Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Ramon's 30-second guide to Federal politics

Ahead of the leadership biffo in the Federal Liberal Party.

1. "Half" Nelson squeaks back.

2. "Half" continues to tank in the polls.

3. Six months later the Libs, mad with despair and rage, elect Turnbull. Dennis proclaims "Liberal victory is just around the corner".

4. Kruddy goes late in 2009 and is rewarded with an increased majority, with the Greens holding the balance of power in the Senate.

5. Dennis spends the next three years, warning of a "Labor-Green Alliance" until his brain explodes.

6. Nation rejoices, declares Kruddy "President for Life".

OK, so I'm not so sure about the last bit.

UPDATE.

It's Turnbull - 45 to 41.

Dennis preparing tomorrow's lead

"In a bold move that has put the party back on the road to victory, etc, etc, etc"

36 comments:

WitchOne said...

They keep giving me news updates about this. Apparently the lobbying "didn't stop last night".

Okayyyyyy?????????

Perseus said...

Malcolm vs Kevin. Oh it's so Aussie.

Boogeyman said...

Oh well, so much for that promising job as a futurist, Ramon.

I don't mind Malcolm Turnbull, to be honest. I don't like his party, or many of his policies, but damn I do admire that man's tailor.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Boogey - meh, so I'm six months out. I still have a better track record than Dennis.

Perseus - if only we could throw in a "Chooka".

Witchie - who is the mysterious "they"?

Puss In Boots said...

I don't like either Turnbull or Nelson, so I'm not bothered either way.

I do find it somewhat amusing that Nelson thought he was getting the upper hand by ambushing everyone with the challenge. Perhaps that's why it went the other way, just to spite him.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Arrogant rich cunt v. smiley Kev.

No contest.

Stand by for the return of Costello, P.

Perseus said...

Ramon, lets just start calling Wayne Swan 'Chooka'. He looks like a 'Chooka'.

Malcolm reminds me a little of that other famous Liberal Malcolm (he of the no-pants fiasco).

Hopeless in office, quite impressive out of office.

Leilani said...

How long till he demotes Julie?

Leilani said...

OK hang on - is Malcolm seriously trying on the 'I come from a poor upbringing' line????

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That was a "WTF" moment for me too, leinani.

He then went to Sydney Grammar School's Senior school at College Street in Sydney

Yeah, he's really from struggle street.

Leilani said...

I love how he's slagging off Labor for being arrogant and not listening to the people. Has the 11 1/2 years of JHo's leadership been wiped from his memory?

Boogeyman said...

Malcolm reminds me a little of that other famous Liberal Malcolm (he of the no-pants fiasco).

And both standing somewhat to the left of many in their party.

Leilani, I think he's saying that he wasn't born into money, and came from a single parent family, so being rich is something he's worked at himself, rather than having it handed on a platter.

Leilani said...

Boogey, I got his whole aspirational stance but still - give me a break. They all wheel that shit out. Including KRudd. It's so fucking patronising.

Boogeyman said...

If he wants to lead the country he'll need a catchy nickname, just like K-Rudd and J-Ho had.

M-Turn? Manbull?

Leilani said...

Manbull is particularly evocative.

Boogeyman said...

"Meet Manbull. He has big horns and small L-s. He loves to be scratched behind the ears by Aussie battlers, but union thugs and monarchists are red rags to Manbull. Vote #1 Manbull for President in 2025."

written and authorised by Ramon Jnr for the Liberal Party

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What about Julia?

Doesn't she get a nickname?

Louche said...

but damn I do admire that man's tailor.

He's up near PJK in that respect. But oh, the smugness is unbearable.

Boogeyman said...

What about Julia?

Doesn't she get a nickname?


Julia is the Jaguill - feared red-pelted huntress of the night. Particularly fond of preying on the slower-moving Manbull. Typically prefers to attack from the left, although has occasionally been seen rearing up unexpectedly from the centre.

Stubbadub said...

occasionally been seen rearing up unexpectedly from the centre

As I am sure Ramon and Perseas are after all this talk of red-pelted huntresses.

Perseus said...

My nickname for Julia is 'er at 'ome.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Imaginary Julia is going to give you such a pinch when she reads that, Pers.

Perseus said...

She'll pinch me?

t7yoong one ahnded

Boogeyman said...

Perseus, stop using the dyslexic hand to type.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Fond of a bit of imaginary rough, are you Pers?

Perseus said...

I have to use the dyslexic hand to type because I need the good hand for elsewhat.

I LOVE imaginary rough with Imaginary Julia. Particularly when we invite Imaginary Kate Ellis around as well.

(Just running that cold shower now)

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Why does everything here seem to swing back to Perseus' love life?

Me: "My next post will be on the Albigensian Crusade."

Everybody else: "Yeah, sure, whatever you say Ramon. Has Perseus got his end away, yet?

Perseus said...

I'm happy for an embargo on my love life here at TSFKA for at least a month. I have nothing to report anyway. Besides, I might actually start up a new blog tonight, chronicling my imaginary sexual adventures with Imaginary Julia. I'll do it. Just you watch.

Back on topic: A work colleage of mine just said to me, "The Libs are all just a bunch of cunts, but I kinda feel sorry for Nelson. He got the job and ten seconds later they were sharpening the knives. Cunts."

Can we feel a bit sorry for him?

Boogeyman said...

My next post will be on the Albigensian Crusade.

Apparently one of Perseus's ex-girlfriends was a Cathar from Languedoc.

WitchOne said...

"They" are the ABC newsroom people. At least I don't *think* they were in my head.

Not Manbull.

Mandible.

Change the spelling and it's a joke even the bogans should get.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Witchie, if you have imaginary journos sending you imaginary news alerts, then perhaps you should see someone.

Someone real, I mean. Not that little pink owl that tells you to do bad, bad things.

shitbmxrider said...

Speaking of owls, does that owl on the Melbourne Water billboard advert(amongst a few other critters on different billboards) shit anyone else to tears?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Can we feel a bit sorry for him?

No.

Puss In Boots said...

Agreed. I'm pretty sure it was his report that fucked up my university fees and what not. I have no sympathy for him.

WitchOne said...

It's a pink owl?? I thought it was a fairy.

Damn you!!

Melbourne Water shits me to tears, regardless of their advertising.

Stubbadub said...

He got the job and ten seconds later they were sharpening the knives. Cunts.

I got the impression they were sharpening the knifes before he was elected, as you can’t have a sacrificial lamb without the lamb being present.