Monday, March 30, 2009

Monday Sports Wrap

Motor-Racing

Apparently the Melbourne Formula 1 Grand Prix was on yesterday.

Who won?* Who cares? The organisers should be arrested.

I can see why motor sport attracts public interest, sponsors and bikini girls. It's glamorous, and, for motor enthusiasts like Stubbadub, it's a gripping contest featuring man and machine. But as a 'sport' it's failing, badly.

For starters, the Victorian State Government loses money. We don't know how much because this is never made clear, and it's hard to guage anyway unless they have some futuristic machine that can work out exactly how much every single visitor/patron spends on every gumstick, can o'Fosters and Bar 20 VIP passes. All we know is that it runs at a generalised loss. So really, the Government spends money in order to make overseas manufacturers and drivers richer, provide Max Mosley enough dosh to indulge in his more etxreme sexual fantasies and give a platform to Sir Richard Branson to pontificate about, umm, whatever the Hell it is he pontificates about surrounded by hot chicks.

But to compound the loss, numbers are down. In Melbourne, we don't really care anymore. We only really cared the first year - and even then, it was just the bogans blinded by Jeff Kennett's 'panem et circe' style of governance ("Yeah, he closed my local school, hospital, railway and now I have to pay to use roads that were once free... but he got us the Grand Prix!")

To illustrate: My friend Melody reported that her two sons, at Primary School, had their school excursion to the Grand Prix on Friday (warmup day). That's how desperate they are for numbers. They have to bus school kids in.

Also; At the footy Thursday night, there were heaps of people handing out brochures advertising 'The Who' concert... in fine print down the bottom was something about how you have to go to the Grand Prix to see them. When you need a band to attract an audience to a sporting event, the sporting event is cheapened.

The thing is, sports are meant to pay for themselves. The local netball team don't have The Who playing at their grand final because they can't afford it. The Grand Prix can't afford them either... luckily for them, the State Government pays the bill.

After ten years, it's time to get rid of this white elephant. Adelaide: You can have it back now. Thanks for the loan.

*Apparently, a man called 'Button'. Heh.

Footy

Richmond are shit.

40 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Maybe the organisers can get your band to play at the next GP, Pers.

Perseus said...

We played at a country town's Netball/Football club combined fund-raiser once. I picked up one of the netballers, but when we got back to the band-house, instead of doing the rock thing, I fell asleep. I woke up, she was gone, and had stolen my necklace.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That's pretty lame, Pers.

Loose Shunter said...

You do know that the printed publicity material for this year's GP originally read 'Melbourne fires up' and that all the collateral was withdrawn and pulped after the bushfires? We've got a few of the brochures around the office after a quick-witted colleague took a few from the brochure racks at the Arts Centre.

I wonder who paid for the reprinting of all the collateral?

Perseus said...

LS: Really? That shits me. It probably cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to re-print, but why bother? "Melbourne Fires Up" doesn't mean, "Melbourne Is On Fire And People Are Losing Their Lives." Nobody would have cared if the brochure said 'Melbourne Fires Up' would they?

Ramon: Oh it was lame. I still remember going to the bedroom and seeing her take all her clothes off, and then my next memory was her shaking me (I was still clothed) saying, "Wake up! Wake up!". I rarely get that drunk, but that night I had way way way too many.

I even spewed later on in the night. It was one of only three alcohol-induced vomits I have had in my whole life.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

So, rather than "man the fuck up" it was "sober the fuck up".

wari lasi said...

I don't understand the interest in Formula 1. The only time it's even remotely interesting is when they crash. And I can't help but feel that it's a bit wrong watching something hoping that they'll come to grief.

We went to the Indy at the Gold Coast once. I know it's not formula 1 but it's pretty close. Anyway the V8 supercars were far more entertaining to watch. And they make a cool sound, not that whining noise.

It serves Melbourne right that they do their arse on the race every year. Poor old Adelaide has fuck all going for it and they stole the only exciting thing used to happen there every year. Oh, except for the Pallendrome Festival at Glenelg. Not to be missed. And the annual Serial Killer Convention.

squib said...

I fell asleep. I woke up, she was gone, and had stolen my necklace.

That's what happened on the last episode of Vincent

wari lasi said...

Or should that be palindrome? I think I've seen it spelt both ways.

wari lasi said...

I fell asleep. I woke up, she was gone, and had stolen my necklace.

A very common occurrence here Perseus. Except they normaly take everything of value in the hotel room (where these things tend to happen). "And she seemed like such a nice girl"

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Except they normaly take everything of value in the hotel room

Lucky that doesn't include the kidneys.

And why is it always the kidneys? Why does nobody ever take the spleen?

Mr E Discharge said...

And why is it always the kidneys? Why does nobody ever take the spleen?

Ever eaten Steak and Spleen Pie?

No?

I thought not.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The spleen is actually my favourite organ.

wari lasi said...

And what's with "venting" your spleen? It's sort of a useless organ anyway (after birth) and a bit of a liability. Repeated bouts of malaria will cause an enlarged spleen and heaps of people here die from ruptured spleens, particularly as a result of domestic violence.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

"The spleen is located on the left side of the abdomen and weighs around 200g in the average healthy adult. The spleen can be considered as two organs in one; it filters the blood and removes abnormal cells (such as old and defective red blood cells), and it makes disease-fighting components of the immune system (including antibodies and lymphocytes).

The spleen ROCKS!

wari lasi said...

Yeah, but you can whip it out and you get along fine without it. Apparently it makes red blood cells when you're in the womb, your bone marrow takes over that job after you're born.

The liver is my favourite peritoneal gadget. It's the only organ (it's our largest after the skin) that can re-generate itself. You can hack a bit off it and it'll grow back.

Livers rock!

Why do I treat mine so badly?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Livers are pretty cool.

wari lasi said...

And they can be yummy too. But I'll admit lambs fry is one of those things you had to be fed as a child to like. As is the case with most offal.

Lewd Bob said...

I live approximately 2 kilometres from the Grand Prix track. Anybody even remotely involved with the infernal race can GET FUCKED! The only louder thing I've experienced was standing in front of the speakers at a Dinosaur Jr. gig at the Corner Hotel.

What's with the appendix? Useless, annoying and can kill you. It's the Carl Williams of internal organs.

wari lasi said...

What's with the appendix? Useless, annoying and can kill you. It's the Carl Williams of internal organs.

You've missed your calling Bob. Ever considered stand up comedy?

My eldest daughter had hers out two weeks ago. At the Wesley in Brisbane, after private health insurance it still cost nearly $2,000. An expensive usless organ.

Lewd Bob said...

Damn! I should've started with "What's the deal with the appendix?"

Mine nearly killed me when I was 20. I spent 3 weeks in hospital after it ruptured and sent geysers of toxic pus throughout my abdomen.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Appendixes are cunts.

Thanks, I'm Garry Spleen, internal-organ stand-up comedian.

Here all week.

Try the liver.

Mr E Discharge said...

The spleen is actually my favourite organ.

You need to get out more.

patchouligirl said...

Yeah, but you can whip it out and you get along fine without it Thats true, I know someone who has no spleen and they appear to be very much alive.

Perseus said...

I second Mr. E's assertion.

By the way Mr. E, you were one notable absentee from my post asking for people to explain the origins / inspiration for their blog names.

Care to enlighten?

Oh, and I can vouch for Lewd Bob's appendix drama. But he did lose a few pounds with his near death experience, and has looked a million bucks ever since.

Melba said...

I'm closer to the track than you Bob, but what really gets me is the putting up of the damn thing. Takes weeks every year, affects access to the parks/lake, is VERY FUCKING ANNOYING and frankly, four days of whining, deafening, screaming car/jet engines is not as bad as the complete inconvenience of the thing.

I want the damn thing out of here.

Lewd Bob said...

Seconded Melba.

Glad you took notice of Lewd Bob's Ruptured Appendix Diet*, Perseus. Subtitled 'How to Lose 15 kilos in 3 Weeks'.

*Published in New Idea July 1990.

Alex said...

I don't particularly like the idea of the government spending money on sport and the arts at all. I know that people make a lot of arguments as to why these things are important and it's not like I want to see them completely eradicated or anything, but I do wish that they could be funded without taxpayer money.

Jamie said...

There's always the option of not living near the park where the race has been held for the past 14 years. Just sayin'.

Jamie said...

Having said that, it's s sham that the government doesn't tell us how much of our money is spent to host the damn race each year. Also, I'm much more of a V8 Supercars man myself. Roll on Bathurst Sunday.

wari lasi said...

Hear hear Jamie.

If for no other reason than the NOISE.

I'm a grown up mid-forties guy now, yawn city I know, but nothing sounds quite like a V8 screaming its tits off.

Perseus said...

So no Arts Centres or Art Galleries Alex? Under your Presidency, is the National Gallery privatised, and the Opera House closed down to become a shopping centre?

Lewd Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lewd Bob said...

Jamie, that would exclude quite some area.

Let's look at πr2 for a moment shall we? Let's make a highly dubious and completely random claim that pretty much anywhere within a ten kilometre radius of Albert Park is going to be affected by the whine of the Grand Prix. The total area that you're suggesting I can't live in comprises, therefore, 314 square kilometres.

Anyway, I won't allow cunts like Bernie Ecclestone or Ron Walker to dictate where I live.

Here's Pi for those turned on by such things: 3.14159265358979323846

Lewd Bob said...

Upon further reflection, it appears that at least one third of that area is in the bay.

Perseus said...

And about another third are people who live in Albert Park itself, and they're all yuppy wankers who deserve noise pollution.

Alex said...

So no Arts Centres or Art Galleries Alex? Under your Presidency, is the National Gallery privatised, and the Opera House closed down to become a shopping centre?

Sounds pretty harsh, but yeah, that's about what I'm saying. To tell you the truth, I'm not a big fan of heritage lists either. I'd keep the museums and public libraries though.

eat my shorts said...

I fell asleep. I woke up, she was gone, and had stolen my necklace.

Serves you bloody right. How rude.

What kind of necklace was it?

Melba said...

Better than finding out your husband has given your gold necklace to a prostitute because he felt sorry for her!

re GP - it's good living here the rest of the year, so really I'm just having a whinge. But I won't be sad when it fucks right off.

Aesophia said...

The Grand Prix noise does not actually go that far on its own - that's right folks, they amplify it.

I too live within the 10k radius (not the bay bit though), however, my father is a rev head and I've dealt with Grand Prix season my whole life and it doesn't really bother me that much.

However, this also means I have some knowledge of the cars/drivers/teams etc. And I don't like the way everything's gone all electronic - I liked the raw noise they used to have, not the V8 supercars, sure, but now they even change gears by the press of a button on their miniscule steering wheels - how is that skill? Although it's nice to have Ferrari off the top rung for a change.