Monday, September 1, 2008

Nikki Hudson = Evil Bitch

When will sporting stars learn that in return for stardom they are forbidden from being human?

Some shameless hussy from the Australian Hockey Team wrote on her Facebook page the following:

"Nikki thinks the running of the bulls should be changed and we should be chased by the spainish (sic) mens hockey team. I would definately (sic) make sure I got caught and impaled!''

and,

""Nikki has a black eye from all the girls pushing me out of the way to get prime position by the window seeing naked aussies in rooms across from us!!!''

The grammar is bad enough, as is her habit of talking about herself in the third person, but of course her worst crime is acting and writing like a normal member of society. This is a disgrace! She apologised to Hockey Australia today, but I don't think an apology is enough. She must be made an example of and be fired from the Australian team and perhaps given a prison sentence. Upon release, she should also do a tour of schools to talk of the evils of expressing oneself honestly in a public forum, and for having desires other than the pre-approved 'Gold For Australia'.

To all TSFKA's regular sporting star readers, may I reiterate Australian society's contract with you:

1. You must only speak in pre-approved cliches.

2. You must not express yourself as an individual because you are not an individual. We own you.

3. You must never dabble in narcotics, and we'll test you on your holidays, at your home, in the middle of the night to make sure you haven't had so much as a puff of a joint. The fact that no other occupation on Earth is subject to drug-testing for narcotics is neither here nor there.

5. You have no life other than your sport. You do not exist beyond your sport. No matter who you are, where you come from and what you aspire to, you are a 'role model' for Our Kids (TM) and as such, you must be without blemish, totally compliant to the greater society's whim and preferably a virgin.

Shame, random hockey player, shame.

35 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Didn't the Australian Hockey Team get a bit of a spanking in their Olympics match?

Is "spanking" the correct term?

Is "match"?

Boogeyman said...

Status: Boogey says, Perseus, Facebook prepends your FB name to the beginning of your status, so it limits you to sentences about yourself, in the third person, that begin with your own name.

WitchOne said...

The Feds do the random drug testing thing to all employees.

squib said...

lol Boogey is right Persey

I still find definitely tricky, poor Nikki

Loose Shunter said...

Perseus,

Train drivers and other safety critical rail personnel also get to piss in a jar too. At any time, at random.

Train drivers have a great (possibly) urban myth that eating too much orange poppyseed cake will make your urine test positive for opiates.

LS

Perseus said...

I really should do some research. Then again, that's girly.

I've never seen Facebook, and now I know you have no other option other than 'third person', I ain't touchin' it.

As for drug testing - do they test Feds and train drivers on their holidays?

Boogeyman said...

I've never seen Facebook, and now I know you have no other option other than 'third person', I ain't touchin' it.

Boogey thinks Perseus is a curmudgeonly old Luddite, and reckons Artemis and Josh the wet wet wet vegan probably use Facebook all the time.


lol Boogey is right Persey

Persey? Heh. Fess up, Perseus. IRL you're a small cheeky green engine from the Island of Sodom, aren't you?

Perseus said...

She dumped Josh the wet vegan last week, and is coming down this weekend. But I am a curmudgeonly old Luddite. I had to Google 'IRL' to find out what the hell you were talking about.

Perseus said...

And anyway, she should've written: "Nikki has a black eye from all the girls pushing her out of the way..."

Boogeyman said...

Actually, she should have written "Nikki has a black eye because the Spanish men's hockey team can't shoot straight", but that might have been a wee bit more controversial.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The Feds do the random drug testing thing to all employees.

Thank fuck I work for the Victorian public Service.

WitchOne said...

Ramon, I hate when people put the "l" in the word "public" it deprives me of all the cheap thrills I had set aside for the day.

Stop it!

wari lasi said...

Perseus, so it's this weekend?

Do you think she'll mind you having to take time out to update your TSFKA pals as to your progress?

And how's the body building coming along?

WitchOne said...

Damn it, I'm going away and will be home late Saturday, I hope I don't miss the next installment!!

Mr E Discharge said...

There seems to be a trend developing towards the use of incongruous word couplings here abouts lately. First it's "Clem Barstow" and "Walkley", now it's "Victorian Public Service" and "Work". We're on a slippery slope here , people. Just Sayin'.

Perseus said...

Perseus and Artemis finally kiss.

Artemis: Where are you going?
Perseus: Umm, just to the study.
Artemis: Why?
Perseus: To tell complete strangers on the internet that we're kissing.

As for the bodybuilding, I have put on 3kgs in 3 weeks. I was at 71.3 kg this morning. There is a slightly noticable increase in bicep and calf muscle, but everything else looks the same unfortunately.

Mr E Discharge said...

Relax Witchy, my people will be secretly filming the whole thing.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

See, I'm thinking heart-warming indie film, with Noah Taylor playing Perseus.

Mr E Discharge said...

I was thinking more along the lines of Seachange meets Albert Camus.

Perseus said...

We look nothing alike in the face, but he has my physique.

Did you see 'Nostradamus Kid' about Bob Ellis? Taylor was probably mid-20s playing the role, and in the last scene they cut forward to the present and Taylor had to portray Bob as a 50 year old. It was an okay film until that point. It looked like a 12 year old did his make up, and the rotund belly was a pillow shoved down his shirt.

Perseus said...

"Seachange meets Albert Camus."

Oh, I'm using that.

Mr E Discharge said...

Perseus,
It's unclear at present if the project wil get a "Commercial Release" but have you considered that as a personal option?

Boogeyman said...

How about "Edward Scissorhands meets Wolf Creek"?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Flirting meets Rogue

I seeing Cate Blanchette in the role of "Artemis".

Boogeyman said...

I seeing Cate Blanchette in the role of "Artemis".

And Russell Crowe to lose 50kg, dye his hair black and start reading Proust in preparation for his role as 'Perseus Q'.

catlick said...

Train drivers have a great (possibly) urban myth that eating too much orange poppyseed cake will make your urine test positive for opiates.
This Seinfeld episode may be the source.

Fad MD said...

you're a small cheeky green engine from the Island of Sodom

So that's why they're always shunting each other.

Puss In Boots said...

Snopessays it's not an urban legend.

Perseus said...

Nietzsche, Boogey. Nietzsche. Besides, I look far more like Crowe's sidekick Paul Bettany than Crowe, and Bettany won't hit the crew over the head with telephones.

Don't know about Blanchett either. She's tall, thin and blonde. My Artemis is short, average weight, bit of a bogan and a brunette.

Dannii Minogue?

Hmm, Paul Bettany and Dannii Minogue in a film about our courtship. Jeez, it'll be a shit film with no storyline. In which case, we're probably guaranteed funding and at least 4 AFI's.

Boogeyman said...

So that's why they're always shunting each other.

That's why the Troublesome Trucks always appear to have sex face on.

homesick said...

Sweet Jesus people.. Noah Taylor?

I was thinking more along the lines of James McAvoy.

Paul Bethany would be just fine too... and yet he was pretty buff in 'Wimbledon'.

Oh Perseus is she really a bogan Dannii Minogue? You could do so much better and you know it.



Oh I'm sorry, back to Nicki Hudson.



Who?

Loose Shunter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Loose Shunter said...

Fad, Boogey,

So that's why they're always shunting each other.

That's why the Troublesome Trucks always appear to have sex face on.


stop stealing my lines!

The engines on the Isle of Sodom do like shunting, sometimes 'hump shunting', sometimes 'loose shunting' and I'm sure on those steep hills around the island they go in for a bit of rear-end banking as well.

Filthy, filthy, railways. I've got a million of them. Gland packing, nipple greasing, squealing flanges and flange greasers...

LS

squib said...

Only a few weeks ago she was a Greek goddess, now she's a bogan Dannii Minogue... is this a slippery slope and where will it all end?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Edward, the blue tank-engine, is a filthy scab!

Mrs INH: "Ramon, stop booing and shouting 'scab' when Edward comes on. You're frightening The Boy."