There is nothing more boring for me than someone saying, "I had the most bizarre dream... what happened was (insert three minutes of nonsensical rubbish I'm not interested in)."
Some people are obsessed with their own dreams and the more vivid the better. "I came across a city filled with ice-cream castles. I was in a rowboat with my old maths teacher except it wasn't my maths teacher, it was my mother..." and so on and so on.
I'm no psychologist or any other ologist that knows anything about the brain, or the sub-conscious, but I have come to the conclusion that dreams are nothing more than the mind going on an abstract wander, free from the necessary rules and restrictions that it faces in the awake hours. As such, they are meaningless, and, I hasten to add, of interest only to yourself and nobody else.
Jung can suck my dick.
I have therefore written page 1 of my 'Dream Interpretations by Perseus Q' book which I'm psitive will become a best-seller.
Dream: You are attacked by spiders.
Interpretation: You don't want to be attacked by spiders.
Dream: You are drowning.
Interpretation: You don't want to drown.
Dream: Your husband dies and you are very sad.
Interpretation: You don't want your husband to die.
Dream: You had sex with Natalie Portman.
Interpretation: You want to have sex with Natalie Portman.
Dream: You score a century in the Boxing Day Test.
Interpretation: You would like to score a century in the Boxing Day Test.
Dream: A wild bull chases you across a paddock.
Interpretation: You would not like to be chased across a paddock by a wild bull.
Dream: You roll down a hill and land in a fairy land where you learn to cast spells that heal the sick, and you have a pet fox that can communicate telepathically with you and you and your fox called Ingwahla live in a house atop a magic tree that almost touches the sky, and everyone in fairy land love each other and when the snowflakes touch the ground in fairyland, they turn into emerald gems.
Interpretation: You are a boring hippy.
Dream: You send off all these stupid SMSs to former and potential lovers that are offensive and/or stupid, then end up falling into a bush and waking up an hour later with a splitting headache and you have lost your wallet.
Interpretation: It wasn't a dream, you were drunk last night. Call your bank.
Dream: You are sitting around at home reading Dostoyevsky and smoking cigarettes, and a naked Natalie Portman comes in and says, "Hey, I love Dostoyevsky. Can I have a ciggy?"
Interpretation: You are me.
Dream: You are sitting around reading 1875's 'Critique Of The Gotha program' when a naked Julia Gillard comes in and says, "Rudd's gone and I'm taking over, and I want you to be my deputy, but first of all, congratulations on scoring that ton in the Boxing Day test. Can I have a beer?"
Interpretation: You are Ramon Insertnamehere.