Monday, October 25, 2010

Bullshit & Song of the Week

What's made of iron and gets dipped in curry?

Jesus Christ I hate it when companies advertise products which claim to be healthy when, in fact, they're not. Marketing products such as Special K, Nutri Grain and Milo as healthy foods is misleading, inappropriate and, quite simply, fucking wrong.

When spruiking Special K, Kelloggs target women with implictions that they'll get thin and miraculously obtain long, slim legs if they eat that shit. Special K is not made with wholegrains and therefore has very little fibre, contains 14.5% sugar and 536mg of sodium per 100g. It's not healthy, it's not nutritious and, incidentally and editorially, it tastes like shit.

Nutritional Value*: 2/10
Taste: 1/10

Nutri Grain is aimed at young boys and men. The implication made through the marketing is that they'll grown up to be fit and healthy or, if you like, 'iron men'. Fuck off, you creeps! It contains 32% sugar, 600mg of sodium per 100g and also contains highly processed grains which severely lack in fibre. They actually add vitamins and minerals. They add them! Isn't it easier to use healthy ingredients in the first place? Like corn, oats and wheat? Kelloggs, you are a bunch of cunts.

Nutritonal Value: 3/10
Taste: 5/10

Then there's Milo. Marketed in a similar way to Nutri Grain, it contains 47% sugar and 10% fat. They also add vitamins and minerals and, like icing on the cake (or milo on ice-cream), they use palm oil and have a track record of doing so**. It's not healthy but at least this one tastes ok.

Nutritional value: 3/10
Taste: 7/10

There are many, many more products that fall neatly into the above category. "Breakfast bars" for example.

#

Meanwhile, here's beardo legend Steven McBean from Black Mountain with some real rock n roll:




* Personal ratings subject to bursts of anger.
** Palm oil is an ecologically unsound ingredient which is grown in areas of cleared old growth forest in Malaysia which continues to reduce already fragile Orangutan habitat. They also use palm oil in Kit Kats.

38 comments:

Alex said...

I get a chuckle out of how a lot of these products have changed tactics ever so slightly in the past few years and now market themselves as "energy foods"*. I'd probably be laughing harder if I didn't see how readily little kids buy into the marketing bullshit. Fuckers. I think I'll keep to my much-derided cooked breakfast, thank you very much. Also, isn't like 90% of all chocolate ethically questionable?

I give the song 6.5/10. Was that whole wooded area meant to be inside the pub then, was it?

* I don't know about other people, but I usually feel terrible and sickly after eating sugary foods. I just stay away, now.

eat my shorts said...

Personally I quite like Milo and ice cream.

But is it just me or is there something not quite right with Lisa's boob in that picture (and I mean her boob, not the dude standing next to her).

If 90% of chocolate is ethically questionable, then ... then ... ah fuck it. Who am I kidding, I don't care. It's chocolate, I'll still eat it.

*Cracks the guilts*

wari lasi said...

and I mean her boob, not the dude standing next to her

Ha ha EMS. That's funny. God, what an awful couple they were. He's somewhat of a helicopter magnate these days I hear.

My chemistry teacher at school said that in the case of most breakfast cereals there was more nutrition in the cardboard box they came in than the actual product itself.

Bob, PNG produces some "ecologically friendly" palm oil in the West New Britain province. Abeit by a Malaysian owned company.

And may I be the first? How was Johnny last night? Surely you watched Ramon. It was so flattering as to almost appear staged.

eat my shorts said...

God, what an awful couple they were.

Well ... I'm not one to judge (who are we kidding? I am totally one to judge), but yeah, as far as couples go they were pretty shitty.

Basically, I don't trust anyone who tries to sell me a Muesli Bar.

Ian Thorpe, I'm looking at you... http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3017/2715632660_887050781e.jpg?v=0 (do excuse me, but I'm too slack to properly link; cut and paste, it's worth it).

Alex said...

More celebrity-boob appreciation. Maybe it should have its own recurring segment. Personally, I reckon it's just that she's got a more developed chest than your average woman. Nothing that unusual about it, though.

Melba said...

Agreed Bob it's so annoying and they think we are idiots.

Well most of us are. Most get sucked in.

Glad I'm not the only one who's on to them.

Milo on ice cream is ace but that's not what we were talking about. It's ok as long as you know it's NOT HEALTHY.

Bob, tell Persey to email me. He promised and he aint done it. Otherwise give him a hug from me.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

God, what an awful couple they were

Really?

Worse than these people?

How was Johnny last night? Surely you watched Ramon.

Good God, no!

I had enough of The Rodent when he was in power.

patchouligirl said...

Check out Kenny sucking in his gut.

We don't have any breakfast cereal at my house. Breakfast is usually either toast, boiled egg or homemade museli. I use Michelle Bridges museli recipe, which is: 2 cups rolled oats, 2/3 cup bran, 1/3 cup each sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds, 1/4 cup each craisins and raisins. A half a cup of this topped with a chopped up kiwifruit, mango or apple, half a banana and a half cup of lite milk comes in under 400 cals and is about as close to the perfect breakie as I've ever found. You get your two serves of fruit before you've even walked out the door and you know exactly what's in it.

squib said...

I don't believe in breakfast

This is a bit weird but when I ate Nutri-Grain as a kid, I used to imbue each nutri-grain with a personality until it got so that I would feel guilty for eating my little friends

I was an only child

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I was an only child

We would never have guessed, Squib.

Lewd Bob said...

Meanwhile, more shonky marketing has come under scrutiny from those champions of the truth, Choice.

Melba, I will pass along your message but will not hug Perseus. We have an unwritten agreement never to touch unless it's somehow required when we combine to tell a riotous story.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That's some good work Bob.

I like the song as well.

Oh and ask Perseus if he needs more lemons.

wari lasi said...

Ok Ramon. They win. Jack Marx wrote something in defence of them recently. Or more correctly ripped into one of her ex's who was "revealing all" in one of those "hard hitting", amazing exposes by one of the Award Winning Journalists at Woman's Day.

If you're going to be such an obvious fame whore, you deserve what you get.

squib said...

ps. I liked the song too. Ask Perseus if he wants any scratch n sniff stickers. I have pineapple, caramel, fairy floss, and peppermint

patchouligirl said...

Yeah ditto p.s. about the song. And I like the video. Is the name 'Black Mountain' from the Led Zeppelin song?

Alex said...

I don't believe in breakfast

*Gasp* Squib, you're a breakfast skipper?! I hope the squiblings aren't going to school hungry (Not that I think you'd actually do that or anything. You don't, do you?).

Wari, I think that I shall never understand the need of some people to "tell all" to the media. It makes you look like quite a bit of an arsehole, doesn't it? Of course, I don't understand the people who buy Woman's Day/Month/Week/Hour/etc, either; so I'm at a total loss, really.

Lewd Bob said...

Is the name 'Black Mountain' from the Led Zeppelin song?

Almost certainly.

patchouligirl said...

You know, probably the best breakfast in the world in terms of economy, simplicity and simply being good for you is a banana. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that.

Alex said...

PG, I agree that bananas are good for you (and delightfully tasty), but I think it would want to be a fairly hefty banana to keep you sharp and focused on work (or school) right through the morning. Just my opinion, though.

Lewd Bob said...

So Perseus is being offered hugs, lemons and multi-aroma scratch n sniff stickers. How does he stay away?

Puss In Boots said...

I'm a breakfast skipper too, Alex. I eat it under duress. I'm just not hungry until about 10am.

However, I realise it is important if you want to lose weight, so I force myself to eat something.

Tell Pers to email me. I have something for him.

Alex said...

How was Johnny last night? [...] It was so flattering as to almost appear staged.

I only just saw it. Are you referring to the bloke with the shoes, Wari?

WitchOne said...

I rarely eat breakfast but the kids get kids weetbix (fortified with iron and so forth) with kids milk, fortified with extra good things as well. Or they can have porridge with fresh apple and cinnamon or fresh (frozen) berries and brown sugar or similar, they also have at least 1 slice wholegrain toast with vegemite or honey on it.

It's been that way since the beginning of time and will continue so.

Kids need good food, they need full fat food and anyone who is stupid enough to overfeed their kids, or feed them unhealthy foods has my contempt.

Yes. That could change some minds.

WitchOne said...

By the way, how are you all?? I feel like a lurker but I have started a course in order to start a new job due to my dissatisfaction with being made redundant every 5 seconds.

Let me sell your house for you. Please? God knows, you must be ready for a change by now guys!

wari lasi said...

Yep Alex, the wanker with the shoes, and his girlfriend. But I'm off the conspiracy theory, he was just a dick who failed to realise Howard was releasing his book the next day and an idiot like him was a PR Godsend.

A woman who doesn't like the girlie mags? Alex ... the "Alex is really a guy" rumours will start again.

Hey Witchy. I haven't missed you! How's school (middle aged HA!) going?

And have you thought about getting an iPhone? They're great.

Alex said...

I'm hoping, Wari, that at least Squib and Puss would back me on the magazines. But, incidentally, I don't understand readers of Zoo, either. And I noticed Howard's "shit-eating grin" (thanks, Mr Rabbit) during the incident. Guess even he was thinking about book sales.

How's life, Witchy? I don't know much about selling real estate, but I can advise not calling your neighbours once a week to ask if they're thinking of moving. It gets annoying after a while.

wari lasi said...

Got me Alex. The "men's mags" don't do it for me either. Zoo is particularly cringeworthy, the (very) little I have seen of it.

And if you ask me, Witchy has hit on a gig that's suits her.

wari lasi said...

that suits her even, i couldn't be bothered removing it and reposting

Alex said...

Wari, sometimes I look at the huge racks of garbage mags at the checkout (the ones aimed at teens are the worst) or the ACA/TT ratings and it depresses me.

And I'm not sure if calling somebody suited to real estate sales is particularly flattering or not. It requires spruiking a lot of shit, doesn't it?

Puss In Boots said...

I'm totally with you on the magazines, Alex. I try not to even read them in doctors' waiting rooms. I usually just play around on my phone instead. I will pick one up out of extreme boredom, but that's about it.

wari lasi said...

Someone has to do everything Alex. She's quite outgoing and comes across as genuine, which I find rare in that game.

Sorry to talk about you right in front of you Witchy!

Alex said...

Sorry Wari (and Witchy), that is quite different to what I originally thought you were implying.

squib said...

Alex, I only require 3 cups of nescafe instant espresso coffee in the morning. LittleSquib has frozen yoghurt or toast and vegemite these days. As for BigSquib, I don't know, she leaves for school so early. She could be eating mixed lollies for all I know

I am with you on the mags. I don't give a shit about Angelina Jolie or the best fake tan

I do read Frankie (it's a bit twee and for a younger set but I just love all those doilies and owls). Also, New Scientist online

WitchOne said...

Aww guys, I'm blushing.. Thanks for the good wishes, I've wanted to do real estate for years and years but could never find a real estate agent I could stomach long enough to go through training, licensing and so forth though.

Now I have and YAY for that! Do you have any idea how tightly regulated the industry is? What you have to disclose and what you can't disclose and what has to be signed, explained and so forth? If anyone ever (and I DO mean ever) has a problem with a real estate agent, take to Consumer Affairs, they investigate every complaint made and LOVE finding the dodgy agents.

One more reason to love it now I say. The industry is cleaning up but the preconceptions will stay for a long long time, never mind, you get what you pay for like any service.

And Alex, it's more listening than talking, at least it should be. :-)

WitchOne said...

Oh Wari, I haven't missed you either, have you got an iPhone? I've heard they're pretty good..... :-P

Puss In Boots said...

WitchOne, what state is that? We got fed up with real estate agents telling us that the lower level of some houses was "legal height when it was built." These places were usually around 2.1m. I know for a fact (from extensive research) that legal heights have actually been coming down, not going up. There has never been a time when anything less than 2.4m was legal. We tried to explain this to them so many times, but they were adamant. It was so frustrating, because they were spreading this misinformation around that it was ok to live in these lower levels, when it's actually illegal, and if there's a problem (like a fire, or something), the insurance company can void your policy because you're living in an uninhabitable space.

I was going to send my research on legal heights to a local newspaper to do a story, but then we bought a house and I got busy with renovations.

wari lasi said...

have you got an iPhone?

Ha ha. I just grab it every now and then and ping the stupid birds all over the place.

WitchOne said...

I can't remember, are you Melbs Puss? If so the laws differ in every state but are essentially focused on morality and ethics so this may apply..

(a week of study has completely fucked with me!)

Right!

Prior to purchasing a home the questions to ask are as follows;

Section 32 is a must. Is there anything not on this section 32 that I should know about? (unlisted covenants or easements, such as height restrictions (covenants are not law per se as they have been attached by a previous owner however they are lawful in that they can be upheld in court providing someone is in a position to and knows they can push the issue), easements, common land etc and so on.). In the vendor statement, is there are a lawful restriction listed regarding height of the buildings?

Checks to get your solicitor to make;

Council
Water Board

My brain fried right then but I will get back to you, e-mail me if you want the full detail.

As mentioned prior, laws are different in every state, in Victoria the regulations cover everything up to and including a rebate given at the end of the year as a thank-you by the newspaper you have advertised with ensures you must split that rebate amongst every vendor you have had that year and you get nothing.

The best advice I can give anyone buying a home, ask every question in detail, if they know they have to tell you and you have 6 years in Victoria to catch them out, claim the commission back or compensation, potentially cancel the sale (if there has been significant loss which would be devastating so it's one to use at your discretion) and essentially cause a world of shit.

Buying a home was devastating for me, I found out this week that I can potentially sue the real estate agent and force them out of business. Will I? No. Not because I don't hate them, I do. Because I love my home and I am emotionally caught up in it and in the end, I paid what I could afford and no more than that, plus land value has increased by over 150k in the interim, I have suffered no harm. Therefore, yes they lied but can I prove it and do I want to bother. The answer again is no.

Honesty, morality, ethics while getting the best result possible for the vendor. If you are selling, don't tell your real estate agent anything you don't want to get out to a buyer. The RE will keep your confidence but if the buyer asks the right question, they can't lie, it's simply not allowed and stupid to do so.

But remember, a real estate agent will never volunteer if they can help it. :-)

My plans? I want to do the right thing by everyone, why can't it be possible? Of course it is. :-)