eating everything I'm supposed to, but yes. I still needed to take supplements in the short term.

Ramon - I know. Why do you think I'm obsessed with high heels? Most people think I'm about 5'6" or 5'7" when they meet me. They're usually shocked when they see me without shoes the first time.

squib said...

If I didn't take iron supplements I'd be dead by now

Melba, I liked it too. Also, 'Fantasic Mr Fox' was ace

Melba said...

No I do not Ramon. But seems like you might be in the minority with Avatar.

Mineral depleted soils in Australia mean that alot of our "healthy, natural" fruit and veg are deficient in the good stuff they are meant to be full of, like magnesium and selenium.

Eating an apple today is not like eating apples back in the old days.

Melba said...

Really squib? Saw the preview and it made me think it looked good. Wasn't on my list before.

Puss In Boots said...

I think I would have liked FMF if it wasn't such a typical Wes Anderson film. I thought the subplots with his nephew and son were pointless, as was replacing swear words with "cuss", and the stupid "trademark" whistle and clicking sounds Mr Fox made.

If he'd stuck to the proper storyline, it would have been much better.

I'm not a Wes Anderson fan. I nearly cried when I finally finished watching The Royal Tennenbaums. I couldn't believe I'd just wasted those hours of my life on it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Punter is out for 209.

I therefore declare he is the greatest cricketing genius in the history of the universe.


RandomGit said...

The Royal Tennenbaums. I couldn't believe I'd just wasted those hours of my life on it.

Thank god I'm not alone. I can dry my eyes at last.

Lewd Bob said...

I was lacking in iron, selenium, magnesium

If I didn't take iron supplements I'd be dead

...being minerals. I said vitamin supplements.

squib said...

Yes Melba, but my choice was constrained by LittleSquib's age

Puss, but it had Clooney in it. What more could you ask for?

Puss In Boots said...

Silly me.

But what if someone (who has a bad diet) has a vitamin b or c deficiency? Should they still not take supplements to support them while they make dietary changes? I'm not saying people should use them as an excuse to chow down on KFC everyday, but I think they can be helpful in some situations.

My parents had to come back from PNG when I was little, because I was getting sicker and sicker from not getting enough vitamin b. I don't know the details exactly, that's just what they tell me.

squib said...

I noticed you said vitamins, Lewd. I was talking to Puss. Forgive me

Lewd Bob said...

But what if someone (who has a bad diet) has a vitamin b or c deficiency

This was what I was attempting to explain with my 17th century sailor analogy. My understanding is that, your diet would have to be so phenomenally bad to be deficient in vitamins (such as poverty stricken Sudanese or Bangladeshis, for example, who lack vitamin A) that the deficiency itself would probably be the least of your problems. I think even the worst Western diets generally contain sufficient vitamins. It doesn't mean you'd be healthy of course.

I think you'd have to eat KFC everyday, and nothing else, to have problems. Or you could order the mashed potatoes and peas.

catlick said...

But what was their one hit wonder? "I shit you not."

Taking vitamin supplements is completely unnecessary unless you're a seventeenth century sailor.
I have recently been alerted to the potential problem of low levels of Vitamin D, which affects a few things. Something to think about for older women, mainly.
I h8 all Health Food shop advertising which seems to flout the Trade Practices Act with gay abandon. Detox = Snake Oil

catlick said...

I think even the worst Western diets generally contain sufficient vitamins. It doesn't mean you'd be healthy of course.

Prevalence of Malnutrition in hospitals and aged care facilities is well documented. And there is anecdotal evidence of scurvy in people who eat predominantly maccas and KFC. Supplements are one thing, but vitamins are vitamins because they are requisite for good health, and when insufficient, people get sick. Rickets was rife in Housing Commission families in Melbourne in the 1990s, caused by a sunlight/Vitamin D deficiency. Jus' sayin'.

Lewd Bob said...

Well ok Catlick, I accept there are some exceptions, although I'd like to see hard evidence of KFC-derived scurvy.

Of course supplements will help if in fact you are deficient, but my main point remains: eat fruit, not vitamin supplements.

Lewd Bob said...

...or in the ricketts case, take a stroll in the garden.

eat my shorts said...

Just out of interest, what star sign *are* you, Bob?

KFC is fucking awful. I think the last time I ate that shit I was drunk & there was no other option other than eating my own arm.

Here's a great diet for everyone, resign from your job & go on Centrelink payments. Guaranteed to help you lose kilos. Trust me.

Lewd Bob said...

what star sign *are* you, Bob?

I choose not to have one. Or a Chinese zodiac, or a religion.

Or skinny jeans.