Monday, November 9, 2009

Why yes, I'd love to give you my opinion

Perky Sounding Chick Who None-the-less is Probably on Minimum Wage and Really Doesn’t Want to speak to another Dickhead.

A baking hot Sunday at Karl Kautsky House when the phone rings.

Me: “Hello”

Perky Sounding Chick Who None-the-less is Probably on Minimum Wage and Really Doesn’t Want to speak to another Dickhead (PSCWNPMWRDWD): “Good afternoon sir. I’m from Newspoll and I’d like to ask you some questions”.

Me : “Certainly. Do you mind if I put the phone down for a sec?”


I then put the phone down and run around for thirty seconds making yippee, woo-hoo noises, mainly because I love opinion polls.

Having finally found somebody who is employed to listen to my opinions, we have a very enjoyable chat; the highlight of which was when PSCWNPMWRDWD asked “Thinking about the opposition leader, Mr Malcolm Turnbull, are you satisfied or dissatisfied with his performance?” and I answered “Given I regard Mr Malcolm Turnbull as a gibbering buffoon, I’ll put that down as ‘dissatisfied’,”.

I always describe myself as a “swinging voter*” in the somewhat forlorn hope that some flunky in Liberal Party HQ will say “My God, the swinging voters think Malcolm is a gibbering buffoon. We’ll have to axe him at once.”

Happy, happy thoughts.

Fuck, I love opinion polls.

*I am not a swinging voter.


Lewd Bob said...

Thinking of Alexander Downer do you A) want to punch him in the head, B) kick him in the teeth or C) remove his testicles with a blunt instrument?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Is there an "all of the above" option, Bob?

squib said...

Ramon, your Sundays sound almost as exciting as mine

Perseus said...

That sounds like great fun and I wish they'd call me.

I've always wanted to do jury duty as well but have never received the call.


Puss In Boots said...

Pers, I've been called for jury duty 3 times. Thankfully, I've gotten out of it every time. And now they don't even bother because of my recorded profession. Yay.

No one ever calls me for opinion polls either. I've always wondered whether polls were just made up. I guess now I know they do actually exist.

Anonymous said...

I thought swinging voter meant you got invited to the sort of election night parties where you drop your keys in a bowl.

wari lasi said...

And now they don't even bother because of my recorded profession

Ok Puss, I'm biting. What type of profession does one have where you become ineligible for jury duty?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Are you implying, my dear Squib, that my Sunday was not exciting.

Because it was.

I wanted to keep going. I told the polling chick that I had heaps more opinions, but she declined.

Puss In Boots said...

Anything in the legal industry, Wari. It's not that you're ineligible, it's just that they don't want you influencing the other jurors with your legal knowledge or something. At least, that's my theory.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Puss, I was thinking "they don't let strippers sit on juries?" and then I remembered you're not in that line of work anymore.

Cath said...

Pers, I have been invited to Jury duty once, but easily got out of it as well due to work commitments. Apparently the health industry means we are "indispensable".

And I used to get harrassed all the time for my opinions. My best one is when I got asked about coffee places, and I couldn't remember the name of "Starbucks". I just said, "Oh you know, that really bad American shit coffee place...". The phone person went quiet, at which point I realised, they were asking questions on behalf of said shit coffee place. Oops.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What have you people got against jury duty?

It sounds ace to me.

Puss In Boots said...

Not when you're a casual worker, Ramon, which I was when I was called up the first 3 times. I think they give you some token amount to go in, and if you can't work that day, you don't get paid by your real job, so it means you're out of pocket quite significantly.

If you're not casual, you have to give that money to your employers, but that doesn't mean they'll be happy you're not at work. I've only recently aquired someone who can fill in for me if I'm away, but for the last 5 years, if I wasn't here, my boss didn't bother coming in to work, because he struggles trying to operate the fax machine, let alone anything else. So yeah. He wouldn't have been impressed if I was called up to jury duty.

Plus, it's boring. Who wants to sit through a 3 day civil trial? Bleh.

eat my shorts said...

I wish I got phone calls asking my opinion. All I get is phone calls asking for my money.

I'd love to do jury duty. My dad got called up once a few years ago & he said it was grouse.