Monday, September 1, 2008

Clam Barstool is a monumental tool

The other day, while leafing through the usually excellent Walkley magazine produced by my union, the MEAA, I came across a piece written by our old friend – Clam Barstool.

I’m not going to provide a link – the article itself is turgid beyond belief – but poor old Clam takes the opportunity to rehash the unpleasantness of some months ago.

Amid from the whining and self pity, the Clammy one did manage to produce at least one par that made me laugh out loud.

Clem Barstow is a freelance writer, editor of The Dawn Chorus and associate editor of Defamer Australia.

Bugger me sideways, could this woman get any more pompous?

Freelance writer my arse, you produce the odd bar review at the end of the Age’s EG section.

Associate editor of Defamer Australia – you contribute to a D-grade gossip site because your mate Ausculture Jess got you the gig.

But the “editor of The Dawn Chorus” really gets me – she writes for a group blog with more contributors than readers.

If Clam is “editor of The Dawn Chorus” then I’m editor-in-chief of TSFKA and God-King of Preston.


Perseus said...

One has to earn one's title, not just assume them.

Perseus Q

Royal Senior Executive Vice-Chancellor Director Chair Advisor - TSFKA

Desci said...

Bags me Chief Ombudsman Comptroller-General of The Wog Bit of Preston (i.e., not the ghetto bit).

Perseus said...

Can't find the article. Garn, be a sport, make a link.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Perseus, it really isn't worth the time.

Desci, consider the title yours..

Boogeyman said...

Stop raining on poor Clam's parade, Ramon. Don't you realise that this gross resume-padding represents the zenith of her career as a writer?

Also, we don't want to attract sleazy Bill back again to defend her.

Also, I bags Executive Third Under Secretary of Recruitment and HR at TSFKA.

Fad MD said...

All hail God-king Ramon.

Ambassador Plenipotentiary sounds about right.

catlick said...

Could I bags "Senior Advisor To the Under Secretary's Assistant, Coastal Division"?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Bugger it, titles for everyone, I say.

R. Insertnamehere,
Editor-in-chief, TSFKA
God-King, Preston.

Leilani said...

Has she dropped bikini model from her title?

Does this mean I can call myself:
Senior Vice President, Strategic Planning and Stakeholder Management, Fucking Agro Society, Northote Division?

Boogeyman said...

Once again Ramon, another ground-breaking article for TSFKA.

Surely this is the only site where you will see the words 'Clem Bastow' and 'Walkley' mentioned in the same sentence and not bookending the phrase 'will never ever, unless hell freezes over and owls take high office, receive a'.

Also, if you want a chuckle, read the end of this Age article from a few months back that compares Clam with Carrie Bradshaw.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh dear God, Boogey.

Clam really is a walking self-parody.

Boogeyman said...

Oh dear God, Boogey.

The comma is superfluous, faithful one.

Mr E Discharge said...

Senior Vice President, Strategic Planning and Stakeholder Management, Fucking Agro Society, Northote Division?

If you were to add just another four letters to your title, you could pass yourself off as a Welsh railway station.

wari lasi said...

Boogey, I'm just wondering why our very own fashion victim, Puss In Boots, didn't rate a mention in that article.

But wait, maybe Puss is actually Clem? There you go Puss, you're outed. I'm a genius, no-one is safe from my deductive skills.

Stubbadub said...

Also, if you want a chuckle, read the end of this Age article from a few months back that compares Clam with Carrie Bradshaw.

Jesus Christ, that article is so vacuous I’m surprised a black hole didn’t open over Melbourne the day it was published.

Speaking of black holes, I have finally caught up with the current season of Dr Who, and is it just me or is there much more wailing, crying and knashing of teeth in this series? Are the writers getting us ready for the Doctor throwing a wobbly and bawling like a little bitch at the penultimate finale?

Boogeyman said...

Stubb, prepare for the return of the Doctor's greatest nemesis.

That's right. Mary Whitehouse is back from the grave.

Puss In Boots said...

Pfft, Wari. Wouldn't that require me to live in Melbourne? And we all know what I think of Melbourne weather.

Not to mention that as awful as Clem's writing is, mine would be much, much worse.

And I would never be caught dead with a "duplicate" of a designer bag. Nor would I ever compare myself to Carrie Bradshaw. I don't even watch that awful show.

Puss In Boots said...

And I don't have melty tits either, thank you very much!

Fad MD said...

So basically the last part of that article is comparing four women to SATC characters and all but the Clam in question say they're nothing like the characters.

Hmmm... and to think the journos going on strike might prevent us from reading masterpiece such as this.

wari lasi said...

And I don't have melty tits either

What are "melty tits"?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Wari, long story, don't ask.

I mean really, don't ask.

Cleo said...

you are all really disgusting.

Mr E said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr E said...

you are all really disgusting.

You know Cleo,
It's really quite amazing how things change over time. When that post was originally written I would have expected by now that about three people would have posted replies calling you Cunt and telling you to go fuck off and die somewhere.

So allow me to be the first......................

Alex said...

Careful Mr E; it's only a matter of time before they tighten up the laws against that kind of interweb-troll-bullying-anonymous-coward-cyber-harassment-[using-a-carriage-service] language. I heard Mr Rabbit said so just the other day.

... but in the meantime ... Cleo, you really do sound like that type of cunt. Sorry.