Weekend Wrap

Richmond won for the first time since last August. No matter what evil befell me on Saturday night, nothing could dampen my spirits.

Songstress had her CD launch on the weekend.

Being that last time I wrote about my lovelife she was in the number one spot as potential girlfriend, you'd think I would be excited about attending, but no. I was ambivalent to the max.

I got dumped, sort of, you see. You may recall that I was one of three lovers on rotation in Songstress's life, but this list has been culled to one and that one is not me. Buff Man got the gig. Not that Songstress actually told me this. I heard it from her cousin, Miss Flatmate. But, my dignity still clinging, I decided to go to the CD launch anyway so as not to appear frail.

I had it all planned. Take Ponygirl. That would send a message of, "See, I don't need you anyway. I can attend a CD launch with your other lovers, because, well, look here, I have other lovers of my own..." and Ponygirl was up for the role.

Thing is but, Ponygirl pulled out three days' before. She had double-booked, and the other booking was a family birthday party in the country and so I lost my date.

So, I just went with some mates, as well as Miss Flatmate.

I got there, and Miss Flatmate looked haggard and tired and when I asked what she wanted to drink she said, "Water."

"What's up with you?" I asked.

She said, "Oh, I went on a massive all night bender with Ponygirl last night."

"What? My Ponygirl?"

"Yes."

Bear in mind, they only met two months ago, through me. I didn't even know they had each other's numbers, let alone were likely to hang out.

"It was massive," she said, "We went to this huge party and ate magic mushrooms and were dancing and tripping off our heads, as well as drinking, and we didn't get to sleep until 6am."

"Umm," I said, "Don't tell me she stayed at your house,"

"Yeah, she did. Why?"

"Did Ponygirl, umm, come across Songstress at your house?"

"Yeah, they had a quick chat in the morning."

"For fuck's sake," I said, "First of all, you are one of my best friends, Ponygirl is my lover and one of my best friends, and the two of you met through me only recently, and did it occur to either of you to invite me to this awesome night of decadence? I was at home watching Battlestar Glactica DVD's like a total spasmo! Second of all, I'm not too comfortable with Ponygirl and Songstress, two girls who I slept with within a week of each other, meeting in hallways."

"Whatever," said Miss Flatmate.

Buff Man was then pointed out to me. Wow. Talk about the anti-me. He was rugged and handsome, a little short but stocky and buff, with scraggly long hair, a tan, three day growth and a flanny shirt. There I was, tall-ish, scrawny, clean-cut, pale and in a suit. It was almost amusing.

Songstress performed her set, and ten minutes after it, I gave Songstress a kiss, said, "Well done," dutifully bought a CD and got the hell out of there.

We went to The Retreat in Brunswick, and someone had pills, so we had one.

At 3am, Miss Flatmate announced there was an 'Alice In Wonderland' party going on, so we decided to walk to it. It took 40 minutes to walk there, but when you're drunk and on a pill, it doesn't matter.

I was at the party for all of five seconds. I had just come through the back gate, and some people came in behind me. It was the cops. And, because I happened to be just inside the gate, they decided to approach the first person they saw, which was me.

"Whose party is this?"

"Dunno"

"You need to turn the music down,"

"There's music?"

"Where is the host of this party?"

"No idea. I just got here. I don't even know what suburb I'm in."

They looked at me and thought, "This man is obviously on drugs, and we have no interest in talking to him any further."

They left me alone.

We were at the party for no longer than ten minutes when Mad Irishman decided we were all moving on.

Back at Mad Irishman's house there was me, him, and two girls. One was Leggy, who is the lover of Fanboy, a member of my band (you may remember from ages ago that Leggy once tried to hook me up with her friend who looked like a horse, but instead I picked up a Mormon). The other girl back at Mad Irishman's house was Leggy's best friend, Spiderwoman, a goth. Both girls are 20 years old.

We drank a bottle of wine and it was 5am. Time for bed.

There were two beds, and Mad Irish said, "I'm not sleeping with Perseus, so I think that one girl should come with me and one with Perseus. I can be trusted not to attempt to have sex with either of you girls, but I will probably put my arm around you."

I said, "I can be trusted with you Leggy, as you are Fanboy's girlfriend. I won't even put my arm around you. But Spiderwoman, I can't be trusted with you. If you are in bed with me I will jump you. That can be guaranteed."

So Leggy says, "In which case, I shall sleep in the bed with Perseus, because I know him very well and know he can be trusted with me."

Spiderwoman said, "And I don't know you at all Mad Irishman, and don't know if you can be trusted or not. So, I will only sleep in a bed with Leggy."

Therefore, I had the two girls in bed with me, and Mad Irish had a drunken tantrum about this along the lines of, "It's my house but Perseus gets to sleep with the two girls" and we're not sure what happened to him because when we awoke the next day he was gone.

In bed, I was on the end, Leggy in the middle, being a protector, and Spiderwoman on the other end. I announced that given even a slight chance, I would jump Spiderwoman, but not whilst Leggy was in the bed. We stayed awake and chatted, and then Leggy got up to go to the bathroom. She gave us five minutes. I rolled over and Spiderwoman and I snogged and copped a bit of a feel for the five minutes, then Leggy returned. I was satisfied with that, and we all went to sleep.

The end.