Monday, August 24, 2009

Sore Loser

God I hate losing to the Mother Country. If Sri Lanka, NZ or the Windies beat us, I really don't mind, and if it's India, Pakistan or South Africa beating us, I feel a little pain, but not much. But losing The Ashes? Oh, the pain, the pain... especially when that smug fucking cunt Flintoff does that arms in the air thing he does when he gets a wicket, or when that sunglass-wearing get-a-haircut noob Swann takes them.

If the Queen knights the English team again (which she did in 2005) I'll seriously have to reconsider my monarchist leanings.

I sat up late in my pyjamas with a hot milo and a purring cat by my side, hoping to watch the most incredible comeback in cricket history... what I got was the fucking ten stooges. Punter was looking great, but Hussey called him through on a risky single, and Flintoff, of all people, smashed down the stumps and Punter was out by foot. It was a rotten call from Hussey, and the commentators joked that at the lunch break, Hussey would do well to avoid Punter in the dressing room. If I was Punter I would have waited til Hussey had finished his cucumber and egg sandwich and then applied a solid mandible claw.

Once Punter was out, it was all over for another two years.

You know what we needed last night? Andrew McDonald and Andrew Symonds. Why weren't they in the team? Why? Why?

Cunts.


Smug cunt.

**

(Psycho Bitch update - the next day she told her boyfriend that my neighbour Paulie tried to have sex with her, and so the boyfriend started making death threats to poor Paulie. Paulie asked me to stick up for him, because I was a witness to the real story, but that meant approaching the psycho boyfriend, which made me nervous. Fortunately, the cops got involved, and like a good old Western, the psycho couple were told to be 'on a bus by Monday'... Small town justice. I love it here.)

11 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Ah, Fred's not so bad.

He likes a beer and if I'd just got Punter out, I'd be a smug cunt too.

Mind you, getting beaten by the Poms shits me as well.

Alex said...

If I was Punter I would have waited til Hussey had finished his cucumber and egg sandwich and then applied a solid mandible claw.

Professional wrestling fan too, Perseus?

Fad MD said...

Oh this shits me.

Friday's debarcle where we were 0-60 overnight and then 10-62 or something was just fucked. Symonds wouldn't have made a difference. Clarke in from the beginning would have, because even when he doesn't get wickets he's bowling that annoying line and length stuff.

Hussey's got to go.

Melba said...

The Mandible Claw was great.

Pepsi said...

I went to bed when Clarke got run out.

They deserved to loose, though I'm glad I'm not in England today. It was bad enough at ANZ Stadium on Saturday with those damn Kiwis.

Punter with 2 trips to England as Captain has lost both Ashes series.

Warnes calling for the selectors heads, I'd rather have the Captains thanks.

Their batting is fine, we have an overflow of batmans in the team and shield, its the captaincy and the bowling we need lots of work at.

Winning them back here in 10/11 is going to bit a little harder than last time me thinks. I wonder if Ooo-Aahh would come out of retirement.

In 2013, Pup as Captain, should have a better chance of bringing them home.

Pepsi said...

bit = be

Dr. Golf said...

Yeah bit harsh on Freddy. He's my second favourite pom cricketer, behind Monty Panesar of course.

Would be worse if K-Ped was involved.

In any case the Australian players and selectors should appear before a Royal Commission to ensure this sort of thing never happens again.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Quite so, Dr G.

Monty Panesar is worshipped as a god in Preston.

eat my shorts said...

I sat up late in my pyjamas with a hot milo and a purring cat by my side, hoping to watch the most incredible comeback in cricket history... what I got was the fucking ten stooges.

Oh come on. Fair suck of the sav. I know fuck all about cricket and even I knew Australia was going to lose.

Part of me loves the fact you were so hopeful, and part of me hates the fact you were so hopeful. Harden your heart, man!

Dr. Golf said...

Ramon you will enjoy this.

John Passant, of the Socialist Alliance, somehow turns our Ashes defeat into a win for Socialism.

http://enpassant.com.au/?p=4584

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks Dr G

Fuckin' hell, I sincerely hope that article was taking the piss.