A Tensome

Here is the update on my stupid love life.

It's really messy right now, but at least I'm gettin' some.

Aside from me, there are 4 characters in this tale.

1. Ponygirl: My former lover, and unrequited love of my (recent) life, 26 years old. As you may recall, she has spent a lot of time with me this year, but she refused to have sex with me since returning from 9 months overseas.

2. Songstress: My more viable love interest. Single, 30 years old, mutual friends. She and I did sleep together, but from then on we struggled to meet up because she's always busy. She briefly took another lover, but dumped him, contacted me and was supposed to come on the road trip but her cousin Miss Flatmate scuttled that plan. We caught up once after the roadtrip and it was okay... but there was no sex.

3. Miss Flatmate: 22 years old, cousin and flatmate of the Songstress and fan of my band. A close friend who spends a lot of time with me as I pay her to work on my garden. That's not a euphemism. I'm growing a native garden.

4. Miss Rat: Divorcee, mother of three children, 41 years old, former bikini model, has been my friend since we were fifteen years old.

**

After the roadtrip I decided to really apply myself to the whole Songstress thing. But, she just bought a house and is moving soon, plus her two bands are working heavily, the album comes out next week, plus she works a variety of jobs and has hardly any time to spare. She kept making dates with me, then cancelling. In amidst all that, I got a call from my old friend Miss Rat who invited me around for a night. "I've just finished breast-feeding the youngest," she said, "...and I haven't had sex since conceiving him more than two years ago. I need some attention." I think Gen Y refer to this as a "booty call". I obliged, for old time's sake. Having known her for 25 years, we have, over the times, in between her three marriages, shagged often. She's into bondage, which makes me giggle, but if I drink enough I can play the role she expects me to. So, I went over and spent the night and it was fun. I hadn't had sex for two months (Songstress was the last - Feb)and it was all cool. Since that night, Miss Rat has taken on two other lovers. A local cop, and a neighbour, plus me (in theory, even though I haven't been back, but I'll be visiting next week).

Songstress was supposed to come down to me the following weekend, but she cancelled on the Friday. She said she would be definitely come down the following weekend.

Then she cancelled again on that next Thursday.

I got annoyed. We're supposed to be in the 'getting to know you' phase and we just never see each other. I offered to come up to Melbourne many times but she kept saying no, so I gave up on her.

Ponygirl happened to ring and I said, "Songstress just cancelled me for about the 10th time. Wanna come down for the weekend?" and she did.

I thought it would be our usual sort of weekend. Get drunk, play rummikub, have no sex. She announced when we sat down that she has two lovers in Melbourne... Young Lesbian, and Lapsed Catholic Boy. I said, "I'm a bit jealous, but at least I got some with my bondage friend, Miss Rat."

Anyway, one thing lead to another, and after a 15 month drought, Ponygirl and I shagged. I think it was because she knew I was getting some elsewhere, and I was less of a chance to start hassling her to be my girlfriend, especially given that she has two lovers in Melbourne anyway. We spent Friday to Monday together, and there was much physical activity.

We caught up again last Tuesday night, briefly. Dinner on Sydney Road, and Miss Flatmate also came along. I said to Miss Flatmate, "Your cousin Songstress is supposed to come down to my place this weekend, but she'll probably cancel again, as she always does."

"She probably will cancel," said Miss Flatmate, "Because, well, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but she has two lovers at the moment. Buff Handsome Man and Hip-Hop Guy."

"Fucken hell," I said, "Well, that's okay, cos Ponygirl and I hooked up, and Miss Rat and I hooked up as well," and the three of us had a laugh.

But deep down, I was upset. As much as I love Ponygirl, I have given up on having her as a girlfriend. I must be content with having her as close friend, and sometimes lover. But Songstress... she was an option, and it turns out, she's just not that into me.

Sure enough, like clockwork, Friday night just gone, Songstress rings and says, "Sorry, have to cancel the weekend."

"Why?" I asked.

"Look, to tell you the truth Perseus, I've been shagging these two guys in Melbourne."

"I know," I said, "Your cosin Miss Flatmate dobbed on you. Hip-Hop guy and Buff Handsome Man. I know all about them"

"Little dobber!" she yelled.

"But I don't care. I have two lovers myself. Ponygirl and Miss Rat. And each of them have an extra two lovers. There must be something in the air."

"Oh, in that case, if we're being all open about it, I'll come down," she said.

And she did. She came down Saturday night and we had a great night, and we're catching up Tuesday night in Melbourne.

So, I have three lovers (rains, pours): Miss Rat, Songstress and Ponygirl.
Miss Rat has three lovers: Me, Local Cop and Neighbour.
Ponygirl has three lovers: Me, Young Lesbian and Lapsed Catholic Boy.
Songtsress has three lovers: Me, Buff Handsome Man and Hip-Hop guy.

That's a love triangle with ten points (cop that, geometrists).

The fuck? Honestly, I don't know how I get myself into these things. Actually, I do. Desperation. Clinging at straws. Bachelordom does weird things to your head. You may think, "Oh stop complaining, you're getting sex and you're in the mix," and it's true to an extent, I'm having fun when I am with these women, but the in-between times are a barren emotional wilderness. I have that sick feeling in the stomach. I feel rotten, and used in a way, and a user in another way. It's rubbish.

The only positive I can put on it is that after three years of having only Ponygirl in my wider romantic net, Songstress has at least matched her. I've ruined all other chances at romance over the past three years because whoever I meet just doesn;t compare to Ponygirl, and finally, I found one that does. It's just that she happens to have two other lovers.

I don't know how all this will end, but in a fortnight, Songstress has her album launch and there will be at least 6 of the 10 players in this fruity melodrama at the show. Maybe that'll be the next post.

**

Oh, and as an aside: I actually told this yarn to a chick I know, a 22 year old Goth called Batgirl, and she immediately asked if she could come down for a night of lust. I said no, but that's not the point. The point is that she found it sexy. Aren't girls supposed to be put off by guys who 'play the field'? Why, after just telling this girl I have three lovers, did she want to be a fourth? This is the exact opposite of what people are supposed to be like.