Thursday, October 1, 2009

You're Joking, Right?



It's a joke, isn't it?

You're not really calling it that are you?

My friend said it tasted 'velvety' so she actually entered your competition with 'velvemite'. I said she wouldn't win because it sounded too much like 'vulvamite', so she put in a second entry, "Vegemite: Velvet".

Are you trying to tell me iSnack 2.0 beat that?

No.

Surely not.

Really?

Well, you're a cunt, Kraft.

Here's a list of names for your product that are better than iSnack 2.0

BVUFJS34ANVDS[ONJK
DEAD PUPPIES
CUNT YEAST
SMEGMAMITE
MICROSOFT
ZIMBABWE
WAKE ME UP (BEFORE YOU GO GO)
STAPLER
VEGEMITE II
SATAN WILL RISE
FRANK PENHALLURIC, THE REBEL TRADER
CDYSJQA[pvfjosp333
WHAT?
THE FRENCH REVOLUTION
NICE TITS

Change it. Now.

48 comments:

wari lasi said...

Next thing you know Apple will sue them.

But yep, what the fuck were they thinking?

And I reckon Vulvamite is a great name. Sounds yummy to me.

Perseus said...

Actually Wari, my friend argued that the fact it sounded like 'vulvamite' was a good thing, because people call vegemite 'vaginamite' anyway. She saw a pattern.

Melba said...

I like Smegmamite, and Vulvamite.

But whatever it's called, it's an abomination and it won't be seeing the inside of my pantry.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

THE FRENCH REVOLUTION

I'd buy that.

Or at least, I would if I didn't hate Vegemite.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh and in breaking news, they are changing it.

"Kraft would hold an internet and phone poll this weekend to come up with a replacement name, using some of the most popular entries from among the almost 50,000 it received for the competition.

"Other entries included "Ruddymite", "Too Right Mite" and "Wow Chow", Mr O'Brien said."

wari lasi said...

Pers, memories of kids smutty jokes abound. Penis butter too I recall.

Hi Melba, are you really that offended by it?

And Ramon, you hate Vegemite? Now that's (and I really hate this saying) UnAustralian.

wari lasi said...

If Ruddymite gets a run then I'm voting for Juliamite. Sounds like a super hero.

Incidentally, I wear my Julia badge once a week or so. People think I'm fucked in the head, but I don't care. And I give random prizes to people who recognise Darwin.

Pepsi said...

I love the taste of vegemite.

I tried this new stuff, and it tasted disgusting.

iSnack 2.0 is beyond lame with its lameness in the naming.

I always though Ruddy was more peanut butter than vegemite, and Jules is the strawberry jam.

Fannybag Snack seems appropriate for this abomination of a crappy tasting re-jigged spread that belongs in the toilet from a crappy sepo corp, but then again maybe Nice Tits seems more appropriate, cause then I can be doubly disgusted (insert winking emoticon here).

Boogeyman said...

I think you might find that iSnack 2.0 was a marketing exercise to generate free publicity.

Worked a treat, too.

Ramon, take notes for the iKrudd 10.0 campaign.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Noted, Boogey.

Wari, I've always hated the stuff.

Melba said...

Wari, I love Vegemite, but I wouldn't even want to try this one. I love Vegemite so much, maybe that's the problem, putting cheese with it. Even though I know Veg and cheese go beautifully together and will combine but I want to do that myself.

So I'm not offended by it just stating that we won't be buying it and it won't be in our pantry [read glorified cupboard.]

I've always wanted a pantry. Walk in. Mmmmmmmm.

Did you leave me a weather reply somewhere Wari? I know I asked but I can't keep up with all these live-wire threads.

wari lasi said...

I won't be rushing to try it either Melba. I'm a bit of a traditionalist like that. How can you improve on perfection?

Overcast and humid today. I wish it would bloody rain. We need it.

WitchOne said...

I love the new stuff, hate the bloody name and was so glad when I heard early this morning that it was being changed.

I noted when I heard just so someone gets his game face back on and starts bitching about things when they're current again.

As for the old vegemite, I love that too.

I wonder though, when did they take the jam out of Royals and the jam/cream out of lamingtons? Irrelevant to this thread you say? I think not. at least Kraft told everyone they were messing with the recipe.

Melba said...

Yes, vegemite with spreadable cheese does not offend me, but if people are discreet in their consumption of it, I won't mind.

Maybe they should market it with a modesty veil.

And call it No Boobs Mite.

Fad MD said...

You can have some of our rain.

1 week to go here and what does it do? Drop a month's fucking rain in 12hrs! AND it was right in the middle of the AFL Grand Final so the satellite picture keep freezing due to the storm*.

I'm fine though thanks!

* May actually have been due to cars and dead animals floating past the satellite dish.

wari lasi said...

I'm coming your way next Saturday Fad. I've never been before, I hope the place isn't too trashed.

Puss In Boots said...

Wari, I hate Vegemite too. And meat pies. And football. And Holdens and Fords. And cricket. And Cold Chisel.

Perseus said...

And green beans. And the vaccuum cord sliding back in.

**

I hate pumpkin, but that's not an Australian thing.

And water chestnuts. Fucking cunts.

squib said...

I love squeezing vegemite between two crackers so it comes out through the holes and saying, 'Look at the little wormies!'

Perseus said...

You just reminded me of a stupid joke, Squib.

Two astronauts land on Mars, and a Martian comes out from underground to meet them.

"What the fuck?" says the Martian, "Where are you from?"

"Earth," said the lead astronaut.

"You're kidding?" said the Martian, "I thought that was a barren, soul-less, Godless shithole full of dumb-arses, in the middle of fucking nowhere. Tell me, what's it really like?"

And the astronaut says, "Well, it's spherical, like your planet, but it's 70% ocean, and..."

"Oh, Earth," said the Martian, "Sorry, I thought you said Perth."

**

I'm going home now.

Perseus said...

The joke would be funnier if 'Earth' rhymed with 'Adelaide'.

Fad MD said...

Depends on where you're headed Wari. We've got another Super Typhoon heading this way now, but it's supposed to head north and miss us. Unfortunately that's what they said about the last one.

I'm out for good next Thurs and am very happy about it!

Boogeyman said...

For their new cheese and vegemite spread, they'll also have to come up with a new children's jingle:

Cheese, cheese,
yeasty paste,
round the back's a Vegemite taste,
Dip your finger to keep a tally,
of all the boys down Vegemite Valley.

Dr. Golf said...

Promite is better than Vegimite.

Seriously, buy a jar and you will never go back.

I have converted a number of people.

homesick said...

The CEO's of both Arnotts and Kraft are cunts.

There , I said it.

Every trip home results in disappointment at the changes made to my favourite biscuits and spreads.

First I noticed that Iced Vo Vo's had significantly less jam and icing and as for Honey Jumbles... less icing and the biscuit itself was thinner.

Fine corporate America, buy Australian companies but don't fuck with their products just to save a few nickels.

On this last trip the new Vegemite advertsising/ media saturation got into the brains of my two kids.

"Garn Mummy buy the new one.. it looks yummy"

I explained to them that I'm never going to taste the new one because,like drugs, I may be hooked and if I get hooked on it and if I'm addicted to the stuff I'll be screwed as we can't get it over in this hemisphere.

Fuckin stupid name for something that will obviously have the same lifespan of Pepsi Clear.. or was it Coke clear.

Anyway you get my point.


I used to love to scoop Vegemite onto a dessertspoon and slowly suck the stuff off. Mmmmmmmmm

squib said...

Good one, Persey. I'll add it to my repertoire

Lewd Bob said...

Promite, Dr Golf? What the fuck?

Melba said...

Wagon Wheels are no way as big as they used to be either.

Put the price up, reduce the size and change the packaging. It's everywhere.

Fad MD said...

If you beat Marmite it turns white.

Something in that for all of us.

wari lasi said...

Wari, I hate Vegemite too. And meat pies. And football. And Holdens and Fords. And cricket. And Cold Chisel.

Sorry Puss but now we'll have to cancel your Australian passport. Or do you have a PNG one?

I also hate meat pies, well the crappy mass produced ones with bits of gristle in them. Cake shop ones are normally ok. I make great ones too.

I like the rest of those things though. But I sort of went off Holdens when I owned a Commodore in my younger days that got stolen about 10 times.

Fad, we're doing the "boys own" trip. Angeles City for 4 days then Thailand for two weeks then back to Manila for another three days. My current girlfriend is not happy.

eat my shorts said...

Vegemite is even more evil than peas.

Out of all the mites, I like Promite the best, then Marmite and lastly Vegemite.

But nothing beats Nutella. NOTHING.

wari lasi said...

Oh God. You like chocolate sandwiches EMS? I refsue to let the kids have it.

I hate chocolate.

patchouligirl said...

I never really took to cheese and vegemite sandwiches until my 30's but I'm glad I finally understand the appeal. Its the best tucker for picnics and bushwalks. As a kid I loved golden syrup and still do.

eat my shorts said...

Hells yeah, Wari. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Mad Cat Lady said...

one of the ladies at work recommends nutella and marshmallow jaffles

wari lasi said...

I know I'm a rare case EMS but I really don't like chocolate, or anything sweet for that matter. I don't eat dessert or cakes or anything.

I admit it's strange, my eldest daughter refuses to believe it. "Nobody doesn't like chocolate", she says. Is that bad English?

Fad MD said...

Angeles? Christ on a bike! I reckon there'll be plenty of Vulvamite there. Of note, it's home to the largest RSL outside of Australia(in membership terms), and was also, at its peak, home to 200 000 sex workers.

Lord Gravy said...

Well fuck me sideways. Vegemite is like Satan's excrement.

wari lasi said...

I'm going there to see the RSL club Fad.

And in other news, there is no Vegemite to be had in Port Moresby. Seriously, there are three major supermakets frequented by Expats and none of them has it in stock. So it looks like I'll be giving Promite a go.

Lewd Bob said...

Here's the latest on the iShite 69 from The Age:

"It has almost 12 times the amount of saturated fat and three times the kilojoules a serve. It has half the protein of the original and less than half the amount of vitamin B. Oh, and there's more salt."

Nice work, Kraft.

Puss In Boots said...

Sorry Puss but now we'll have to cancel your Australian passport. Or do you have a PNG one?

No, I have an Australian one. Although I hope to eventually have an EU one.

I went to see Julie and Julia last night (free tickets, drink and popcorn - why not?). I had immense France envy watching it. I wanted to be back in Europe so badly.

Mad Cat Lady said...

survey people got me on the phone yesterday polling public reaction to six new names which are all very very boring.

Vegemite Vegimate, Vegemite Mild, Vegemite Smooth, Vegemite Snackmate, Vegemite Cheesybite, can't remember the other one.

I countered with youse offering of Ruddymite. Survey dude giggled and noted it down - said he hadn't heard that one yet.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Good work, MCL.

Lewd Bob said...

Really good work. We'll hit the mainstream yet.

kitten said...

The best was Cheesymite but apparently its already trademarked by someone else. Perhaps Kraft should offer to buy it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The results are in.

And it's not Ruddymite.

I'm gutted.

Gutted.

Mad Cat Lady said...

the phillestines
they just don't have your vision

perhaps years from now they will turn bedeviled and sleepless in their beds over this missed opportunity

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks MCL.

At least we tried.