Friday night, as is my usual routine down here on the Surf Coast, I went to Surfer Joe's restaurant at closing time where a gang of about ten of us gather to drink some wine and smoke some cigarettes in the warmth of the closed restaurant. Surfer Joe was keen for me to meet his new girlfriend who I'll call Crytsal because she's a crytsal healer or something. Being that Surfer Joe is one of my best friends, I naturally made a huge effort to bond with Crystal, but after three wines the mouths were loose and I unfortunately got into an argument with her. It spanned about an hour but this was the jist of it...
Crystal: Nice necklace. What is it? Some sort of agate?
Perseus: Yes, I believe so.
Crystal: Is that a favourite stone of yours?
Perseus: No, I just liked the look of it.
Crystal: It chose you.
Perseus: No, I chose it.
Crystal: Because of it's energy.
Perseus: Maybe, but mainly because I liked how it looked.
Crystal: You chose it for a reason.
Perseus: Yes, I liked it.
Crystal: No, because you were meant to have it. It chose you as much as you chose it.
Perseus: No, I chose it because I happened to see it and had some money on me.
Crystal: But it's two-ways. Precious stones also choose who wears them.
Perseus: No it doesn't. It's not sentient.
Crystal: The Universe decides these things, not you.
Perseus: The Universe is not sentient either.
(Insert half an hour of argument... which leads to her reading my palms...)
Crystal: You had great tragedy in your childhood.
Perseus: Nope. None.
Crystal: Yes, you did.
Perseus: No, I didn't.
Crytsla: You have buried the deep pain from your childhood.
Perseus: No, I have not, because there is none. My childhood was spent climbing trees and playing footy with Lewd Bob and his brother. My family loved me and we all had much fun.
Crystal: The palms don't lie.
Perseus: Mine does. It's a lying bastard.
(Insert more arguments... but fuelled my more wine, it was becoming loud)
Crystal: What star sign are you?
Perseus: Vicrailia, the mosquito.
Perseus: I'm serious.
Crytsal: You;re obviously a scorpio.
Crytsal: Then you're an Airies. You're very Airies.
Perseus: Nope. I believe based on my birthdate, I am what the star-sign nutters refer to as a 'Cancer'.
Crytsal: Ah, yes, it all makes sense now.
Perseus: No it doesn't.
(More arguments, getting heated now...)
Crytsal: I used to be like you.
Perseus: A 40 year old man?
Crytsal: No, someone searching for the Universal truth.
Perseus: I'm not searching for any Universal truth.
Crystal: Yes you are.
Perseus: No I'm not. I was once a Buddhist monk. It was a laugh.
Crystal: Then you should understand all that I've said. You should appreciate that our souls are our higher self and that the Universe decides our fate.
Perseus: That entire sentence is completely anti-Buddhist. They teach the exact opposite message.
Crystal: No, they do not.
Perseus: Yes, they do.
I went home at about midnight, and poor Surfer Joe, who was far less opinionated on these matters, was forced to endure a few more hours of her explaining drunkenly the purpose of the Universe. He rang the next day and ordered me never to discuss matters spiritual with his new girlfriend whilst drinking ever again. I really need to learn how to keep quiet in these situations.
I had a date Saturday night with Obtuse, who you may recall I met at Melt-Banana only two weeks ago whilst on a date (a final date) with Suicide Girl (who, by the way, is still texting... she has bought me a painting from an art exhibition and wants to me to go to her house and pick it up. I'm scared she will have laced the frame with anthrax.)
The date was 'drinks' at 9pm. I arrived at the bar ten minutes early (my Dad drove me there, and we worked out that the last time he drove me to a bar was 1987), and I asked for a table for two and explained to the waitress that it was a first date. She took control and told me not to have anything but water until Obtuse arrived, and that I should immediately hand over my credit card and start a tab.
Obtuse arrived on time.
I was of course nervous in advance. Dates are nerve-wracking, but I was put to ease the second she sat down and pulled out a pack of fags. The next three hours was spent devouring many cigarettes, two bottles of wine, and discussing art and literature. I loved every second of it. The only awkward moment was when she leant across, held my hand and said, "You can relax," and I was forced to tell the truth and say, "I am relaxed. I'm just like this."
The taxi from her house back to Mum and Dad's the next morning was $55!* Fucken taxi-driver went the long, long, way and with my lack of sleep (plus attending to work matters) I failed to notice until it was too late.
Last night I went out for dinner with Surfer Joe and Crystal plus a few other locals. This time, we didn't touch on The Universe and instead discussed GST and accounts software, surfing, and the weather.
*Obtuse reads this blog so that's all you're bloody getting!