All's Well That Ends

Get this:

On Saturday afternoon, Suicide Girl and I headed to the birthday picnic of my good friend Spud (who is the little sister of Artemis). It was a nice picnic in Edinburgh Gardens (though the state of the men's toilets was a disgrace... on yer bikes, council) with nice food and good company. Normally, Spud has rather big birthday parties with 50-100 people in attendance and I thought it was going to be one of those affairs, but no, it turns out that this picnic was just for her inner sanctum and there was in fact only 14 of us. This gave me a good chance to see how Suicide Girl mingled, close-up and soberly, with my mates.

She did well! We were at the picnic from 2pm-6pm and she talked with everyone and I was thinking, "This is good, she can mingle!"

We then went back to Spud's flat for more drinks and food by which time we were all getting a bit drunken. Suicide Girl not only continued to mingle well, but actually made an appointment to have lunch with one friend of mine, and talked to others about catching up at my house for a weekend of fun. I was very, very impressed.

Then, six of us headed off to see Melt-Banana at The Forum. In the taxi there, now quite shickered, she even discussed with me the possibility of her and her Mum and two younger siblings spending Christmas day with my family and I was open to this.

All was travelling smoothly.

But what's a Monday on TSFKA without some sort of drama arising from the pathetic choices I make in my life?

The first sign of trouble came in the queue to get in. Doofus appeared and stood with us. You may recall, Doofus is the guy that spewed on Suicide Girl a month ago after she took him home during a brain-fade. This made her very tense. In my life, I have found that when normal, well-adjusted people get tense over something, they do what has to be done to recover, but, maladjusted and unhinged people with a bellyful of 'issues' can't do that. They let situations take control.

I didn't know it yet, but Suicide Girl had lost it.

But before I get to that, here's an aside...

I spent the first half hour of the Melt-Banana gig looking for Mr. E Discharge (who I discovered the next day was unable to make it due to a family medical emergency - yo, Mr. E, I hope all is okay). I texted Mr. E and told him to meet me next to the stage right bar, back section, near the first booth (where the rest of my gang were sitting), and I stood there waiting.

Whilst standing there, an incredibly hot and beautiful woman approached me. She leaned up close and said, "You're Perseus, aren't you?" and mind you, she said 'Perseus' and not my actual name.

I didn't recognise her. "Who is this?" I thought, "Pepsi?"

I asked her, but the band had started and it was very loud. She told me her real name, and said she had recognised me from my blog. I figured she meant this blog, I figured further that she had read my entries over the last two weeks and I figured she was on the look out. So, I figured I'd point out the characters. "That's Suicide Girl there," I said, pointing to our booth, "And that's Artemis," I said, pointing. The girl looked at me confused. She had no idea what I was talking about, so I got confused too. It seems she was not a TSFKA person, but just, somehow, recognised me, maybe from my book blog. She told me her internet name but I was all a bit freaked and I can't remember it now, but it had two words, and it was some sort of description, like 'Didactic Explosion' (but not that).

I sat back with my friends. Me and Hippy Mate decided to go into the moshpit for a few songs. On my way back out of the moshpit, I bumped into the hot chick again. Jeez she was hot. And seemingly alone. So I said to her, "We're going to Cherry Bar after this," and she said, "I can't. I'm going to The Carlton Club," and that was it.

Whoever she was, that was the last I saw of her, and who knows, she might be an enemy, but even so, wouldn't mind knowing thine enemy, so if you're reading, umm, hi.

End of aside.

The gig itself was awesome. As soon as it finished, Suicide Girl and I bid goodbye to the other four, and we headed to Leggy's birthday drinks at Cherry Bar. That's when the night went sour.

We got in there and Suicide Girl refused to mingle with anyone, including her good friend Fanboy (Leggy's boyfriend, and the one who set us up). She refused to talk to me. She started flirting with men, and if I went near her she shunned me, and started getting physical with whichever man was closest. I didn't know what I had done, so I confronted her, and she said (in a drunken drawl), "This place is so fucking boring unless I'm on the prowl,,, I only like coming here with my girlfriends," so I said, "Well, we can go home if you like," and she said, "No, I just don't want you here... I don't want to be responsible for anyone," and I said, "Okay," and I left the Cherry Bar, and that, dear readers is the last time I will speak to her.

You see, I spent six years with Andromeda 3.0 and I learnt a lot about the unhinged. Put alcohol in them, their issues arise, and they take it out on whoever is closest and nothing can stop them except years of therapy. I am wise. So wise in fact, that I knew exactly how this would play out... I would get grovelling messages the next day.

They started at 6am.... seven missed calls from an unknown number. When I checked the messages they were drunken, howling messes. She was saying, "I got robbed, I lost everything including my phone so I'm calling on my flatmate's phone... I'm so sorry, I fucked up, I can't believe I did what I did, I am soooooo sorry, call me, please call me, I love you..." and so on and so on.

During the course of Sunday she called eight more times, on two other phones, plus SMSs, all of them grovelling apologies, but six years of putting up with this sort of pattern from Andromeda 3.0 has hardened me. She can get fucked.

It is one thing for issues to arise. It is another to take one's insecurities or turmoil out on the very people who can assist you with these things. There's no excuse for it.

So, here I am, back to square one, but I feel, in a way, proud of myself. I am not a whipping boy. I saw the danger, I avoided it, and I am safe and secure again.

The greatet adventures are those that end safely at home.