In breaking news that fat bloke from the Liberal Party frontbench, what’s-his-name, looks a bit like that fat bloke from the Labor Party, Joe something, Joe Hockey, that’s right, seems to be shuffling a bit closer to his long held ambition to be
Mr Hockey told an anxious collection of over paid hacks from the Press Gallery he was preparing himself mentally for the challenges ahead.
“Every morning when I get up, I strike myself repeatedly about the head and neck with a large stick with nails in it and stick my hand into the toaster,” Mr Hockey said.
“I reckon if that doesn’t get me used to leading the Party, then nothing will.
“I was contemplating having a cold shower each morning, then frying my genitals in a red-hot frying pan but that was a bit too much like Tony Abbott for my liking.”
Meanwhile Mr Abbott has announced a bold new strategy for taking the fight to the Rudd Government.
“My first act as Leader will be to seek out and destroy the pernicious heresy of Protestantism and revoke the Edict of Nantes,” Mr Abbot said.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some pyres to get ready.”
A spokesman for the Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, remarked “honestly, you couldn’t make this shit up.”