Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Words What I Hate


Did he just say key deliverables?

Homophobe


This word makes no sense. Judging by its usage, it presumably means fearing homosexuals or a general disdain for homosexuals.

Homo as a prefix, from the Greek, means 'same'.

Phobe from the French (also Greek Phobos and Latin Phobus) means 'fearing'.

So what can we conclude? That homophobe, literally translated, means fearing the same. Of course in common usage it usally means fearing the opposite. Another example of the English language's arcane evolution.


Workaholic

This is, of course, a derivation from alcoholic. Unfortunately whoever decided to first use this term believed that using a part of the word 'alcohol' (i.e. the 'ahol' bit) in this new word, was a good idea. Of course, alcoholism and workaholism are usually unrelated, if you ignore that they may occasionally overlap. Adding 'ic' to the end of alcohol came to mean being addicted to it. So I propose we change workaholic to 'workic'.

"That Johnny, always leaving the office late. I tell you, he's a workic."

Works for me.

Also see 'Shopaholic'.


Corporate/Management Speak

Key Performance Indicators
Key Deliverables
Revert Back (into what?)
Reflect (think)
Scope (money)

Here's an extract from an email a friend forwarded to me recently:

We are hoping that some of these discussions explored the on-the-job
experiences that you will be engaging in to stretch your current abilities
and ease you into new capabilities, as well as the coaching opportunities
that you will actively seek to receive constructive feedback so as to grow
your strengths even further.


Huh?


Any noun wrongly used as a verb


"He medalled."

Look out for it during a Commonwealth Games broadcast near you.

25 comments:

Alex said...

Hmmm, I think your email extract may be very close to being an example of fucknobism at work.

Well done, Bob.

patchouligirl said...

KPI's, KRA's . . someone gets paid to think up all this jargon. They change to new ones every decade or so. I got so jack of it at TAFE I made up 'buzz word bingo' cards for my class mates so we could pass the time crossing them off as the tutors used them.

Puss In Boots said...

YES! THIS!!!!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

"Schismatic" is a rockin' word, which sadly doesn't get much of a run these days.

squib said...

Ah, I've never thought about the 'ahol' bit. Cheers, Lewd

My pet hate at the moment is 'cacophony' used by poets in relation to birds

Lord Gravy said...

I have a story about 'homophobic'.

There was this hippy girl, right. She lived in some squalid mud-brick share house in, say, Warrandyte. This is what I overheard her say:

"Everyone in our house has slept with Gerald. Everyone. Except Barney of course. He's suuuch a homophobe!"

No, hippy scum, he's not a homophobe. He's straight!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

To me, that email suggests you've been given the sack.

WitchOne said...

OH NO! I just tried to log onto Facebook but the ENTIRE SITE IS DOWN! Worst part? I can't get one Facebook to share my disgust, because Facebook is the problem!

WitchOne said...

Oh, and I disagree with the esteemed INHS, that e-mail tells me you are going into some serious coaching meetings, after which you will have a finite time in which to show improvement otherwise you will be sacked.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Yeah, fair enough Witchy.

There's definitely a sacking looming in there somewhere.

Lewd Bob said...

There's definitely a sacking looming in there somewhere.

Yikes! I'd better tell my friend.

WitchOne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eat my shorts said...

Oh that email sounds like so many I find in my inbox every day Bob. Education-malists like their meaningless jargon.

As an aside (sort-of), is it a bad sign that I've taken to mentally saying "FUCK YOU!" to pretty much everyone placed in front of me at work? I don't actually say it, but in my mind I yell it and then punch them (in my mind, not in reality). Is this a sign that I need a holiday?

Oh, and. As a further aside? Coaching cunting-well sucks arse.

Feck it. I need a beer, not a holiday.

patchouligirl said...

Ahh the joys of facebook. I want to have a little whinge about spelling. My spelling isn't perfect but having a 3 yr old son and arranging facebook play dates has been an eye opener at how the 25 yr olds can't spell. I've got one friend who thinks the abbreviation of "He is" is "his" so she'll say "his got a fever". Another one used "rediculas" this morning in a sentence. If this is what I can expect from the local public schools my son is going to need some coaching.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

is it a bad sign that I've taken to mentally saying "FUCK YOU!" to pretty much everyone placed in front of me at work?

Yes.

Yes it is a bad sign, EMS.

Lewd Bob said...

my son is going to need some coaching

Probably don't ask EMS.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I think EMS is starting to lose it.

Serenity now, EMS.

Alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You might want to slap a NSFW warning on that link there, Alex.

Alex said...

These comments can't be amended, can they Ramon? I'll just have to trust people to make a judgement call based on the text.

Alex said...

Oh dear, EMS. That doesn't sound good at all. It sounds like that holiday can't come soon enough - for your sanity and the safety of the students.

PG, I could read and write before I was school aged (though I'm no genius at it) and one thing I put it down to is having comic books as a kid (having a teacher for a mum and no TV reception might have helped, too). Comic books made reading something I really, really wanted to do. And back in the day, comic writers kind of fancied themselves as serious authors. I assume they still do. Here's a little extract (edited for brevity) from my favourite issue of Savage Sword Of Conan, that came out as late as 1991 (Holy shit, was that twenty years ago already?):

The sanguine smell of the dying summer is in the air as the midday journey of the Cimmerian is brought to a halt by an ominous gathering in a forest clearing.

"Of this we know, the old man was attacked by a band of brigands who tried to rob him of his paltry coins. In the struggle, three brigands were killed. Now the rest want revenge. It will be to the death. Is there anyone who will act as the old goat's second? I'll take all bets on the outcome!"

"I'll stake the old man."

"What?"

"Are you deaf? And I'll be his second."

"He's mad."

"Kill the old fool quickly!"

"The old crow won't even put up a fight."

"Cimmerian, you've lost!"

Like a dream unfolding, imperceptibly, with exquisite grace, a glint of gleaming steel appears - seemingly without sound, seemingly without motion, seemingly without effort. And then the dream abruptly ends, seemingly, without life.


So, yeah, it's not all ZAP! POW! "Captain America! I command you to WANK" (Possibly NSFW. Contains comic book art and a large "WANK"). Of course, you may not appreciate a five year old trying to work "sanguine" and "imperceptibly" into casual conversation. It's just a suggestion.

Alex said...

Ok. Fixed it.

Dr. Golf said...

I hate it when people say "as opposed to" in between two things which are distinguished by their similarities, as opposed to their differences.

Eg. I enjoy the musical stylings of Jimmy Barnes as opposed to Cold Chisel.

Lewd Bob said...

Or when people say 'literally' when it isn't literal at all.

Such as "I literally died!"

eat my shorts said...

Serenity now, EMS.

Twelve days until half term. Twelve days until half term. Twelve days until half term. Twelve days until half term.

*Rocks back and forth in her chair*

Never, ever, ever have I so looked forward to five days without school.

my son is going to need some coaching

Probably don't ask EMS.


Probably don't indeed. But I'd be happy to teach him. (He doesn't say "inni't" a lot, does he? He doesn't want to be a gangster, does he?)

P.S. I might be getting towards a breakthrough. One of my Year 8s, who is a gangster-wannabe, after being sent out of my class, was yelled at by the Dept. Head and his Head of Year and was last seen literally (properly literally, not not-literally) blubbering away in a corner before having to speak to the Head Teacher.

Bring it fucking on, kiddies.