For those completely clueless, said writers produce gems like “drink in moderation”, “don’t wear revealing clothes” and “don’t goose the boss while shouting ‘let’s re-create Operation Barbarossa, you saucy minx’,” and so-on and so-forth.
Even more painful are the humorous takes on what to do and not do at the office Christmas party, as witnessed by The Dev in the Age today.
Therefore in keeping with the clichés of the season, I present the Ramon Insertnamehere guide to what to do and not do at the office Christmas party.
Don’t fuckin go.
For those who do work in an office, consider your co-workers for a moment.
Aren’t they the most insufferable bunch of arse-clowns you’ve every come across? I mean, you’d rather go wild on gin with Tony Abbott than spend a minute more than you have to in their malodorous presence.
Sweet Jesus.
For those of you who work from home, however, this is the perfect time to drink all those bottles of Polish vodka you’ve been storing and make abusive calls to the Pope while wearing a reindeer costume.
You know it makes sense.
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28 comments:
They are going to have games at our office christmas lunch :(
Crikey, you've second guessed me there Ramon. Just brushing off the ol' reindeer costume as we speak.
At a Christmas party many years ago, a colleague and friend of mine got blind fucking drunk. Our manager came up to me and simply said "Manage him."
"Fuck that," I retorted cleverly, cracking open another free beer. "Not my fucking job."
I left soon after.
The party or the job, Bob?
MCL, what sort of games?
I guarantee they'll be shit.
The party or the job, Bob?
Both at the same time.
Someone started to read an office Christmas party piece to me recently and I stopped them in their tracks with, They do that same article every year. God it's so boring. It will say don't photocopy your arse. I mean life is pointless, don't you think?
It is always interesting the snippets of information that come out over drinks. I always find these gatherings useful.
there is a version of scategories and a list of letters which are the first letter of the words of the title of christmas carols and trivia :(
and they are going to award funny joke prizes :(
Sound great, MCL!!
No wait, I mean, I'd rather on wild on gin with Tony Abbott.
Agreed, Ramon. Heartily agreed.
I am so glad right now that my office consists of myself, my boss, and my assistant. And my boss is very antisocial. Not much point in having a Christmas party when only 2 of you would go.
Although at my old Huge Corporation job, our Christmas parties were pretty good. But that was probably because I never drank anything and had left by 10pm, before any weird stuff happened.
What the hell did you do until 10 PM if you weren't drinking Puss?
Oh, there was a sit down dinner, and each group usually put on a funny skit/video of some sort. I know that sounds like torture, but they actually all were pretty funny. So yeah, they started at 7.30, and dinner was over by about 10, at which time I promptly exited.
I'm with you Ramon, I hate staff Christmas parties with every fibre.
However, I am not dead against games. At our family
Christmas a couple of years ago we had a family trivia quiz - all the questions related to things that happened as we were growing up. All the old boyfriends, neighbourhood eccentrics and bad fashion mistakes made appearances. It was fun and nostalgic - a bit like playing Galaga.
Oh crap. This is on the what NOT to do list then? Bugger.
Because I quit my job six months ago, this is the first time in five years I won't be felt up by our office Santa when I go to collect my Secret Santa gift.
Disappointed.
No, really. Don't take your office Christmas party for granted, because once you've quit, it's a bit weird if you rock up to it. And you'll miss it when you aren't allowed to go anymore, trust me.
The best work Christmas party I ever went to was back in my days in the hi-fi industry.
The owner of the company booked a top rating nightclub on a Saturday night.
About 10 o'clock, Rat, the Managing Director of the company took the stage and began his address.
The speech ran something like this:
"It's been a fabulous year, and as some of you may know, it's made me into an official millionaire, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Over the last few weeks, I've given a lot of thought as to how I can express my gratitude for the fabulous work and the many personal contributions that you've all made to the success of this business. After much consideration, I finally decided on a single gift that would convey my heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of you."
" I would like to ask Paul Mc Kay, Our group Assistant Manager to join me here on the stage"
(Paul rushes onto the stage, grinning like s Cheshire Cat,)
" Paul, you've been with us for just under five years now, and as a token of my gratitude to the entire staff, I like to say to you just three things, Paul, we all hold you in utter contempt, we all think that you are a dead set cunt and you're sacked, effective immediately"
" Thank you all and Merry Christmas"
Best Boss I ever had.
Mr E , you have lived my Christmas office fantasy.
Now that I am a full time domestic engineer I must revel in my Childrens class party at Christmas. Best thing to come from this year's party was my 8 year old debating with the West Indian children of her class "If Santa isn't real then neither is God". Her argument was "I haven't seen Santa but have you actually seen this God person? No no you haven't so back off"
I love an atheiest Xmas.. fun for all.
All I want for Christmas is for the Age to open up the Dev's articles for comments.
They tried it once or twice during the year with hilarious results.
And you'll miss it when you aren't allowed to go anymore, trust me
You're a sick freak, EMS.
And BTW, if anybody wants to have a crack at PSF tomorrow, you have my blessing to give it a red hot go.
You've got a new job Witchie!
Mazel tov.
Did you goose somebody at the Christmas party?
You did, didn't you.
You can tell us.
I have to 'host' a table of ten at a client Christmas dinner tonight.
I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.
What's 'Velvet'?
Legions of people seem to be going bare-foot lawn bowling for their Christmas parties in Sydney this year. It's so original everyone's doing it.
And Perseus, what a shame you can't choose the ten. Christmas parties are designed to fail, aren't they? Or at least leave you with murderous intent.
Legions of people seem to be going bare-foot lawn bowling for their Christmas parties in Sydney this year.
Pfft. How jejune.
Everybody's doing Croquet in Melbourne this year.
You're a sick freak, EMS.
Nu-uh!
Oh. All right then. Maybe just a tad.
Yeah Witchie what exactly is this 'velvet' you speak of?
Sexual act or narcotic?
We won't judge you Witch.
I will.
I judge everybody.
It's fun!!
Is there a taxi/sex scene in Blue Velvet? I know there is in that Kev Costner movie, with Sean Young.
Come on, we are all on the edges of our seats.
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