Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It's just like Crikey. Only we say "cunt" a lot more.

With a federal election likely in the middle of next year the team at Australia’s 126th most influential blog, The Site Formally Known As, is gearing up to give you the country’s hardest hitting political coverage*.

TSFKA political editor Ramon Insertnamehere said the site was chock-a-block with drunks and layabouts some of Australia’s finest political analysts.

“TSFKA’s unparalleled election coverage includes reporters from across Australia with a special correspondent in the nation’s capital**,” Dr Insertnamehere said.

“In addition, our resident Texan Pirate Goth will be bringing us all the colour and light from some Godforsaken shit-hole out in the sticks.

“I’ve put all the preparations in place; the shed is full of beer, the anti-depressants are in and the local pizza place is on speed-dial.

“I’m confident the TSFKA’s unique combination of inaccurate bullshit, drunken ramblings, sneering, shouting, bleak political hatred and cribbing from better informed blogs will provide our readers with all the election information they really don’t want.”

The first The Site Formally Known As election special will be out as soon as I can be arsed.

* Or possibly not.

** Your mum lives in Canberra, doesn’t she Kettle?


Lewd Bob said...

I intend to make uninformed and beery comments from TSFKA's backbenches.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Good work, Bob.

That's our Glenn Milne vacancy filled then.

eat my shorts said...

Thank christ for that. I'm not sure exactly how much coverage there will be of an Australian election in the UK, but I'm reckoning on "not very much".

I'm relying on youse.

squib said...

I suppose that leaves me to be head of the West Australian Specialist Branch of Badge Propaganda

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Have a fabbo trip, EMS.

Squib, you're covering the key western states beat.

Anonymous said...

Yay! Something for me to actually look forward to in December.

The new "The Drum" section over at the ABC website can get stuffed. Will there be Twitter updates? Why is everything on bloody Twitter these days? Dr Insertnamehere, what's your take on Abbott's new front bench and his performance on Lateline last night?

Sorry. Bit excited.

Perseus said...

Once we got the Geelong bypass funded, nobody down here gave a shit about federal politics. The only reason we voted Cheeseman in was because his name made us giggle.

Plus, we were all sick of Stuart 'Personal Friend of John Howard' McArthur. He'd been the local member since Federation.

Lewd Bob said...

Stuart 'Personal Friend of John Howard' McArthur

I'm afraid to say - and I know you know this Perseus - he's a relative of mine.

homesick said...

I for one EMS can strongly recommend the political coverage here at TSFKA. I have for the past four years have used the former TH/TSSH for all my news from home.

Bit like the old days of listening the rugby league Grand final commentary from H.G & Roy*

* If your in the UK, Sky covers it.. sort of.

homesick said...

I for one EMS can strongly recommend the political coverage here at TSFKA. I have for the past four years primarily used the former TH/TSSH for all my news from home.

Bit like the old days of listening the rugby league Grand final commentary from H.G & Roy.

If your not convinced, then Sky in the UK covers it.. sort of

Dr. Golf said...

But will the appeal of Cheeseman's novelty name be trumped by the E grade celebrity factor of former 7.30report journo Sarah Henderson?

The Sarah Palin of Corrangamite.

Kettle said...

Ramon my Mum thanks you heartily for the most highly sought after position of special correspondent from the Capital, the very well-spring of political bullshit.

Earlier this morning she said she was looking forward to "cunting it up" (politically speaking) during the election campaign, and has already started compiling a list of key phrases she's looking to include in her reportage, such as 'bullshit Coalition policies', 'ruddy good', and 'nipple hairs'.

I'm sure she would appreciate any suggestions the mighty TSFKA political analysts have. Thoughts everyone?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Good to have your mum on board, Kettle.

Key cliches any professional throws into their copy would include;

"Bellweather seat"

"A narrowing of the gap"


"Late surge"

No, I don't know what they mean either.

PS. Did your mum really say "cunting it up"? Cripes!

Kettle said...

Heavens no, Ramon! My Mum is a very nice person and would never say such a thing. I was just exercising the same freedom quoting sources I suspect many professionals may exercise during the election. It's quite fun, this making things up, I mean political reportage.

Thanks for your cliche suggestions; I'm going to make myself up a bingo sheet for election night. Let the fun begin!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm glad you like making stuff up...err...political reportage Kettle because you're the TSFKA correspondent for NSW.

Kettle said...

Ramon what an honour. I only hope I can be programmatically specific enough to adequately describe the narrowing (or otherwise) of the gap in NSW's bellweather seats, especially if there's a late surge.

TubularBells said...

My current plan for 2010 involves being only partially employed in Canberra, I'm not allowed to vote here or work in the public service due to my refusal to get citizenship, and I think the Australian govt system is foolishly over-complicated. The last thing I voted on was a citizen-intiated referendum from NZ on smacking children. I violently objected to the emotive language used in the question so I voted for the option the person who wrote the question obviously didn't want me to vote for. If Kettle's mum falls through I think I could muster some suitably cranky commentary on the election.

eat my shorts said...

Have a fabbo trip, EMS.

Ta dude. I'll do me best.

I for one EMS can strongly recommend the political coverage here at TSFKA. I have for the past four years primarily used the former TH/TSSH for all my news from home.

I won't trust anyone else. I know these guys will tell me what's what.

Kettle said...

Tubular, given that I falsely attributed such filthy dialogue to my Mum it's probably best that the Kettle clan stays well away from Canberra. The Territory is yours.

WitchOne said...

If you won't become a citizen Tubular, don't make any comment on my fucking country. Until you join it officially, you don't exist and have no right of comment, on anything.

I once married a man with strong political views who wouldn't vote, it was never ever going to last not counting the fact he was also Tasmanian (sure you're ok EMS, some Tasmanians are, this one wouldn't bloody VOTE!).

So, in other news. There's an election happening??

Anonymous said...

Need some sunburn cream for that red neck of yours, WitchOne?

Perseus said...

Jeez Witchy, did Pauline Hanson hack your blogger password?

eat my shorts said...

Witchie: Maybe he was just a dickhead irrespective of the fact he was a Taswegian. Sometimes you can separate the two.

The Tasmanians I know are passionate about politics and voting and that kind of stuff. From what I've experienced, Tasmanians are interested in having their political voice heard, locally or nationally.

For example, a few Tasmanians might insist you boycott McCains right about now.

A whole bunch of Tasmanians got shirty about the little ole Franklin Dam back in the day, too.

Tasmanians like to think they're armchair experts on at least two things: the cricket (thanks to Boonie and Punter) and politics.

It's a little bit like little dog syndrome. We're small, but we like to think we make a lot of noise.

homesick said...

Witchey, I lived in the UK for 12 years and had the right to vote in all local and federal elections without having to become a citizen. I remember fondly a member of the BNP handing me a flyer and saying "Don't fuck this up Aussie girl.. you don't want those abos coming over here do you?" Noice

To be perfectly honest I didn't see what advantage there was to British citizenship if I was already allowed to both work and vote*

What really pissed me off was the Australian Govt of the day made it that if an Australian born Aussie wanted to take on another citizenship then they would have to surrender their Australian citizenship.. Section/Clause 69** (funny how I remember its name)

So if you were an immigrant to Australia and decided to become a citizen, then OK cool no problem, here is your new Australian passport and please keep your other one.

It felt kind of like when your Mum is nicer to your mate on a sleepover than she is to you "Jenny is our guest Homesick give her your bed NOW".

* all citizens of the Commonwealth who were UK residents could

** They've change it now.. to late for this little expat though.

TubularBells said...

If we followed your logic Witchy, we'd have to get rid of all foreign correspondents and stop commenting on what is happen in all other countries around the world cos, you know, we aren't citizens of those countries. Does that really sound reasonable to you? I know that as I am not a citizen, I don't get a say in the govt but that doesn't also mean that I can't observe and comment on what is going on around me.

kitten said...

Anyone who pays taxes in this country, and who is expected to live by its laws and regulations, is entitled to comment on the people who are put up for election to determine said laws and taxes.

However, as a non-citizen I would be more than happy to follow WitchOne's direction and refuse to pay taxes or abide by Australian law on the grounds that as I have no rights I also have no obligations.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You're an idiot Kitten.

You have exactly the same rights as any other person living in Australia.

kitten said...

You're the idiot Ramon. As a non-citizen I cant vote. That is the most basic of rights of which I am deprived.

I cant join the military or work for a government dept.

I also have no say in how my rates are spent despite owning a home here.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You said "I have no rights".

That's not the same thing as saying "I don't have some rights".

WitchOne said...

Sorry, badly expressed and that's not even taking into account the lack of sleep lately coming on top of reality hitting me in the arse.

Basically, people who live and work here yet refuse to become citizens and then make unpaid for comments on our political situation give me the shits.

Clear enough?

I think I have PMS too.

No I'm not racist, I just fail to see the point in making somewhere your home (the living and working part) and then refusing to take ultimate responsibility on that somewheres' future by actually having a say but feeling free to make your views public hence.

I doubt I said any of that very well but you get the idea.

Puss In Boots said...

But Witchie, don't you need to have lived somewhere for a certain period of time before you're eligible for citizenship? I tried to check that on the Australian Citizenship website, but got no straight answer.

However, if that's the case, you might be judging non-citizens who work here a little harshly. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone who intends to become a citizen expressing their thoughts about the country they live and work in. And even if they don't intend to become a citizen, I don't see anything wrong with it. I passed through 17 countries on my travels last year and made comments and observations about all of them. I had no intention of staying in any of them at the time. Are you saying I can't make those observations because I'm not a citizen of those countries?

Anonymous said...

Witchy, I can sympathise with you on the lack of sleep thing. I just thought I'd leave some unwanted opinion of my own before heading off to bed.

Basically, people who live and work here yet refuse to become citizens and then make unpaid for comments on our political situation give me the shits.

That seems harsh to me. I can't think of a reason that I'd want to object to another person voicing an opinion on any issue for any reason (well, it can be annoying when they do it with an actual voice, but the written word is so easy to just skip over). But yeah, even if I thought the opinion itself was dumb, I wouldn't object. Dumb opinions have their place. They make people look like dickheads and cause hilarious arguments. And sometimes people with dumb opinions have an opinion that isn't dumb at all, so you've sort of got to disregard the person and just take the opinions on their own merits. Sort of. I think.

No I'm not racist, I just fail to see the point in making somewhere your home (the living and working part) and then refusing to take ultimate responsibility on that somewheres' future by actually having a say but feeling free to make your views public hence.

I'm not having a go, but is anyone else confused by the way that "racism" seems to cover all aspects of culture, religion and nationality. I heard someone talking about racism towards Australians again the other day and all I could think was "what the fuck is the Australian race supposed to be?"

And Bob, I thought the photo was great. A picture truly is worth a thousand words.

TubularBells said...

You are right Puss, you do need to have been here for a while to get citizenship, the minimum is 3 years but it depends on the kind of visa you get. Dealing with DIAC is like having teeth pulled without anesthetic, and I think that Aussies tend to think that getting citizenship is a lot easier than it really is. Which is not to say that I think it should be easier, but people don't seem to realise that it is not like getting a drivers license or similar.

Anyway, getting citizenship isn't just about paperwork, there are strong emotions involved too. I haven't because it means I would have to renounce one of the two citizenships I already have, and the thought of doing that hurts on a gut emotional level. It doesn't mean I am not contributing to Australia, paying taxes, volunteering, working in an area of labour shortage, but I simply don't accept the view that you can only have loyalty to one country. Or with the idea that settling in Australia means being Australian to the exclusion of all others, the aim underpinning that which seems to be for a homogeneous society. How boring would that be!

WitchOne said...

Puss, my reaction was knee jerk and extreme to Bells saying she refuses to get citizenship here yet she was commenting on a political post, and now she has explained why. I still can't see how she has the right to comment on something when she refuses to empower herself to go about changing it if she doesn't like it.

Truly Alex, I've no idea, it's a common buzz word, everyone knows what you're getting at and it's easier to type "racist/racism etc" than using the correct terminology which escapes me right now anyway.

Back to EMS, I lived in Tassie for some number of years and was heavily involved in politics at the time, remember Bob Cheek? I helped him with his election campaign and he came to my wedding. Nice guy, we had a tie joke, his wife thought it hilarious.

So, while I regularly have a dig at Tassie, I'm only bitter I couldn't afford to stay there forever but sadly, working requires a job to go to.

Tasmanians do make a lot of noise EMS, and it's always been a great source of joy to me that this is so.