Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Climate change is the new black

While reading a particularly sycophantic interview with Missy Higgins in the paper* the other day, I was struck by this sentence.

Missy is passionate about climate change.

Of course you are, poppet, of course you are. Just like every other fucker who wants to boost their public profile.

Long ago, the entertainment industry’s spin-doctors realised said industry was populated by people who were vain, stupid and not particularly nice. They also realised the punters wanted a form of emotional connection with said artists before they forked over their readies and people who were seen as vain, stupid and not particularly nice were likely to attract few**.

They understood, however, that artists who were vain, stupid and not particularly nice would be reluctant to put their hand up for any cause that would require - you know - any actual sacrifice or effort.

Thus was born the passionless passionate.

It’s so easy. Just attach yourself to a cause which isn’t going to affect you personally (anti-uranium mining, ending poverty, climate change), mouth a few clich├ęs that don’t really mean anything (in this case bang on and on about your latest DVD/concert/tour being “carbon neutral”) and bingo-bango you’re seen as “socially aware”.

It's almost as sick-making as people who discover "spirituality" (and yes, Ben Lee, I'm looking at you).

Missy also says she’s a supporter of PETA.

I rest my case.

* I was bored, OK.

** Except here, of course.

50 comments:

Perseus said...

Don't know if you've seen it, but Pierce Brosnan does this ad for some anti-ageing skin gel, but the first 20 seconds of the ad is Brosnan talking about how important it is to 'campaign for the environment' (cue Brosnan gazing into the distance at some, er, trees).

*

I much prefer my rockstars to be self-obsessed psychos with not a care in the world. What ever happened to rock and roll? They should be throwing televisions out of hotel windows and snorting coke out of a Turkish harlot's cleavage, not hugging trees.

Boogeyman said...

So when she says she is passionate about climate change, is she passionately for or against it?

She really should clarify her position on this.

And I really don't know how people justify being carbon neutral. news.com.au does that too, and it makes me wonder how they are making up for all the carbon expended in their production processes? Do they just collectively hold their breaths?

Perseus, I saw that ad. I wondered if I bought the gel, if I'd be a suave sexy actor like Pierce Brosnan, or if I'd also need to get a square jaw, dress in expensive clothes and talk in a sophisticated British/Irish accent.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I blame that cunt Bono for starting all this.

Boogey, maybe you could get a job narrating the latest Thomas the Tank Engine film if you use that gel.

Melba said...

It wasn't Bono, was it? I thought it was Bob that started the whole musicians being aware and trying to do good thing. Back then, Bono was just some skinny kid with an alright voice.

When people say they are passionate about climate change, it's annoying because it's unclear. But I guess it doesn't roll off the tongue as cleanly if you say "I'm passionate about trying to prevent climate change which I'm told comes about as a result of certain human behaviours."

Lewd Bob said...

Quite right people. Saying 'I'm passionate about climate change' doesn't require her to do anything, but it also doesn't mean anything.

It's like saying 'I'm passionate about the holocaust'. So was Hitler. So were the persecuted.

If I ever get interviewed by the Herald Sun, here's what I'll say:

"I'm passionate about ladies' underwear."

Do I sell them? Do I make them? Do I wear them? Do I like them? Do I sniff them? You decide.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Bob the Builder, Melba?

He shits me as well.

Lewd Bob said...

Actually it was me, Ramon.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You complete and utter bastard, Bob!

Melba said...

Geldof.

It wasn't the envionment, though. Just human suffering. But he was a muso going outside his brief and he did it before Bono.

patchouligirl said...

which I'm told comes about as a result of certain human behavioursI dont think the degree of our impact on climate change has been assessed. Some scientists claim it is simply a natural process like the ice age. While it is now accepted that climate change is occurring, the jury is still out as to the reason and as far as I know there aren't any studies to prove that it is caused mainly by man's activities.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I suppose it's too much to hope that one day we'll see a rock star say;

"Sod climate change, I'm off to snort coke out of a Turkish harlot's cleavage."

Lewd Bob said...

There are many, many studies PG. Further, there is an overwhelming scientific consensus that human activity has led to climate change.

Here are a couple of good articles which are balanced and which acknowledge the arguments of sceptics:

Science MagNew Scientist

patchouligirl said...

Its a good article Bob. I'd like to see more precise figures as to the extent of our impact instead of emotional hype about climate change. One thing we can be sure of is that the supply of fossil fuel is finite so we will have to rethink our strategy anyway.

Lewd Bob said...

I'm with you there. I'm getting behind Homer Simpson's idea for an alcohol-fuelled car.

"One for you, one for me..."

Perseus said...

I'm an awful person.

I see no point in me helping the environment, when industry, predominantly overseas industry, is doing more damage every second than I could possibly do, even if I tried, in a whole lifetime.

Even if we 'reduce' our ommissions, globally, we're still going to be doing more bad than good, so I'm clinging to my faith in human ingenuity and waiting for someone to invent stuff that protects us... like in Futurama, when they simply shifted the Earth a thousand miles to the right or whatever. Fake skin. Big domes over the cities that manufactures clean air. GM food impervious to toxic soil. I Can't Believe It's Not Crayfish. A cure for cancer. Fake trees.

I'm more concerned with world poverty, and political buffoonery. And litter. I hate litter.

The climate? Global warming? Meh.

If we end up walking around wearing gas masks I'll be fine with that. It'll save me buying anti-ageing skin gel.

Melba said...

Pachouligirl, what's your avatar photo of? Just curious.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You're a monster of depravity, Pers.

Also file this one under "who gives a fuck."

Perseus said...

(Oh, but I'm all for protecting forests and I'm anti-logging, but not cos of climate, but because of animals, and I like trees)

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm indifferent to trees and I'm only concerned about animals that are yummy.

the projectivist said...

i wonder if Lewd Bob lives near me?
i've had a few pairs of knickers go missing lately.

Boogeyman said...

I see no point in me helping the environment, when industry, predominantly overseas industry, is doing more damage every second than I could possibly do, even if I tried, in a whole lifetime.

Even if we 'reduce' our ommissions, globally, we're still going to be doing more bad than good, so I'm clinging to my faith in human ingenuity and waiting for someone to invent stuff that protects us...

Perseus, it's a bit like the electric car. You know that one, the car that industry kindly made for people long before the people demanded it because of rising fuel prices.

Pig's arse.

Industry responds to demand, so people collectively have to start demanding the climate-protective options from industry.

Government could help by imposing financial restrictions on the polluting technologies and financial incentives to the non-polluting ones. That is, they could do that, if they weren't a bunch of lilly-livered cowards kowtowing to big industry demands.

What needs to be done, thought, is to kickstart some sort of 'green economy' where both individuals and industry benefit financially from buying and selling non-polluting products.

patchouligirl said...

Melba - my avatar was emailed to me today under the title 'has anyone seen the cat?' It is a photo of cat being strangled by a snake which tickled my sense of humor somehow. If anyone wants a copy for I'm happy to forward it.

Perseus said...

Wouldn't it also help if China and India stopped making stuff?

Anyway, I may demand an electric car, and even get one, but even the manufacture of the electric car is not carbon neutral. To be carbon neutral, we have to go pre-Industrial Revolution, and we simply aren't doing that, nor will we, unless Swine Flu knocks off 95% of us, or John Butler has his way and the whole planet becomes barefooted hippes overnight.

So the water levels are rising and the polar caps are melting. At best, we can postpone the inevitable by driving poofy electric cars, and installing solar panels.

But it will still get us in the end, so I'll simply have to put on a lot of 30+ sun block, and carry a brolly and parka with me to cope with the dramatic weather shifts when I go for a dip in the ocean near Uluru.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Wouldn't it also help if China and India stopped making stuff?

That's largely because the rest of the world keeps buying stuff.

and the whole planet becomes barefooted hippes overnight

I think the living would envy the dead.

wari lasi said...

Even if we 'reduce' our ommissions

I would have left that bit out.

Boom, tish.

unless Swine Flu knocks off 95% of us

By boring us to death. Fuck I'm over pig flu. They made us all walk single file past the thermal imaging camera at Brisbane airport on Friday. They offered us masks on the plane, only the kids took them.

The whole climate change debate, and who caused it, doesn't matter I reckon. It just makes sense that we have to stop being such huge polluters. Should we chop down less trees? Of course. Should we not make so much shit out of plastic? Of course. Should we not pump so much crap into the atmosphere? Of course.

Logic prevails as always. The rest of the shit just over complicates stuff so we have an excuse to do nothing while we argue semantics.

Boogeyman said...

My example of the electric car was to demonstrate how shortsighted industry is - they had the technology for years, but didn't start thinking seriously about building one until people started screaming about rising petrol prices.

Lewd Bob said...

Good goddamn point Wari. We should be doing those things just because it's good and right and proper and shit.

wari lasi said...

I'm doing an "Appropriate use of profanity" course.

How am I doing?

wari lasi said...

Best desription of swine flu so far:

Aporkalypse

Credit Ben Goldacre, Bad Science.

Bastard.

I wish I'd thought of it.

squib said...

I have a chip on my shoulder about missy higgins (and james blunt). For a long time, wherever I went, they were following me with their AWFUL music

I feel guilty because we haven't got solar power. Nearly everyone we know has

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I don't have solar power, Squib.

True, you wouldn't know me from a bar of soap but it's the thought that counts.

And cheer up.

Missy's career has well and truly tanked, so it's very unlikely you'll hear her music ever again.

Perseus said...

Mt favourite pork flu material came from The Daily Mash.

From one of their articles:

"If you've got the cash - and the back muscles - you could try walking around in a scuba suit, with a couple of oxygen tanks strapped to your shoulders. But really, the best way to stop pork flu is to get it, takes some pills and watch the telly until you don't have it anymore."From another:

"I thought it was when millions of people were infected, bodies were piled outside cemeteries and doors were daubed with a big, red 'X' to indicate a 'house of the unclean'. But then I looked it up and sure enough it said 'Pandemic, noun - 19 people in four different countries, each with a slight temperature and a bottle of Lucozade'. So there you go."

squib said...

Thanks Ramon. I feel so much better now

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

About Missy or about the solar power, Squib?

squib said...

Missy, solar power, and the world, Ramon

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The Ramon Report - providing you with the information you need in these troubled times.

Now with the word "cunt".

Puss In Boots said...

PG - while it may be a naturally occurring phenomenon to have cycles of warming, I think this time (from what I have read) it has come around a lot quicker and is going to be worse than what would have been expected from a normal cycle. And really, to say humans' impact is arguable or negligible is being rather optimistic (to put it nicely), especially considering what we pump out into the atmosphere. Even the methane produced by the cows is largely our own doing - we probably wouldn't have that many cows if we didn't mass produce them for food.

Also, I recall reading somewhere that phytoplankton in the sea are one of the biggest sources of carbon dioxide uptake, and that the warming of the seas will kill them off (by preventing deep sea nutrients moving up, which is their food source). If that happens, I dare say we will be in deep shit. I'm not sure the few trees that are left on the planet can alone handle changing all of the world's carbon dioxide into oxygen.

I'm passionate about dog shit. But I'll clarify that by saying that I have yet to visit one country in Europe where I wasn't in danger of stepping in dog shit anywhere I went. Is it so fucking hard to pick up after your dog? If you don't want to, then don't fucking walk it in the middle of a city where it's going to shit all over the pavements.

patchouligirl said...

All I'm asking is how much of it is natural cycle and how much is us. If more than half of it is natural cycle I'd say we're screwed anyway. Nobody seems to have the data.

Having said that I do have solar hot water and lived on an electricity free property for three years. We had solar panels running the tv and lights, compost loo, gas fridge, shower and oven and a petrol generator as a backup. We didnt have a microwave, hairdryer etc and had to use the generator to vaccum. We had two 10,000 litre tanks which were more than adequate. We often used candles for lighting and had a slow combustion wood heater. It was rather labour intensive running it all but gratifying to be independent of services.

To run the whole of a house on solar you would need to spend a fortune and the panels have a lifespan of about 10 years so it isn't viable for most folks. The more people switch to solar and wind the more the price will drop of course. The Government should start closing the gap in price of green and traditional electricity gradually so people get used to the increase in price.

Alex said...

They also realised the punters wanted a form of emotional connection with said artists before they forked over their readies and people who were seen as vain, stupid and not particularly nice were likely to attract few**.

I'm amazed that people seem to spend so much time trying to justify their own personal tastes. A long time ago, I came to the conclusion that my liking something didn't really have anything to do with it (or the creator) actually being any good, and trying to make the one thing equal the other was just being masturbatory.

On the subject of the environment: I understand that plastic bags are evil bastards that last a billion years and viciously seek out wildlife to choke to death, but what do environmentally friendly people use to line their bins?

Lewd Bob said...

...what do environmentally friendly people use to line their bins?Best I can do - assuming I fall under this category, which sometimes I do and sometimes I don't - is use those so-called biodegradable ones. They only last 400 million years.

Perseus said...

The ultimate would be to do away with bins. Compost everything that can be composted. Recycle everthing that can be recycled. Re-use anything that can be re-used.

All you'd have left is cigarette butts, greasy foil, dirty tissues and nappies, and citrus peel which from memory can't go into compost. You can throw these at hoodlums on street corners.







Oxford comma!

Alex said...

I didn't know that about citrus peel. Not that it matters. I don't have a yard, so composting is probably out of the question for me.

homesick said...

Surely if one wants to be completely carbon neutral then one must stop farting .... methane is bad (allegedly).

If they're considering culling kangaroos for their overproduction of methane, then they should cull my ex flatmate and his rugby mates.



Or just ban real ale.

patchouligirl said...

I'm getting behind Homer Simpson's idea for an alcohol-fuelled car.

"One for you, one for me..."
And for the ladies:

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/5546217/scientists-unveil-chocolatefueled-car/

Lewd Bob said...

Nice use of the Oxford comma, Perseus. I hate it when it's used unnecessarily. Here, however, you effectively used to it to make your meaning clear. 5/5.

wari lasi said...

Why doesn't citrus peel compost? It doesn't make sense to me.

And I prefer "zest". You never see a recipe calling for the peel of one lemon. Who's idea was that anyway?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Compost everything that can be composted.

I hope you're fond of large numbers of rats, Pers.

catlick said...

"You never see a recipe calling for the peel of one lemon." Wari the entire peel of citrus is used in marmalades, but mostly you have to take the pith out of it. And yes rats do so love the new restaurant opening up in backyards.

Perseus said...

My cat and the neighbour's two cats (that spend all day in my backyard) look after the rat problem.

patchouligirl said...

If I am adding lemon to a recipe I usually grate the zest finely and add it as well so as not to waste it.