Friday, October 23, 2009

For Stuart

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath
borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at
it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know
not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your
gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,
that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one
now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?
Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let
her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must
come; make her laugh at that

Stuart was a mate of mine from Uni days. He was one of the funniest men I've ever met, a mad bugger and had an encyclopedic knowledge of music that would put anybody on Spics and Specks or Rockwiz to shame.

He died in an accident at work.

He was 35.

There's not a day when I don't think of him.


Mad Cat Lady said...

'sbeautiful Mr INH
*goes off in search of tissues*

patchouligirl said...

This reminds me of my ex-husband, a total party animal who sadly died of leukamia aged 40. This happened several years after we had parted ways amicably and his subsequent girlfriend kept his ashes on the mantlepiece - at least until someone broke into her house and stole them. I have read elsewhere of a stupid burgular in another robbery who left behind items of value in favour of a box of grey powder which was someones ashes and they mistakenly took as some kind of drug and this lead me to wonder if someone tried to snort my ex husband. Knowing him he actually would have found this as amusing as I do.

squib said...

Thanks Ramon, always nice to finish the week on a downer

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I aim to please, Squib.

Perseus said...

I'm all emotional this week anyway Ramon, now you've made me sad again.

So, I'll break this cycle by being controversial.

Hamlet goes about an hour too long.

You all know I love Shakespeare, and yes, Hamlet certainly has some great scenes and lines, but, it's just too long-winded at times. Especially when the actors come in and he writes the play for them. Baw. Ring.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Pers. that scene is crucial in proving, to Hamlet's satisfaction, that his uncle, the King, is guilty of his father's murder.

You take that bit out and the whole thing falls apart.

And to cheer you up, here's a joke.

A white horse walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer thanks barman."

As he's pouring the beer, the barman says "You know, this bar is nameed after you."

And the horse says "What, the bar's called Eric?"

Mad Cat Lady said...

Closest I've come to seeing Hamlet is Tim Roth and Gary Oldman in Rosencrantz and Guildenstein are dead.

My shakespeare phase when I was nine or ten extended soley to the comedies.

Perseus said...

Pers. that scene is crucial

Yes, but it doesn't have to go for 90 minutes!

Perseus said...

Besides which, his father (the ghost) told him anyway. That should have been enough. He didn't need an acting troupe.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

But Hamlet isn't sure the ghost is telling the truth

"The Devil hath power to assume a pleasing form"

Which is why he needs the final proof of his uncle's guilt.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And you haven't said how much you liked my joke!

Lewd Bob said...

Hamlet's great, the joke's shit.

homesick said...

While on the subject of jokes.. Pers would you mind reposting the Earth/Perth joke.

There is a new lawyer on island who seems to love a West Coast V East Coast debate with anyone who'll listen. Pity the poor fool who innocently asks him where he is from. Many don't particularly care but he sounds off with much prompting at all.

Perseus said...

An astronaut finally lands on Mars. As he disembarks, a Martian comes out to greet him.

"Where the fuck are you from?" says the Martian.

"Earth," replies the astronaut.

"Fuck me dead," says the Martian, "I always thought that was a redneck back-alley, a place populated with dumb-arsed hillbilly halfwits who wouldn't know their arse from their elbow. So, tell me, what's it really like over there?"

"Well," said the astronaut, "It is spherical, like your planet, but it is 70% water and..."

"Oh, Earth," said the Martian, "I thought you said 'Perth'".


Another joke:

The Pope was scheduled to have dinner at a small Catholic parish in Victoria. The local priest, nervous about the impending dinner, decided to go fishing that morning as it helped him relax. He caught a giant fish, but as he reeled it in, he was confused as he had never seen a fish like it. He held it up, and showed it to another fisherman and said, "Do you know what sort of fish this is?"

The fisherman replied, "It's a big Fucker."

The Priest said, "Sir, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I'm a man of the cloth and you should not use such crass terms around me."

The fisherman said, "No, it's okay Father, It's a 'Fucker'. That's the breed of fish. It's quite a rare fish, and it is delicious to eat."

So the Father takes it back to the parish and shows the Arch-Bishop, who is visiting for the Papal dinner. He says to the Arch-Bishop, "Look at this big Fucker I caught."

The Arch-Bishop says, "Please Father, do not use such language around me. I am the Arch-Bishop!"

The Father says, "No, it's okay Arch-Bishop, that's the breed of fish. It's a 'Fucker'. And apparently, it is great to eat."

"Well," says the Arch-Bishop, "Maybe we should serve it to the Pope tonight. I have some experience with preparing fish for chef, how about I scale and gut the Fucker?"

So, the Arch-Bishop takes the fish into the kitchen and begins preparing it for the chef.

The Mother-Superior then pops into the kitchen and asks, "What is that you're working on, Arch-Bishop?"

The Arch-Bishop replies, "I'm scaling this Fucker for the Pope!"

The Mother Superior says, "How dare you use language like that in my presence!"

The Arch-Bishop says, "It's okay Mother-Superior, this is the breed of fish that the Father has caught for us. It is called a 'Fucker'"

The Mother Superior says, "Well, I am an excellent cook. It will give me no greater pleasure than to cook this Fucker for the Pope," and so she does.

Later that evening, the Pope comes for dinner. He takes a bite of the fish and says, "This is excellent!"

The Priest says, "I caught the Fucker."

The Arch-Bishop says, "I scaled the Fucker."

The Mother Superior says, "And I cooked the Fucker."

And the Pope says, "Gee, you cunts have done well."


I'm going to bed.

wari lasi said...

Outstanding Perseus, well worth the wait.

Doesn't our Squib have a bite over the Perth thing?

wari lasi said...

And the lovely Noi is asleep about six feet behind me. It's only 8:20 am here by the way.

wari lasi said...

A follow up religious joke that just hit my email, and is topical as I'm staying in a hotel.

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist, "Is the porn channel in my room disabled?"
"No", she replies, "it's just regular porn you sick bastard"

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Maybe I should have re-told my joke about "how many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb".

eat my shorts said...

Aw crap. That's a little too close to the bone for me this week, Ramon.

An ex-student of mine passed away the other day. He was one of those kids who was always smiling, best mates with everyone he met and he was only seventeen, one of those all-round good kids who can't do enough to help out.

There was an article in the local rag about him today, he told his adoptive parents that he wanted to be an organ donor when he went through the process of getting his L's. Because of this, that kid saved seven lives.

It's been a sucky week to say the least.

eat my shorts said...

I should say, it's been a shitty week, except for the people who got those organs. With any luck, they'll be having a less shitty time of it soon.

Fad MD said...

I finally get online again and Ramon hits me with this happy happy joy joy stuff.

Yes, great to be back in australia. Been back two weeks, have unpacked 249 boxes and rediscovered untold amounts of crap that have been in storage for three years. Also, our home renovations didn't quite proceed to schedule so we're surrounded by a fuckig building site for th next three weeks and I only have two more weeks of leave to paint and shit. Yay me

squib said...

Doesn't our Squib have a bite over the Perth thing?

I'm in Fremantle, Wari, not Perth

Though yesterday on my way to the record shop, I saw a stretch white Hummer outside the church on my left and a Red Dot shop filled with Australia Day gear on my right. I started thinking it might be time to move to New Zealand

Anonymous said...

That won't do you much good, young miss squibalific. New Zealand will soon become part of Australia so you'll see all that stuff there too.

Leilani said...

What's a Red Dot shop?

Jamie said...

The first time I pop by in an age and this is the first thing I read. First class, Ramon. Makes me want to get the band back together, it does*.

* Not getting the band back together.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks Jamie, old stick.

Hope you can stick around and laugh at Perseus' pathetic love life.

squib said...

But it would be okay if Australia became part of New Zealand, Boogey the Splendid. We could be the West Island and we could ride whales and stuff

Leilani, a Red Dot shop is like a $2 shop except everything costs more than $2 but you can buy say an air conditioner for $15