Monday, March 23, 2009

Sports Wrap

By Captain Perseus Kneejerk.

Athletics

Tamsyn Lewis won her 15th National Title on the weekend. FIFTEENTH! And, in winning the 400m Hurdles, it is the third event she has won a national title for (along with the 800m and 400m). Admittedly, there's no way she would have won if Jana Rawlinson/Pittman was not injured, but you can only beat the opponents that turn up on the day. What makes her hurdle win even more impressive is that she only started practising the hurdles a couple of months ago. At age 30, she decides, "Hm, might jump over hurdles." She jumps over them like a retarded reindeer, and still wins the NATIONAL TITLE. I've posted about Tamsyn before and I'll reiterate my point again: She is a magnificent athlete, and has magnificent boobs. One point does not invalidate the other.

Tamsyn Lewis: "Gaw!"




Cricket

McGain. Oh McGain. My heart bleeds. 0/149 from 18 overs. Jesus wept. But equally shamed should be the selectors. There seems to be a global agreement amongst cricket-playing nations that "Yer hafta have a spinner! Yer godda have a spinner!". Why? Surely, you just pick the best four bowlers no matter what they bowl? And anyway, we have Clarke and Katich in the team, who, as predominantly batsmen, happen to be fine exponents of spin bowling on the side. Why didn't they just bring the next best bowler into the team? Or even another batsman, and get Clarke and Katich to share the spin duties?

But even more noteworthy last night was Mitchell Johnson's century. He's a bowler. And, he's almost been the best batsman for Australia in the recent series. Certainly he's the most exciting batsman. Do the established batsmen get embarrassed when they face him in the changerooms later? He's better than them. In fact, the three highest scores in our second inning were posted by two bowlers and the wicket-keeper. Shame, batsmen, shame. Well may you point to McGain - it means you don't have to point to yourselves in the mirror.

Which prompts me to come up with the Perseus XI for the Ashes. A team made up mostly of all-rounders.

PERSEUS XI

Hughes, P
Katich, S
Ponting, R
Clarke, M
White, C
Johnson, M
Haddin, B
McDonald, A
Symonds, A
North, M
Siddle, P

12th Man: Watson, S or Hopes, J.

Mark my words, at full fitness, this team will not be beaten.
NB: No Hussey. He's gawwwwwnnnn.


Andrew Symonds, Mitchell Johnson and Brad Haddin celebrate their selection in the Perseus XI.



Footy

I'm going to the footy Thursday night. Round One. Richmond v Carlton. Cousins v Judd. Richo v Fev. Can't wait. CANNOT WAIT. I've waited since August 2008 for this moment. I love footy. CANNOT WAIT. Round one, my hopes are high, I have nothing but positivity, optimism and confidence for my beloved Tigers' chances this year. The match starts at 7.40pm Thursday. And, as I am a Richmond supporter, and we are the worst performed team of the last 25 years, by 8.10pm I expect to be weeping and moaning, crying into my thermos of coffee, experiencing flashbacks and succumbing to my ongoing Richmond-based PTSD and shall book into therapy Friday morning.

As much as I love footy, at least when the footy isn't on, Richmond isn't losing.

Still, upsets are possible. And if we're ever going to cause an upset, this hopefully will be the one. There is something immensely satisfying about beating Carlton... probably because Richard Pratt is their President (same goes with beating Hawthorn with Jeff Kennett as their President).

Go Tiges.


Ben Cousins: Arrested for crimes against tattoo art.

13 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

In my dreams

Ponting: "Ramon, I know you made an unbroken 170 earlier but now I need you to have a go with the leather."

Me: "Sure thing Skip. And for fuck's sake, get a shave," before I toddle off and get 5/50.

In reality.

I fall over my pads on the way to the crease.

Sigh.

Melba said...

Tamsyn is also very pretty. Clokes saw her running near our place, through our park, where we walk our dog, a few weeks ago. I thought of you, and didn't think to mention it until now. Let me know if you need more details.

Good luck with the footy. Clokes insisted I join his footy tipping thing. While I like the footy, I'm too busy to be fucked with tipping, and especially wanting to be a little quiet this year, considering the fragile psychology I took with me from the last grand final. Still recovering. BUT I tipped Richmond (for you), against Collingwood (for me) and for Geelong (for me) and the rest just picked based on who I preferred.

Cricket - no opinion at all apart from wondering why Symons would be partying in his big, white jocks?

Perseus said...

In my dreams:

*punches Ponting in the face*

Perseus: That's for not bowling Katich until the 150th over you GOOSE.

**

Melba: What park? When? What time of day? I'm already doing some leg stretches...

Fad MD said...

I'm already doing some leg stretches...

I can hear your hammies from here

Melba said...

Perseus, I'll let you know if it develops into any sort of habitual sighting. So far, it's just been the once. So settle petal.

Lewd Bob said...

I also love Tamsyn and I love that photo. Although I did see her cry at last year's Olympics because she came last. Well, eighth.

Aesophia said...

Perspective Bob, that's eighth IN THE WORLD!

And TSFKAers out there, as a whole, why is it aethiests can still swear by a god they don't believe in? Huh huh? I don't get it! Habit shmabit, curse something you believe in Pers ;P

Perseus said...

Aesophia: Colloquialisms. And anyway, I love a good blaspheme. Particulalrly when they involve the Virgin Mary's genitalia.

And, although Tamsyn is ranked Top 12, her 8th at Beijin was 8th in a semi, and it put her at 16th in the world. Still, that was her coach's fault as well, because the poor girl was buggered having run the 400m earlier that day.

Fad: You're not far off the mark there. Muscle memory? Oh no. My calves had muscle amnesia.

Calf: "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Me: "Shutup and stretch you lazy cunt. You've had it your way for too long. Eyes want to see Tamsyn jog."

Lewd Bob said...

Perspective Bob, that's eighth IN THE WORLD!

This is my point. So why was she crying? SHE needs perspective.

wari lasi said...

I can hear your hammies from here

That's not his hammies you can hear FAD, it's another muscle he wants to exercise with Tamsyn.

I too hope the recovering drug addict can help the Tigers to an unexpected win over the Blues. I hope he proves me wrong about drug addicts and has a great season.

Should be a big crowd, I really love big crowds at games, and there's nothing quite like a full house at the G.

eat my shorts said...

Katich: Don't like him, only because his name reminds me of 'cabbage'.

Symonds: Needs to do something about that hairdo.

The footy: I hope Richmond win too.

Melba said...

Symonds HAS done something about the hair. Recent sighting, again by Clokes, said it was short.

Any other information my husband can help anyone with? I can take orders even.

Lewd Bob said...

Melba, can your husband let me know what Paris Hilton is wearing this season? I don't have a thing to wear that isn't so last year.