Thursday, March 19, 2009

The End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine - I Just Had a Coffee)


There's something afoot in Melbourne town at the moment. Anyone living anywhere near the city must have noticed it.

Military activity in the skies, I'm talking about. Helicopters, dozens of them. Flying low in formation back and forth, back and forth. It's driving me crazy. They're occasionally joined by police helicopters too. It's constant and it's worrying.

Then there are the so-called Korumburra 'earth tremors'. Two in a week. Experts say this is rare. Not unprecedented sure, but rare.

The two things are linked, I'm certain of it. Call me paranoid, but has anybody seen anything about this sudden influx of military activity in the news? There's nothing. Not a thing.

Nuclear testing? Maybe. Alien invasion? More likely. Giant burrowing earthworm about to emerge from the darkness and consume us all after millions of years biding its time? You decide.

18 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Giant burrowing earthworm

Fuck, not them again!

wari lasi said...

Where did you get that Simpsons screen grab? I want a shot like that on my driver's licence. Very cool. Or can only Vespas be cool?

Not sure about the military activity but I have it on good authority that influencing tectonic events is beyond the scope of any government or agency.

Lewd Bob said...

I have it on good authority that influencing tectonic events is beyond the scope of any government or agency.

Just what they want you to think Wari.

Melba said...

It's the giant earthworm.

It's unsettling, but only because we're not used to any of it. Istanbul, 1999, 7.8 on the richter, 20,000 dead. Many countries with military presence everywhere, all the time.

In little old Melbourne, a few choppers and a couple of shakes and we're all over excited.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

If the Giant burrowing earthworms are anything like these fuckers - we're all screwed.

Perseus said...

It's all just preparation for Ben Cousins' debut next week.

wari lasi said...

Ramon, that may be one of the worst films ever made. With the possible exception of the sequel, those earthworm things turned into "graboids". Both were on HBO not that long ago. Why did I watch them? Because I'm pathetic and have no life. (Emma wouldn't let me change channels)

squib said...

Pastor Danny Nalliah had a dream there would be earthquakes

It's locusts next

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It wasn't that bad, Wari.

Boogeyman said...

Where thar be giant burrowing earthworms, thar be massive caches of melange ripe for the mining.

Melbourne could soon be a stinking hot waterless desert at the centre of a thriving trade in a psychoactive drug voraciously consumed by blue-eyed ferals.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

a stinking hot waterless desert at the centre of a thriving trade in a psychoactive drug voraciously consumed by blue-eyed ferals.

Isn't that Adelaide?

wari lasi said...

It wasn't that bad

It was just so corny and predictable. The second one where they'd made T shirts and that redneck gun happy maniac. Its saving grace was that Emma liked it.

Perseus said...

..or it's God letting us know that even he is embarrassed by Senator Stephen Fielding.

Honestly. You know. I mean, fuck. 2% of the primary vote, and he's causing budget black-holes.

What a wanker.

Melba said...

You know for an atheist, Perseus, you talk about the big man a fair bit.

One of the best bits of Gran Torino: the priest saying "Jesus Christ" a couple of times, and you know he's saying it the way we non-believers say it, not as a prayer.

homesick said...

"It may be a heresy, but you can't take too much notice of the fact that at Christmas and Easter, when families get together, the incidence of domestic violence increases exponentially. Not all families are happy families."

Nobody would force devout Christians to shop at one of the chain's 44 warehouses on Easter Day, Mr Goot said, but other people should be allowed to buy hardware items, particularly when shops such as tobacconists and florists were allowed to trade.


I'm sure Naylor will jump on this with a classic claim along the lines of "The earthquake was a sign from God that he doesn't want you to shop at Bunnings on Easter Sunday"

Personally I think buying nails and bits of 4x2 would be rather appropriate

Lewd Bob said...

Nobody would force devout Christians to shop at one of the chain's 44 warehouses on Easter Day...

Nice work homesick. This is indeed the point. Not everybody in this country (or other western countries) is a fucking Christian. I don't have to respect Easter for being the demise of some deluded prophet because I don't believe in said prophet (or at least in his claim to be pretty closely related to God).

If Christians think I should burn in hell for buying a bag of rapid set cement on Easter Sunday, it's a fair cop.

Louche said...

I don't give that much of a shit if Bunnings is open on Easter, except that the staff might like to spend a public holiday with their families.

Do we need TABs open though?

I've just returned from your lovely city. No earthworms to report although there was a dreadful stench near Flinders Lane.

richardwatts said...

They're not giant burrowing earthworms. They're Cthonians. Or possibly Dholes. Either way, we're all fucked.