Friday, January 29, 2010

Prose Slam Friday

...in following from Lewd Bob's entry, and in response to my e-girlfriend's damnation of the book, here are some quotes from Catcher In The Rye to muse over.



People always think something's all true.

When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go.

All morons hate it when you call them a moron.

It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes.

Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact.

I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy.

There isn't any night club in the world you can sit in for a long time unless you can at least buy some liquor and get drunk. Or unless you're with some girl that really knocks you out.

Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody.

"Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake."

Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.

Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."

36 comments:

obtuse-a said...

That book...

Phoneys, and highballs, and girls in twin-sets.

I loved everything he wrote that I could get my hands on.

Puss In Boots said...

Granted, there are some decent quotes from it, but overall, the book is crap.

ToneMasterTone said...

I disliked Catcher in the Rye and I disliked Huck Finn, but I did enjoy A Clockwork Orange.

Maybe it's just American vernacularists I don't like.

I also disliked the beats.

American vernacularists really do give me the shits it seems.

Leilani said...

I loved the book. Who couldn't love it - "a horse is at least human."

Perseus said...

Paraphrasing from memory, there was also a line like, "I kept ringing but nobody kept answering."

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

See, you're sort of putting me off here Pers.

That sort of cutsie stuff sets my teeth on edge.

Perseus said...

But you like Morrissey and Violent Femmes... it's that sort of cutesy, which is not cutesy, it's more angsty.

You could knock it off in a day.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You could knock it off in a day.

Not if you have a six year old son.

squib said...

Oh I love that horse quote (surrounded as I am by car-borgs)

eat my shorts said...

I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

That's my favourite.

Oh, and the bit about how all morons hate it when you call them a moron. It's funny, because it's true.

Lewd Bob said...

A horse is at least human

Gold!

WitchOne said...

Damn it Squib, I need to contact you for brain picking purposes. A boys 5th birthday superhero party. How on earth can I get out of hiring the damn Batman (and without dressing up someone I know to do a half assed job while fully pissed).

I suck at kids parties and I still refuse to have them at Macca's or any playcentre, they're at home, where they should be!

Sorry for the hijack. As you were.

What's the latest post about anyway? Anything good? Should I read it?

WitchOne said...

Oooh, I like Prose Slam Friday. Good job.

Lewd Bob said...

I hereby volunteer to be Batman. I can do Christian Bale's Batman voice pretty damn well. My 4 year old son agrees.

Leilani said...

Christian Bale's Batman voice is downright creepy, is it a nightmare party?

Ramon, Newspoll rang me today to ask my opinion on mangoes, timber, carpet, bitters and yes, politics.

Lewd Bob said...

I hope you gave your full and honest answers on mangoes. This country needs more forthright mango spokespeople.

Lord Gravy said...

Mangoes are fascists. Everybody knows that.

WitchOne said...

Awesome Lewd, you're hired (shanghaied, don't be picky), you can do balloon animals, magic, face painting, funny songs and stories right?

Apparently these extortionists charge about $240 per hour, I'm willing to pay you in drinks. Take a cab.

Mangoes. Don't talk to me about mangoes.

squib said...

Hi Witch, I usually scour the internet for ideas. I would probably stick to bright primary colours with stars and lightning bolts (reflective tape is great) and those jagged POW! BAM! Shapes. You need a big monster piƱata for your superheroes to destroy. Green kryptonite jelly cups. Superhero gingerbread men (I’d ice a dark eye mask on them and some sort of top with a lightening bolt, then tie on itty black paper capes) and star and lightning shaped biscuits. If you have a sandpit, have a Villain Hunt. Hide loads of monster things in the sand. Sticky hand and flashing light things. A craft activity like this would be cool

Lewd Bob said...

you can do balloon animals, magic, face painting, funny songs and stories right?

No. I can do the Christian Bale voice. That's it. And I'll be drunk.

Alex said...

I used to love mangoes, but eating dozens of them every day for the past four weeks has made me rethink my position. Anyone got any good mango recipes that don't require much effort?

patchouligirl said...

Mango with good quality vanilla ice cream. It doesn't need to be any more complex than that.

WitchOne said...

I'm currently drunk, going with drunk, happy with drunk. Tomorrow, I'll click on the links, horrify myself and go back to drunk.

Eveentually, I'll do what Squib said, hate it, and then it won't matter because I'll be drunk.

Lewd, you're you hired!

W00T!

WitchOne said...

Oh Squib, thank hon! xxxxx

eat my shorts said...

Mangoes are teh evil.

They're even more evil than peas. I heard a rumour* that mangoes are going to be the next evil arch-nemesis in the new Batman movie**.


*I may or may not be making that up.
**I may or may not be making that up.

Leilani said...

Stop with your mango hate. They are AWESOME.

Puss In Boots said...

EMS! Finally! Someone else who hates mangoes! I thought I was the only one!

I can't stand them. You're right. They are evil. And their sidekick is the rockmelon.

patchouligirl said...

It figures you wouldn't like mangoes Puss. Rockmelon is equally delicious with vanilla ice cream.

Puss In Boots said...

*spew*

patchouligirl said...

Imagine ripping into a really ripe mango Puss, so the juice is running down your chin and arms - its even better than eating a warm bbq chicken with your bare hands. Chocolate body paint anyone?

Puss In Boots said...

Dude, that is completely disgusting. Gross.

And I dare you to eat dozens of them every week over the course of 5 years and then see how much you like them.

Boogeyman said...

That's a challenge I'd be willing to accept, Puss.

Boogeyman said...

Also, doesn't Perseus owe me a copy of Catcher in the Rye after I one some online competition of his way back in the day?

eat my shorts said...

Rockmelon is the wanker of the melon family.

Watermelon, however, is the cooler, better looking older brother.

Swoon.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You've been single too long, EMS.

eat my shorts said...

Tell me about it.