Friday, December 18, 2009

Poetry Slam Friday

You do not always know what I am feeling.
Last night in the warm spring air while I was
blazing my tirade against someone who doesn't
me, it was love for you that set me

and isn't it odd? for in rooms full of
strangers my most tender feelings
writhe and
bear the fruit of screaming. Put out your hand,
isn't there
an ashtray, suddenly, there? beside
the bed? And someone you love enters the room
and says wouldn't
you like the eggs a little

different today?
And when they arrive they are
just plain scrambled eggs and the warm weather
is holding.


Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Beautiful stuff, Pers.

BTW, scrambled eggs is my signature dish.

That and chops.

squib said...


Melba said...

I loved this.

I like scrambled eggs, but I love poached eggs.

Mad Cat Lady said...

sigh 'slovely - you have improved my morning immensely

squib said...

Poached eggs are my favourite but I can't seem to make them just right

wari lasi said...

Nice perseus, and just how I feel today. Back from Thailand tomorrow in company.

Squib, do you use vinegar in the water? Mrs L is not a fan but I reckon it gives the white a nice flavour. And I find if you use the eggs straight from the fridge while they're still cold they don't spread out as much.

Melba said...

There are a few tricks, squib, but it seems that freshness is key.

Vinegar can help, but doesn't if egg is not fresh.

A good, firm simmer verging on boil.

Don't overcook. Obvs.

Also swirling the water into a mini whirlpool can help and then drop first egg into middle gently. Second egg just has to make do. This works sometimes, not others leading me to postulate the most important factor is EGG FRESHNESS.

I am very particular about scrambled eggs too. Can't stand the overcooked, dried out rubber. I'm sure you don't cook them like that Ramon if they are your specialty dish.

Have to run to dentist now. Bob don't rob the house while I'm out!

Mad Cat Lady said...

Quick! wheres Melba stash the liquor?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Don't drink the Limoncella!

I don't think it's ready yet.

Mad Cat Lady said...

does anybody here know how to make eggnog?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...


An omelette with added alcohol and snot?

Sounds delicious!!

Melba said...

Limoncello is indeed not ready yet. We have just recently passed the 40 day mark of infusion. Lemon peel is not yet snapping like a potato chip so requires more time.

Limoncello will be transported to new place of residence tomorrow which is when we move.

Enormous week is almost over THANK FUCK.

Melba said...

By the way.

We need a new bed (ie mattress and base.)

Any suggestions? I think Clokes prefers softish but I want hard. Our current bed is like a boat, I hate it.

Some people have recommended a foam type of thing, which makes me worried as I think it would be too hot.

I want him to be able to toss and turn and me not move an inch.

squib said...

Wari, I like the vinegary taste and I've done all the right things but I always undercook or overcook them

Melba, we have a latex mattress. Very expensive and very, very uncomfortable in a hard, sweaty kind of way. Also, with any foam mattress, check the smell. Sometimes they stink of chemicals and there's no getting rid of the smell

Perseus said...

I know you probably know but just in case you don't know, I didn't write this poem. I wish I did but I didn't.

I eat fried eggs because I am a man.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I like fried egg and fried sausage.

Cath said...

Melba, what about one of those dial a number bed - that way you can doze and your bedtime partner can thrash away and not disturb you at all.... allegedly.

Leilani said...

Melba, I just bought a new bed, finally a king size. I got it from a slightly dodgy looking place, that came highly recommended, in Preston. I don't think that's handy for you but if you're interested I can get you details. It has one of those wool pillowtops (sorry my bed language is lacking) and it is incredibly comfortable and was $900.

Also, I just picked up a Delicious mag which has two limoncello recipes in it; one involves chicken the other recipe is for limoncello icy poles. Have you seen this?

Leilani said...

ps really love the poem. Who did write it?

Perseus said...

Frank O' Hara.

patchouligirl said...

I like the poem but the lines seem to be ending in the wrong places which was a bit off putting.

I love boiled eggs. Simple, don't have to wash up a fry pan, easy to get right and they never crack if you use an egg pricker. Yes, such a gadget does exist and once you have one you will never go back.

On beds, get as close to a Sealy Posture-pedic as you can. Marvelous beds, firm mattress. We got ours through a friend of a friend at a mattress factory in Western Sydney. He was a Greek fellow who said "for friend of Suzzanne I give you better than Sealy". He didn't lie. Fabulous bed, $700 and still going well nearly 10 yrs on. One thing to make sure is you get a good mattress protector from the start, even perspiration can leave marks on a mattress after a few years and they are near impossible to clean.

Melba said...

Thanks people for bed info. The place in Preston - I think I know the one. Someone in the family has told us to go there as well. Leilani, what type of mattress is it? Is it on a base? Is it firm/hard or soft? Do you feel your partner move when they turn over? Sorry for probing qns.

Also a limoncello recipe with chicken? Yuck. Haven't seen either of those. The icy poles I imagine would be quickie ones. Not like the recipe I'm following (80+ days.)

squib, with the eggs. It's just trial and error. Once the white looks white and doesn't seem to have any grey/translucency, then get 'em out quick. Don't have the water on a mad roil, and also I sometimes wash the tops of the eggs if they are sticking out a little. Keep a very close eye on them, and get them out sooner rather than later. As soon as the white is white.

RandomGit said...

I fry the top of my eggs by spooning the hot bacon fat in the pan over them.

Also, I actually liked this poem, and I have a long history of not getting poetry.

I blame the small coastal shithole school I went too. And general laziness.

"Put out your foot, isn't there
a massage, suddenly, there?"

Perseus said...

"Put out your foot, isn't there
a massage, suddenly, there?"

Gold, Git. Gold.

WitchOne said...

Poached eggs are best done in the frypan, bring the water to a simmer, whack in an egg ring and drop in your egg. A bit of vinegar is good but not necessary. Remove eggs with an egg flip (holey spatchula type device) as soon as the whites are white and the yolks are still runny looking (kind of sunny side up without the fried edges).

If frying bacon and eggs, make sure you add some sliced apple. Mmmm.

Also, have a second frypan ready and fry the crumpets in real butter.

Breakfast fit for a, well, not "fit" per se for anything but damned good!!

Kettle said...

Hey Pers, do you reckon O'Hara is loving the plain scrambled eggs or firing some dill and smoked salmon at them?

Dr. Golf said...

Most people fuck up scrambled eggs by having the pan too hot. It needs to be a really, really low heat.

And don't be tempted by Jamie Oliver's orange juice instead of milk version. Vom.

wari lasi said...

and they never crack if you use an egg pricker

Had one patch but I never liked it. And tell people to pick the broad end remember, where the air sack is. Otherwise it's a really interesting experience. Bizarre string-like substance floating around.

The trick with boiled eggs (i've boiled thousands, we love them out fishing, with Maggi sauce, yumm) is the reverse of poached eggs. Don't use them straight out of the fridge. Make sure they're room temperature (eggs don't really need refigerating anyway) and you watch them, turn the heat down when the water starts boiling, not so it stops boiling, but so that it doesn't go crazy with them bouncing all over the place. Then 3 minutes boiling (not longer! I hate hard boiled eggs) and straight in the sink with tap water running over them. They're much easier to peel hot but hard to transport. The jury is still out re making them easier to peel after they've cooled down, but a chicken farmer said that's got a lot to do with what they were fed.

There you go, typical of me, a long story about nothing. But my boiled eggs never crack, without picking.

wari lasi said...

And on beds, throw money at the problem. Big is good. King size (your partner can do what they want, they're 3 feet away) and a good mattress is really thick, like more than a foot thick. The boutique hand made ones are best but will cost 2 grand for the whole shebang. And a woolen underlay, I love them.

But by far the most important feature of a good bed is who you're sharing it with. Of course.

Leilani said...

Melba, I emailed you responses to your probing bed questions.

patchouligirl said...

A king size bed is ok in a room that will fit it. If you're going to be moving house it may be safer to get a queen size.

eat my shorts said...

And don't be tempted by Jamie Oliver's orange juice instead of milk version. Vom.

That is easily the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.

Jamie Oliver should be shot for that.

kitten said...

You guys must still be living in the past century. Poached and scrambled eggs are best done in a microwave!

Take an individual muffin cup type thing, add water, heat in microwave for 60 seconds. Take out, add egg, put back in microwave for 50-60 seconds depending on whether you like your yolk runny or hard. Perfect every time.

Scrambled - in a measuring jug add eggs, milk, butter, herbs, chilli flakes, mustard (depending on your tastes), whisk, put in microwave for about 90 seconds (depending on whether you like your eggs dry or still a bit liquid).

In the time it takes to cook the eggs your toast is done. No pans to wash, no time wasted. 2 minutes max, and done perfectly to your taste every time.
In the time y
In the time y

Anonymous said...

You didn't tell us how to microwave your toast, kitten. Doesn't it end up all limp and soggy after 2 minutes?

Puss In Boots said...

Gross, kitten. I am a firm believer that microwaves are for reheating, not for cooking.

I once went to a Tupperware party where the demonstrator was extolling the virtues of their microwave range. She proceeded to say that she put her meat in the bottom compartment of one dish, and her vegetables in the top part, and then microwaved it for a quick and easy meal. I was so shocked and horrified I gasped rather loudly. Everyone turned to look at me and I had to explain that I thought cooking meat in a microwave was just about the most disgusting thing I had ever heard. Thankfully, most of the group agreed with me.

Microwaves are not for cooking.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Microwaves are not for cooking

Why not?

squib said...

"Steaming left antioxidants almost untouched, while microwaving virtually eliminated them, the team found"

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Just as well I don't eat veggies, then.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

See also

The majority of research suggests microwave cooking is just as nutritious as other methods and may have some benefits..

squib said...

Let me see, who should we believe? The scientists in an international peer-reviewed science journal or the ABC's CSIRO 'expert'? A tough one, that

I'll take the AGA over the microwave

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Can't say I'm fussed either way Squib, as I mostly exist on grilled chops.

Puss In Boots said...

It's just my personal opinion, Ramon. You guys can do whatever you want, but there is no way I am cooking in a microwave. It's just wrong, as far as I'm concerned. Have you ever seen meat cooked in a microwave? It has a weird grey colour about it. Gross.

kitten said...

I do agree Puss with the meat in the microwave thing. Except casseroles - they come out quite nice. But I swear by the eggs - try it once and you'll see. Eggs are about the only thing I cook in a microwave these days - normally I stir fry meat and veges.

Puss In Boots said...

Make sure you don't microwave whole eggs, kitten.

Puss In Boots said...

Here's a good reason not to cook stuff in the microwave: it doesn't taste as good.

Melba said...

Thanks for email Leilani. Have replied.

Also can I register my anti-microwave beliefs? We don't have one, we don't need one. Defrost? What about the fucking air in the room? Won't happen quickly enough? How about some good old-fashioned organisation. Really need it now? Eat something else while it's defrosting.

They just take up space, look ugly, are unnecessary, are possibly dangerous and "real" cooks don't use them. I look down on people who use microwaves. Yes, I do.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

They're not dangerous.

Melba said...

I said "possibly" so they might be.

Perseus said...

I missed this thread. I don't own a microwave. I've never been tempted to own one. I don't care for the arguments in favour... food tastes better out of normal ovens. And I second Melba's arguments. I defrost meat in the morning, thus saving me from owning an ugly box that takes up space on my bench.

patchouligirl said...

I missed this microwave discussion as well. Perseus, my microwave is on a shelf (built for this purpose) above the kitchen bench occupying nothing but air space.

I've lived without a microwave and missed it terribly. I agree there are things you would not cook in a microwave i.e. steak, roast dinner, cakes.

There are also things it is brilliant for. An example was heating the Christmas plum pudding. I had a choice of 50 mins simmering over a pot of water or 3 mins in the microwave. Which are you going to choose seriously? Isn't it easier to reheat something in the bowl rather than getting out saucepans?

Defrosting has been mentioned but I have issues with defrosting on the kitchen bench over long periods of time and think the microwave invites less bacteria, flies etc.

As for cooking - have you folks seriously not got one of those $10 microwave rice cookers? I love that I can whack the rice on and not have another pot cluttering up the stovetop, particularly when I'm using my bigger pans. Vegies are fabulous and fast in the rice cooker and it is easier to wash up than a pot as less sticks. Mashed potato is perfect in the rice cooker. I put a plate under mine in case it overflows and it takes a bit to get the times perfect so you dont overcook things but once you've nailed it you will use it all the time. Sorry for the long comment but I love my microwave.

Melba said...

Meat etc is meant to be defrosted in the fridge. No flies, bacteria.

We had leftover plum pudding on Boxing Day.

"No microwave," I said.

"Let's eat it cold," everyone replied.


patchouligirl said...

I can put a kilo of meat from the freezer into the fridge the night before and its still pretty frozen the next afternoon. Give me the microwave any day. And cold plum pudding? What's the ice cream going to melt over? Blahhh. And while I'm on the subject of reheating what about babies bottles? Theres nothing easier or faster than the microwave for heating a bottle of milk. You can piss around with saucepans - I'm done, gone and on to the next thing.

eat my shorts said...

I'm all for microwaves, for lots of the above-mentioned reasons.

Also, they rock for par-boiling spuds before you whack them in the oven with the Sunday roast (just make sure once you've drained them, you smush them up a bit and douse them in a splash of olive oil, a bit of salt won't go astray either).

Plus, in a Tassie winter, there's nothing better & quicker for breakfast than instant porridge from the microwave. I like mine with a spoonful of brown sugar and a dash of milk.

And, screw faffing about with a bench-top rice cooker/saucepan of rice on the stove, enter the microwave and you have the quickest/lowest maintenance side dish ever. EVER. (Apart from instant cous-cous of course.)

Finally, when EMS has PMS a sure-fire way of fucking over those cramps is to zap a heat pack in the microwave and apply to the affected area. If you're a smartypants like me, you have two heat packs, one for le stomach & one for le lower back.

Take this microwave hate & prejudice elsewhere! Vive le microwave!

Melba said...

I remain not only completely unconvinced but even more stubborn about this thing.

Babies bottles? The good old fashioned way. Boiling water in a jug. If you haven't got time to do that, then what kind of time are you spending with the baby? Some people also say there are molecular changes with heating milk in a microwave. Maybe it's one of those bullshit things, but who knows? Who really knows?

Period cramps. There is nothing finer than a hot-water bottle in water, and not just for cramps.

Kilo of mince that takes longer to defrost? Take it out two days ahead.

I am a luddite in many ways but none so much as when we start to the microwave. They are a prime example of consumerist manipulation. Completely unnecessary, a mere convenience. Like the mobile phones, and so much else in modern life.

patchouligirl said...

Thank you EMS - I use mine to par boil roast spuds too. Oh - and to defrost bacon for those spur of the moment bacon and egg brekkies.

patchouligirl said...

You know the Amish would love you Melba. I've lived without electricity, water, post, phone for 3 years and I reckon its crap. Give me a big plasma, fridge, washing machine and microwave. Technology = less mindless boring work. Less time boiling bottles = more time with baby.

Lewd Bob said...

I fear on this topic I'm simply an average Australian.

I own a microwave. I don't cook meat in it. Hideous idea. I defrost with it and sometimes cook veggies in it. My son also likes his milk heated in it for 26 seconds.

No more. No less.

Melba said...

You are right Patchouligirl, of course I want a fridge, electricity etc.

BUT NO MICROWAVE whatever you say.

I'd probably like the Amish too.

Anonymous said...

They are a prime example of consumerist manipulation. Completely unnecessary, a mere convenience. Like the mobile phones, and so much else in modern life.

So Melba, your point here is that microwaves are bad because they add convenience?

I think a mobile phone probably makes a good example of consumerist manipulation because it promises convenience but can actually make life more complicated, frustrating and stressful. A microwave just cooks food.

I have a microwave that I never use. I'm glad I have it though, because other people use it when they're here. Even the chefs I know use it. One of them was cooking corn cobs in it just the other day.

Melba said...

Oh Alex you're probably right. But my point was that you don't need one. We don't need mobiles. We don't need a lot of stuff but we buy it all because we are manipulated.

The idea of convenience itself and having our time freed up to do other more important things (shop? work?) is probably a part of the whole capitalist manipulation.

I had a microwave. It's perceived convenience was not enough to make me keep it. I gave it away and have never, ever missed it. And I tend towards laziness, so that has to say something.

Anonymous said...

So why are you on a computer, Melba?

Don't tell me you are one of these hypocritical people who like to criticise the tools of modern society (which some people actually find essential) all the while enjoying the use of those tools.

Melba said...

Answer A:

Obviously I am one of those hypocrites, Boogeyman.

What are you going to do about it?

Answer B:

I was bagging the microwave as unnecessary and I questioned the value-add in terms of net convenience gained. As far as I know coconut shells don't get me onto the Internet so I don't really have any other options than a computer.

I'm not one of those people who if they are staunch about one thing, has to then [stubbornly] be staunch about everything else in the subset. I pick and choose. If I were a lesbian, I'd wear makeup and maybe still be attracted to men. If I were a vegetarian, I'd probably be tempted by meat.

The only thing that I am hard and fast about, without compromise, without wavering, is I WILL NEVER VOTE FOR THE LIBERAL PARTY.

Anonymous said...

Uh huh. You started out bagging microwaves, before segueing into a rant about mobile phones, some great capitalist swindle conning people into buying goods they don't need, and possibly the nascent stirrings of a grand lecture on the evils of radio waves frying our brains.

I'm not sure if you're a Marxist, a Luddite, drunk, or part of a secret society plotting to overthrow the local JB hi-fi.

Anonymous said...

I'm not one of those people who if they are staunch about one thing, has to then [stubbornly] be staunch about everything else in the subset. I pick and choose. If I were a lesbian, I'd wear makeup and maybe still be attracted to men. If I were a vegetarian, I'd probably be tempted by meat.

Melba, I can accept that you don't like microwaves, but this just has me confused. I can see that you're talking about being staunch on one thing that's part of a broader subset(?), but I can't follow your examples. Isn't avoiding meat the single and only requirement for being vegetarian? Isn't being attracted to men, like, the one thing that makes a woman not a lesbian? Are my definitions too narrow? Why does make-up figure into it? What am I missing here?

Mr E Discharge said...

I'm not sure if you're a Marxist, a Luddite, drunk, or part of a secret society plotting to overthrow the local JB hi-fi.

You left out "Nexus Magazine Subscriber".

Ramon Insertnamehere said...


Hands off the local JB hi-fi.

patchouligirl said...

Aren't gas/electric ovens also unnecessary? Why did we get rid of wood fires/ovens other than convenience? Microwaves offer a far greater jump in net convenience as well as being more energy efficient.

As for the argument about food being inferior when cooked in a microwave, I guarantee you that I can cook two bowls of mashed potato or rice or steamed veg, one in the microwave and one on the stove and you will not be able to tell me which is which.

Melba said...

Hey Boogey, you omitted the indefinate article in front of "drunk" - an attempt at gallantry? I appreciate it.

I am all of those things you listed, except I have nothing against JB, and I don't subscribe to or read Nexus.

And where was the "rant" about mobile phones? I didn't rant.

Alex. All those examples were just to highlight my mercurial fickleness, and because you didn't understand what I was saying, you completely missed my point. I was being a little facetious as well. My point was I mix everything up at my whim and I like it like that. And "serious thinkers" can't handle it. They want me to fit in with them, into their box, so we can all hold hands in solidarity.

I pick and choose what I do and don't like. Isn't that my right? Do I have to stick to trended thinking/behaviour?

Plus I was being lighthearted. It obviously doesn't come across as such, just ask Bob. I thought the coconut shells were a bit of a hint, but my arguments are sincerely meant.

Puss In Boots said...

I'm half with Melba, and half with everyone else. The only function my microwave has is for reheating things that would take longer than 20 minutes to reheat on the stove/in the oven. And solely for reheating. I don't cook anything in it. I don't defrost anything in it.

So I can see why Melba refuses to use one, because I think cooking/defrosting in them is all kinds of wrong, but I can also see why everyone else is defending them, because I too reheated my Christmas pudding in it the day after Christmas.

Melba said...

Right on, Puss. And really, who cares whether I use one or not?

Melba said...

But I do care I spelled indefinite wrong. Just saw it. Poo.

Anonymous said...

I can assure you I formulated my sentence correctly.

I was just questioning whether you were 'drunk' at the time of your rants, not whether you were 'a drunk'.

As for your mercurial fickleness, I didn't realise that now passed as a synonym for sloppy critical thinking.

Melba said...

Whatever, Boogie, whatever. If it makes you feel better to score the point, then take it.

I didn't realise that this site had become a forum for critical and clear thinking on all topics. Obviously, microwaves need to be on the list with religion, sex and politics. Not to be discussed unless you are prepared to footnote and reference everything. And be very, very serious at the same time.

Controversial and inflammatory. Wow who would have thought.

I like to be provocative sometimes and stir the pot. Thanks for the entertainment.

Anonymous said...

I pick and choose what I do and don't like. Isn't that my right?

Damn right. I don't want you to get in my box and hold my hand, just a little clarification from time to time. Besides, it's more fun when everyone disagrees, isn't it? I say there should be more discussion of political, religious sex with microwaves.

Lewd Bob said...

it's more fun when everyone disagrees, isn't it?

No it isn't!

Melba said...

Thanks Alex, I was hoping someone would agree. But things do get boring when everyone agrees...

WitchOne said...

Awesome list of comments for me to come back and read!

Ahhh, the microwave, for reheating, occasionally (and daringly) "cooking" frozen veg in. This comes in handy if you forgot to shove them in a pot at the right time because the kids you aren't spending time with asked a question. Also handy when the baby you're ignoring starts yelling for a bottle and you have exactly 1 minute and 10 seconds in which to change the darlings nappy prior to feeding it a bottle so it will settle for the night and you can ignore it uninterrupted.

Apart from that, microwaves are not to be used.

Oh, maybe the emergency meat defrost (not steak or anything red and slabby as it toughens it) and certainly the winter porridge (EMS, try ground cinnamon, sugar and a chopped apple, or a knob of butter with your brown sugar and milk).

But apart from that, NO MICROWAVE!

Oh, has anyone mentioned corn on the cob? Sometimes that's important.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year for twenny ten. xxxxx

patchouligirl said...

I was counting on you Witchy as a voice of reason but you have dissapointed me on the microwave rice cooker front and my "masterchef" style challenge stands.

Isn't being drunk a pre requisite for posting comments? I hope I'm not sadly mistaken.

Right, gotta go newk some rice.

WitchOne said...

Sorry Patch, I want to be a purist, mind you, the microwave rice cooker would take much less room than the plug in bench top one I use now. Sometimes I'm too lazy to get the bench top one out and I just use a saucepan.

Crazy old world isn't it?